past.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIK TECK :) Start of 2010 has been too happening. I can't really pen down every single detail so I shall do it in point form, in the hope that I do not miss anything out. 1. Picnic with the 7 ladies. It was awesome. Even though we have not met for so long, we were still so rah rah when we came together. I miss Sheena's noise, Nicolle's act cute, Hui Min's laughter, SiNi's company (I always see the other 3 so shall leave them out). It was definitely nice to have such outings once in a while :) 2. Potluck with Ohanies. Turned out to be a little pathetic but still, managed to fill our stomachs. Playground again! I had my first and last fall in the year 2009. Angie tried to give me a ride on the tall bike but we toppled. Don't worry Angie I still have faith in you. May you be able to give me a ride one day (when I lose 5kg maybe). Stayed at playground only to feed hungry mosquitoes. These annoying pests stayed away for some time when we...

Dinner with Christopher at Pepperlunch. Argh I'm kind of disgusted. I always liked Pepperlunch but I can't help but cringe when I think of today's incident. When the lady (with the surname Gao according to Christopher) was clearing the table, she dropped Christopher's used tissue paper and a Pepperlunch coupon on my beef rice! She gave us the :o look while I returned with the :| look (you can check these emoticons out on MSN) BUT! She just apologised and walked off!! Why didn't she ask if I wanted to change my meal?! Ohmytian this is so incredible. You won't want to know what happened after and so I shan't elaborate. P.S: Christopher pleasssssseeee stuff your used tissue papers into your bag or whatsoever next time! Argh. I think I need some time to get over this. (I think I sound blonde.) The year is coming to an end and I always have the habit of summing up the year (reminds you of a song?) on the 31st or 1st. However, I figured I will be too ...

When I saw the picture of this coconut, I smiled. Just like how I always smile (even when I am in a damn foul mood) whenever I see you, Coconut! Today is 29 December 2009. This day marks the FIRST YEAR of our friendship! (Now you understand why I must pick an auspicious hour to blog?) Oh boy, how time flies! I shan't have to elaborate on how we met at the pond (sounds like a couple leh) since I know you will always remember! Please be honoured, I'm not always so friendly to everyone. I guess this is fate. I always believe in fate. If not, what brought us together as friends? Thank you Coconut! Like you, I think I can call you one of my best friends this year. Thanks for always hanging out with me, even at places like Bata where you hate going to. Oh, and degrading yourself to an auntie, always shopping for groceries etc at Finest with me. I think you are really my most frequent Fairprice shopping mate!! Thank you for the little gifts you always shower me with. Ch...

这是一件让人沉沦的事。所谓的理智和决心，不过是可笑的自我安慰罢了。 原来绕了一大圈，我仍然在原地徘徊。我仍然是那么没用，不能逃出这个框框。

Others have Ladies' Night. We have Blondes' Night. No choice, we are a group of blondes. Was a great pity the guys couldn't join us. I miss Maxie Rui YY and Zhuang! Well anyway, we had dinner at Hoagies last night and a lot of fun at playground :) About 5 hours of sleep before Zhi, YC and I proceeded for a game of badminton with the rest. Constructive huh? Really can't believe it. It's only another 2 days before the end of 2009. It's time I reminisce and look back at the ups and downs in this year again....

Was supposed to be a day for cycling with the company (chewchew Angie Zhi YC Fel Jason) but the weather wasn't too nice so we decided to settle for a singing session at a cheap karaoke house. Updated list of songs and the place was high-class. I think I'd rather frequent there than kbox next time (except Bedok is a little too far...) Had fun and a sumptuous dinner. Oh yes, lunch was macs and I'm happy. Finally ate my long-waited Shaker Fries :D What more can I ask for? Spoke to Serene these couple of days. Feels nostalgic.. Hmmm. Been very slack these days but I realised it's really what I enjoy. Yes, holidays. Yes, I know I am very contradicting. I think the fact that school is starting in another two weeks or less scares me so I want to spend more time at home. Time is never enough, is it? Why are we so greedy.

我在等什么？ 等着自己失去尊严？还是被狠狠伤害？ 我有点累。可是为什么我还要继续无止尽地等。

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YING HAO :) Christmas is my favourite festive season. It's a season for sharing. Why does Christmas seem so lonely this year. Thank you Desireen Coconut Starfruit and Joel for the cards. Really appreciate.

