past.

Emo day, no emo songs! ): 1. Went NHP with Shaun. Fun fun fun! 2. My dear Shaunyboy actually listened to my grumbles. 3. Brunch with him and Mrs Kee. 4. Shaun threw all the meat into my bowl! Struggled to finish them >. 5. CT next. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR... 6. First person seen: Miss Lee. 7. Dragged me to Guides Room and farewell party for Mrs Ong started. 8. Saw his backview, again. 9. Emo chat with emo friend - sk. 10. Photos taking with Joe, Kwan, Rick etc. 11. Looked at Mr Chiang pack his presents. LOL. 12. Walked out of school, going to my house. 13. Saw him at the entrance gate! 14. All shouted "go la go la!" 15. So took pictures with the help of Paul. 16. My home next after Hokkien Mee lunch, 'tennis'! 17. Intention to go kbox next. 18. Super ex, cancelled! >. 19. So sad, was intending to sing so many emo songs! 20. Ramly burgers for dinner and Max's house next. 21. Stupid RUI a bit sot today. Only ONE round of mahjong! 22. Teevee watching! 23. Home....

你总是说我不体谅你，你又何时体谅过我的感受？何时给过我机会解释？ 你连一个让我为自己辩护的机会都不留给我，那就公平吗？ 我不是不明白你的苦心，但我只是想讲道理。 你每次说你从不会心情不好时，拿我们出气，但这显然不是真的。 你说我不听你的电话，但我真的是没感觉到电话震动。你却说我找借口。我真不知道应该怎么与你沟通。 有时候，我觉得我应该做个乖女儿，好好孝顺你，但你却让我觉得我再怎么努力都是没用的。 我知道你累。我同样是。虽没你累，但我那被你一次又一次冤枉的心灵已经破碎得让我不知道怎么把它们再拼凑起来。 我承认从小就爱说谎，但我就不能改过吗？ 现在，我再怎么老实，你都不信任我。 你说你放心让我做我想做的事，但这一切都不是真的。 因为你总说：“你不要找借口。”

Met Mrs Ong today and could be the last time I'm seeing her. So going to miss her! And she told me she always loves reading my teachers' day cards every year because mine are always most sincere! :DDD No hard feelings. All gone with time and I guess this is something good. The 'in 1 year's time' deal isn't valid anymore.

I'm doing 2 things at a go. 1. Slacking 2. Mugging Slacking mugging or mugging slacking. I want to slack and I want to mug. But I can't slack, yet I can't mug. I can't mug, yet I can't slack. Whatever it is, I got to finish everything by 11p.m. My AhWU and ZHI's AhEN. Ohmy, diastrous combination.

AJ's charity concert. I didn't fall asleep! That really required some skills. I miss Melissa Jia Hui Esther Nicolle Sheena SiNi Hui Min. I miss OUR guiding days, the days that belonged to US. Can we even run the company together like we did before? Cos' it's falling, really collapsing. Don't ask me if I'm a Guide. I will probably doubt my identity. Or I can only tell you I WAS one.

I have tried whatever I can but my efforts, my aspirations, are merely in vain. I treat my juniors like my fellow sisters but they take me as a fool. Alright, maybe I am really one. I feel kind of out of place. Am I a YA? Am I a Guide? Or I WAS one but not anymore? Quit/Stay. This is not my choice actually. I feel like a puppet, manipulated by others.

Today's experience was not a bad one. Have always wanted to visit Mediacorp and finally got the chance to, though, my performance was bad. Thinking of working in Mediacorp in future, guess it'll be a real fulfilling job. If my life still holds a meaning, I wonder what it is. Can moments of happiness last longer? I'd love that, really. Cos I often find them too short. It's more than just being physically worn out. If only I can be divorced from my school work, Guides commitments, everything.

Return lies within hasty keys? Then how about departure? Cos' I just want to run away from this even though I keep coming back. I found the song I last heard in p5! :DDD Waited for you long enough I can only take so much Tell me if I have your heart Who do you really love You know it isn't fair You expect me to be there But we never get nowhere Breaking down sucks so much. Especially when it's over trivial matters.

