past.

it's enough(:

see the way we ride in our private lives. just the sudden drop in my mood scale. wo yi lu xiang bei ... must we say hi only when our friends are around? when the time comes, the feelings will fade.

happy birthday! =D i asked for that number in 2002. and i got it in 2006! how long is that?! hahah! a second smile. and i'm smiling(:

perhaps it's a new burden? commitment? involvement? challenge? nah i don't know. i will just go for what my heart says. fever again. my migraine's killing me again! ugh. maybe others feel that i'm ignoring your feelings. but i'm just giving you time alone. this ain't an excuse.

obviously i don't hate him. i said that because i was angry. sorry. but it doesn't mean i wouldn't give up on you bro. i can't stand this anymore. my arguments with bad rock man. but damn, he's so bloody vulgar. wahahaha. the smile. (;

i can't help but keep saying fuck in my mind. i hate you michael. i must be the saddest person on earth today.

no idea why. the reason and because of you just don't affect me much today. i'm still obsessed with stick with you . man, this track is so great. it gets me so high. talked so much. thought so much. understood so much. xie xie ni jiahui, with love, truth and sincerity(: sorry brudder. i won't give up on you. but i have no choice but to run away for the time being. i do love you brudder, always. i can't believe a smile can make my day. man, four whole months since i last seen this smile. guess i must be the happiest person on earth today(:

i will continue to tolerate. for as long as i can take it. just never thought my dearest brudder will one day become someone i cannot confide in. is this fate? i'd be most glad if it is. but if it's not, what now? man, i just want to FA XIE.

i guess this is the feeling of ambivalence . one moment i feel like it's end-of-world . because i failed chinese test . yes, SECOND TIME ever since i received education. that makes 12 years. on the other hand, i feel super duper happy. because mrs gan finally praised me. yes, FINALLY. know what? i was one of the top for zuo wen. yup, and the only one told to stand in front of the class to read my piece. indeed, no one can understand. it's tormenting to read out a pack of lies. i'm asked to read about how fabulous my family is. beats me. i have no idea why i'm still thinking about that matter. gary was spot-on. though i somewhat dislike him, i can't deny the fact he's right. being betrayed is the WORST feeling of all emotions. and now what? i still have to face it everyday. to me, one sad thing in life is that i can't find a person who will really listen to me attentively, without getting sensitive over anything, without getting angry with whatever you sa...

man, hooked to stick with you . NICE TRACK! did my work at the library. i finished my work! how often do i finish my work in the library man?! hahah. my gracious goodness. i actually dreamt of DUNCAN last night. sot. ming xing ou xiang tonight! BRYAN must win! arhhhhh.

i miss the times at ug camp. i miss the chances i get to talk to you. i miss the conversations we had even though majority was about her. i miss days we talk over the phone. i miss those chats in mac. but now, everything's vague.

i miss S.H.E. i miss NOVDAY.

disappointed. indeed, betrayal is the worst feeling among all emotions. ain't betray, but being betrayed. this world is full of people i can't rely on.

remedial and remedial and remedial. yesterday had a chat with sk at mac. it can really be great just listening to him. he asked me a super duper simple question that i found super duper difficult to answer. lol. but i have found the answer today. yea, it is sometimes so hurting to love you. finally saw MRS TAN today! she's back to teach. hopefully 4c2 doesn't bully her! went jp with kw and yh . for the first time, i bought something for myself. lol. read a book on philosophy . not too bad an experience. but i don't want to end up like sk . ha... people around me just seem so unhappy, rather, they really are. as a matter of fact, i am too. but am i feeling so because my friends are feeling that way? or because they are feeling that way therefore no one cheers me up and that's why i'm unhappy? if it's the latter, i'm selfish. sometimes thinking can hurt the soul so deeply, because it opens old wounds.

don't i have the right?

i've lost every single bit of courage to face up to this friendship. why do you keep defending yourself? this disappointment is super overwhelming. if you love me like i love you, let me hold you through the night.

i'm dying. i seriously am.

i'm using up the whole tissue box. this sickness is a torment. my endurance is dropping another level. so many dreams of you.

i have so many types of medicine i can set up a pharmacy. never have you noticed my presence, neither do you ever notice my absence.

dumb indeed. nevertheless, i have made up my mind. shan't give up. (: all of a sudden, i have the hunger for knowledge. physics! even if the whole world gives up on me, i shall push myself. time will gradually wash off this feeling.

rv campfire was great . i tried my hardest just to forget everything. but i can't. sometimes life is so tough i feel like giving up. i tried to pretend. but i can't. because that's not me. things have changed so much and i'm finding it hard to catch up already. take a piece of my heart. a touch of your soul.

i've been there through sun and rain. i've been there to ease the pain. gotta learn how to break the chain. i'll be there though times have changed. i'll be there i'll be the same. till you learn how to break the chains. this song is so nice it rocks my socks off. fabulous melody. man, super tired. but my long awaited campfire is tonight! =D yea, things have changed . sorry, but i have a different definition now. i'd very much want to know what's wrong with myself. i'd rather not ask for your forgiveness if that's the only way you could remember me.

was that forgiveness ? "nah." he said. i'm somehow useless. i'm so sick of love songs, so tired of tears, so done with wishing, you were still here.. i was made for loving you.

mentally and physically. but today's drills were much better than expected. 8 rounds tomorrow. what a challenge . may i love you with all my life.