最遗憾的事莫过于。。。 一个人能够在你生命里留下很深很深的烙印，而当他在你生命里消失后，你才发现他留下的空缺。 会不会太迟了？

Steamboat with Coconut and Starfruit. Nostalgic huh. The food is still so cheap, nice and we had equal amount of fun and laughter. The first time we went, the restaurant played the song that goes "走吧。。。走吧。。。”. Today, they played a song that goes "走走走走走走走。。。”. Looks like we're not very welcomed there. Walked around aimlessly but it was still quality time spent. Thank you fruits, always enjoy spending time with you girls :) Coconut and I decided to hang around at Cold Storage to look for our chocolates but too bad, we couldn't find any. We were so craving for tiramisu after seeing it in Cold Storage. But we decided to find a cheaper one somewhere else so we went to Attitude instead. Nope, they don't have tiramisu. So we went to Finest. Too bad, our efforts died on us again and we decided to give our last shot at 刘三阁 and tada! Thank you for your X'mas present Coconut. I think you are amazing. I totally love it, really :) Inevitably, all pain is abou...

Had a wonderful time with my Malay gang (Rahil Badd Shahrul Ariff) today. I'm thankful. You guys really made me laugh so much. I truly enjoyed (: I feel that I've spent my life pretending to be strong. Seriously, what's all these pretence for? For who? Ok I know I need a life. I'm going to get one soon.

I didn't smile. Not because I didn't do well. Neither did I do very well. Everything was just average. I couldn't manage a smile because I'm feeling ill early in the morning. In case anyone is curious, I got 3 B-, 1 B and 1 C+. I believe I will work harder. To those who are still waiting, good luck and all the best. To those who are happy about their results, congrats :) To those who are grieving over results that don't seem ideal, remember to pick yourself up later. Don't stay in the pit for too long :)

又是一个悲惨的结局。最近读的书，都是不愉快的结局。 也许这都因归咎于自己的期望。因为有了期望，所以才有失望。 忽然觉得心中又份说不出的沉重。。。 既然决定了过新生活，那就应该放弃旧时的记忆。 我会学着。 这会是我最后的坚持。过了这一次，我就不会在原地徘徊了。 有些裂痕你无法去却只能舍得

Scared. Sem 1 results will be out tomorrow and I'm indeed scared. Probably because I know I didn't study hard. Wish me luck, I think I need loads of it. But whatever the results, I promise to face the outcome with a smile.

It is true that your attitude at the start of the day will determine how your day turns out to be like. I'm thankful. I met Shirleen under a void deck after a swim and lunch with Angie. I can say it's almost ages that I last chatted with Shirleen like this. Just two of us, somewhere quiet, share some things that have been hidden for so long. Even if not hidden, they were not known. It was nice, really :) We cannot underestimate the power of time. It creates changes, even though often, the change is in ourselves. I remember what Joel said, when the worst times are over, don't forget the people who bring you up. Even though I probably haven't really gone through times which are considered "worst" in my life, I'm appreciative of the people who are there to listen, to understand whenever I think life sucks. Thank you Nelson. You're one of a kind. The world can crumble but I know you will still be there. Because you don't reply my ":(...

Say my memory is good. I don't even remember the last time I met up with Mel. Well but, yes, I finally went out with her yesterday and it was no doubt quality time spent. I was even worried that we'd have trouble striking up a decent conversation since we haven't met for so long but my worries were uncalled for :) She's still the whiny Mel I like to hang out with. Lunch at Hoagies to satisfy her craving for Oreo milkshake (even though she jolly well knows she can't drink milk...) before she dragged me to BookFest. Yes, it was my second time to the BookFest and once again, I spent quite a book on books! This devil woman. She made me go there yet she went home empty-handed. Nevertheless, I realised I always don't feel the ache when I spend my money on books. Like I said, the investment in knowledge is a pragmatic one, right? I've been reading for the past two weeks, even during my exam period. Here are some books I've read in the year: 1. My S...