Right, everyone's grieving over Man U's loss and at the same time, cursing and swearing Man C. Bet my brother is fuming in the hostel too. LOL. While I am done with my whining to Jia Hui about the horrible things that happened to me and will happen to me in time to come. I'm so going to tolerate. Watch me.

I feel I have loads and tonnes of things to. I wish I didn't sign up for YA. I feel disrespected by my juniors. I wish I could continue guiding with my fellow girls. I feel stressed up with all the never-ending work. I wish I can just take a long, long rest. My passion for Guides died off in 2006. GP MATH CLL CSC GSC PW GUIDES FUNDS !@#$%^&*(()_

The feeling of losing a battle is like the feeling of rejection. Almost. However, you can learn something from victory, but everything from defeat. This isn't really a defeat anyway. It's merely a beautiful fullstop to the completion of one's dreams and aspirations. Anyway, YC you really did great(: I salute you! With the end of this busy period comes something typical, the fixed cycle. Mugging and MUGging and MUGGING. Lack of less than 5 marks to A for 3 subjects. 4 Bs. What to say? My 1k might just fly off next year. Stop reaching for the impossible. Everything I want is getting further away from me. I don't really know what to expect and what not to. Enough of fantasizing. The fact remains that they are two different CKMs. In terms of looks, characters and most of all, feelings, they are totally different. Perhaps my obstinacy will only lead me to nowhere. Someday everything will fade to nothingness.

What a day, again. Hey, what's wrong? I'm like so pessimistic about my life. Early in the morning and I felt like sleeping. GSC Compo writing to start the day! (wasn't meant to be something worth rejoicing over >. Though, I still want to find out who that person is and pat that person's head! LOL =xx Mass dance during PC. I never want Brenda as my dance partner again =xx Our combination is a disaster!! And once again, I have to go one teevee again. !!!!! This is so irritating. Don't they know I really can't speak well! UNLESS I get to see my AhWU at Mediacorp :DD 3 more days!!!

I feel like hurling vulgarity like as always but I'm controlling myself. What a day, what luck. 1. Accidentally bought 2 extra tix. 2. Went back CT to teach my girls tent pitching and I felt invisible. 3. Wanted to collect money from Wendy and she told me she got the tix. 4. BTeng SMSed me to tell me she got the tix when I have bought one for her. 5. I lost $10 and have to fork out my own money to recoup the losses. And, saw him after 43 days of hardwork. Nice. Right from the start again. I really feel kind of tired.

Think Royston Tan did quite a bad job directing 881 and the scriptwriter too, didn't really write a good script. Still, I kind of enjoyed the film because AhWU acted well! Though, he was a deaf and mute. Ending made me want to cry so I would say it was not too bad. However, not even a movie with AhWU can change my current mood.

Why is it that I get wearier and wearier by the days. The pain, totally excruciating. Why are heavy blows hitting me so hard without dropping hints earlier? The feeling just sucks, absolutely. Do I really have to set my expectations so low that I won't end up in greater disappointments? I have. I have set them low, almost too low. Yet, seemingly it doesn't matter anymore whether I have set it beyond reach, or even within reach, because I will still end up grieving over certain losses. Loss of confidence, loss of a direction, loss of the beautiful imaginations I have had. I looked on the 'bright' side, but apparently that's self-deception. Sometimes life leaves one with no option between right and wrong. Certain things are obvious on the surface, face up to it. Persistence in trying to believe something not likely to happen will only cause misery perhaps. Effort makes magic? I refuse to believe.

Thanks people. Another wonderful day spent, despite feeling lousy. Was apparently dozing off during Maths tutorial. Talked to ZHI but didn't even know what I was talking. Gosh she should have taken it down. I would know how I looked :/ Gathering at fe and aching muscles. Quite surprised I actually could resist the temptation of food like ZHI now and eat less! >. Many things crossed my mind and it even crossed my mind that if it was at all necessary thinking so much. It's time you leave. And I have said that like more than a hundred times. Am I waiting for another 2 months? Or perhaps, after these 2 months, I will realise that everything has actually faded to nothingness without my awareness. I would climb the highest mountain, swim the deepest sea, I thought. But I'm just selfish. It's one of those time when you know what to say Should have said it a little more but life gets in the way And that can be the difference between a woman and a man When one shows affection...

Went back for COH meeting, though, still didn't get to meet. Met Jia Hui at WM after that. FINALLY SAW MY CHEW CHEW. Like since Carnival?! Take care girl, I see you're doing fine! :D Sleepy day for me cos slept really late last night. Morning's compo was a disaster so should think there isn't exemption for me. Got back Maths paper and lost to Mengli! Worse, didn't manage to get an A. Though, I must say, I achieved my aim for the term :D Keep bucking up! Beat Mengli! The Maths rival I simply love! :D If only diverting attention really helps. Someday When we're at the same place When we're on the same road When it's okay to hold my hand Without feeling lost Without all the excuses I'm confusing as hell I'm north and south And I'll probably never have it all figured out But what I know is I wasn't meant to walk this world without you And I promise I'll try Yeah I'm gonna try to give you every little part of me Every single detail you...

So, I really got to see him! Yeah, 715! 戚玉武！ Ohmygoddess. Like, FINALLY?! =xx And thanks to Yoke Hwee who took some pics for me, though, not nice enough >. It's wonderfully wonderful! :D

Boundless fun at BING's residence with ZHI GIE CI. Movies watching and calories gaining. But they were free anyway so no one really cared. Next was the planning of stuff by YCfanclub committee. Though we were mostly thinking of the evil things to do. Nevertheless, the room was filled with laughter and joy! Addiction for Coca Cola back. Embarking on a Pokemon journey with BING. Talk more when I come back later. Pray that I get to see him! I always needed time on my own I never thought I'd need you there when I cry And the days feel like years when I'm alone And the bed where you lie is made up on your side When you walk away I count the steps that you take Do you see how much I need you right now? When you're gone The pieces of my heart are missing you When you're gone The face I came to know is missing too When you're gone All the words I need to hear to always get me through the day And make it OK I miss you I've never felt this way before Everything that I...

700th post. Approximately 2 more months to 1 year. Stop counting. Even though there's a difference. When you're gone. A track that has been replayed numerous times, chews up my heart and brings down my world. But I'm not going to post the lyrics here :D GIE: 不能说的秘密 I don't care it's a challenge to me!! >. It's over, it's over, it's over It seems you can't hear me When I open my mouth you never listen You say stay, but what does that mean Do you think I honestly want to be reminded forever Don't waste your time trying to fix What I want to erase What I need to forget Don't waste your time on me my friend Friend, what does that even mean I don't want your hand You'll only pull me down So save your breath Don't waste your song On me, on me Don't waste your time It's not easy not answering Every time I want to talk to you But I can't If you only knew the hell I put myself through Replaying memories in my head of you an...

FINALLY, I'm blogging. It's been a disastrous 1 month or so struggling with school work and preparing for common tests, last-minute work, that is. Missed all the teevee programmes I loved, the shopping I never liked to miss, and the friends I have not met up for so long, LCfamily in particular. Been studying with Zhi Ci and sometimes Mengli, Jia Lee and Brenda till late nights. Headaches all the time. Poned school once. Late for school for the first time in my life. Finally I bade goodbye to those monstrous papers today and there, gathering with friends immediately. FarEast craze with GIE ZHI CI FEL RUI YUAN. Our mouths were machine guns that fired non-stop. Expected, though. I thought these were really interesting. 1. Reminisced. GIE's ex-URLs: letmefly- (forgot the rest) my ex-URLs: guolovesdunk (some still keep the link =xx ) thereasonailoug MORE. 2. GIE showed me this picture of RUI's hair and told me their gang of friends were playing this g...