今夜，我想起两个人。很庆幸是两个人，至少这代表另外一个也是我在乎的。我从来不觉得我在乎他。直到今天。 我觉得自己好可笑。明明是属于感性的，却总是装得很理性，好像只是要把成熟的一面表现出来。事实上，了解我的人也许知道这根本就是伪装。真正的我其实一点也不成熟。那只不过是一个外壳，掩饰了一个脆弱、孤独的心灵。

I realised that sometimes friends don't really want you to render all kinds of advice (which they never ask for) when they are down in the dumps or when they feel aimless about life. They just want you to tell them you are feeling almost the same and share your similar experiences. Like... A: I feel like I'm good at nothing. Everyone is better than me in every aspect. I'm so lousy. B: Yeah me too. Like so inferior. Everything I do, I get a B. Even when I get an A, someone will get an A plus. Why am I never the best?! Someone is always better than me at something! A: Ya lor ya lor! Precisely! That kind of feeling! B: Then the worst thing is, people who do better than you come and complain to you about how sucky their grades are. So annoying! A: Exactly! Omg I can't believe there is someone who thinks like me!

I keep trying and I keep failing. I promised I will be a nice sister. I tried to be one. At the same time, I tried to be a good daughter. I obeyed instructions. And then I'm hated for the things I do when I was merely carrying out orders. How to strike a balance without anyone feeling unhappy? Without myself feeling hurt? Without myself having to cry in the dark and quickly wipe off my tears when someone turns on the lights? Not that I didn't try. Perhaps no one feels that I'm trying.

Perhaps, in one's life, there will be a longing that shall never be fulfilled. The question is not how to fill that void. The question is: how to live with that longing? I've never felt this lost and I've never known so clearly why I feel this great sense of loss. I've got to learn and I'm learning.

思念是幸福的。思念是痛苦的。 思念是甜蜜的。思念是苦涩的。 思念是可以压抑的。思念是可以遏制的。我想是可以的。 世界很公平。幸福快乐的日子过完了，你也总该吃点酸的、苦的。 纵使很不是滋味，这种日子终究会过去。 你要懂得满足。 了解我的人会说我感性多一些。 不够认识我的人会说我太过理性。 其实，又有谁会比我更了解自己呢？

1. I had a terrible nightmare. So bad that I broke out in cold sweat. Perhaps this nightmare has haunted me for years but I have merely kept it in my subconscious. Not that I like to live in hatred, who does anyway? But can't anyone who advises me on this first tries to understand the situation? Or probably not, no one will understand. I'm just trying to protect my mum. What's wrong? I know I will always get overly worked up whenever it comes to this issue. That's because this is a damaged part of my life! You can disagree with me, but please listen before you do so. You can agree with me, but don't try too hard if you're doing so just to make me happy. I'm perfectly fine with fence sitters, really. If you don't like me to even talk about it, tell me. I will keep quiet. I will! 2. Finally met up with Desireen. Albeit a short while, it was great to catch up and share so many similar views. 3. Failed to meet Yangce again. It's either becau...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHENG KAI :) A friend I used to call my bestie. Not that we are not friends anymore. I guess people just drift. Indeed, time is an optical illusion, never as strong and solid as we perceive it to be. Still, I will remember him, I believe for life, because he changed my life and he changed me. Life is so good these days I wish I never have to return to school. Yes, we tend to fantasize so much.

我真的很害怕我会舍不得。 还是那样，很想看到你笑。跟在你后面，很有安全感。看到亲热的情侣，担心你会难过。 我很努力压抑自己，我知道我不能回到过去。因为你终究是个会离开的人。 我怕。 怕下次再看到你，我会反悔，忘记对自己许下的承诺。

Ohana and Sam sure make a weird combination but still it was a great bunch to be with and of course a LOUD one too. Break camp at 12pm and went for lunch at BK (or was it LJS since 3 of them bought LJS over to BK?). Dropped by Book Fest at Suntec with Zhi YC and YY. The scale was no doubt magnificent. It was just a pity that I always had this misconception that books sold at BookFests are always cheaper than usual -.- Nevertheless, I got myself 5 books and that alone made me a happy woman for the day! I think books make a practical investment. I'm really glad I'm utilizing my holidays in such fun-filled and fruitful manner but I'm afraid I cannot spend the next couple of days enjoying because my health doesn't allow me the affordance! I'm coughing so badly I think I'm turning into a hypochondriac soon. Don't advise me to sleep more because my biological clock is so adversely altered that I only sleep in the morning. Just kill me. Insonmia is one...

It's been a long time since I felt this sick and weak. The last time was probably somewhere before A levels. I always fell sick during the A levels period because that was when I never got ample sleep and also popped loads of junk food into my mouth. Perhaps I'm just too thrilled by the fact that my uni hols are here and I should cherish since they won't last too long. Immediately after my last paper, I played badminton with Peiwei and co. And then the consecutive activities that came my way, including stayovers, etc. Mother said she wasn't surprised why I fell ill. Yes, I think I deserved all these. It's just that I hate throat infections and nothing seems to be of a cure right now. This sucks, really. Seems like everyone's falling sick, especially Ohana girls. Please take good care and drink more water. Insane I may sound, but really, we cannot afford to waste this hols away. Got to be well and enjoy to the fullest before the start of school!

I miss Blue. Can't wait for their next album after knowing that they are going to make a comeback. I lost 2 of their CDs, out of which, one is limited edition. Haven't collected their whole collection and I think that is quite sad for a ardent fan. Am going to start making purchases of their old albums whenever I feel slightly richer. Yes, everyone's frequency is different. We can't always catch up with everybody. But Zi Rui, I still hope you will take the first step out. Sometimes it's pointless to wallow in self-pity or self-reproach when you don't even intend to do anything to it.

I'm glad I met up with my old friend Mr. Lee Ying Hao after nearly half a year of not catching up. Nevertheless, I was never afraid of not being able to meet up with this friend because he never forgets me. I'm sure I'm not one of the top 5 in his list of life's priorities, but at least he bothers to put me in the list. On the other hand, some friends who appear in the top 10 in mine, I don't even exist in theirs. Some people really don't bother. And that makes me wonder why I do. It always take two hands to clap, right? Haven't met for too long, perhaps. We had fewer words to say, fewer topics. This somehow instills fear in me. Will I become speechless in front of friends whom I haven't seen for too long? I enjoy peace, but I can't tolerate deafening silence.

GL: 为什么人的一生中有那么多抉择要做？ LX: so that no two person will have the same life it cant be every single choice also the same If there is something we all loathe about life, then for me, it will be decision-making. When I was a kid, my mum decided Milo over Coco Cola for me because it was apparently a healthier choice. At Primary 3, she chose NHPS over PEPS much as I really didn't want to have a change of environment, but again, it was for convenience sake. At Primary 4, my brother chose EM1 for me even though I wanted to go to EM2 where all my friends were posted to. This was probably because of prestige. At Primary 6, my mother chose CTSS for me even though I wanted to go to NHSS. Again, it was for convenience sake. At Secondary 2, I made my first major decision. I took double Humans and appealed for it on my own. At J1, my mum chose JJ for me even though I decided on polytechnic. She didn't believe poly offers good prospects. This year, she decided NUS because of p...

I'm not trying to sit on the fence. And it's not that I don't take sides too. I just find it hard to believe. I don't want to judge. Isn't it scary or upsetting how you think that the person you used to be so tight with is a changed person. It's like the sudden realization "Do I know you?". Is that why people say some friends enter your life and stay, but some will be out of sight after leaving their footsteps which you think you can catch up with? Will I really see the usual you again after I take a step back? I'm so scared that I can cry. But I really care.

I'm all alone at home again. But sometimes I really enjoy such peace, like I'm the only one left on earth. Am sure I will like a space of my own when I'm a little older. Finally, the smell of freedom lingers in the air, amazingly overwhelming. It's not the first time I'm experiencing the end of examinations but somehow I feel exceptionally eager this time. At least I don't remember feeling so ardent about the arrival of holidays before. Of course, it's also for once, that I actually bothered planning ahead. Have had a number of activities lined up in the short vacation. Relax and have fun are no doubt part of the agenda, but not the primary one. I'm more keen in catching up with people I have missed or neglected for the past couple of weeks or even months when I lived in my own world. It just suddenly got me thinking that keeping in touch with these people is imperative. I don't want to miss any chance I have. I know I haven't been...