past.

Today is Mark Twain's 176th birthday. Google's theme was a scene from Twain's story Tom Sawyer and his adventures, which I have always wanted to read again after I found out that I lost the book few years back. I went to the library to find the book but could not find it. And so I borrowed another two books instead.

This sense of emptiness and loss always presents itself right after the last paper. Maybe it is slightly stronger than any other semesters because I have this bugging feeling that next semester might very well be my last one and it is coming in a month's time. I thought that I had always looked forward to working life because I seriously am not cut out to be a student. Then I realised I actually prefer school because my future still seems so bleak and I have absolutely no idea what to expect once I step out of school. While I think that I do not want to be bound by a bond like some of my friends, I actually do envy them that they have at least secured a job the moment they are done with school. This feeling of inferiority sucks especially when I always think that it is not nice to envy others, and now I cannot practise what I preach. I think I am just waiting for a miracle to happen. That aside, I just want to say that studying my notes yesterday really made me realise that th...

从什么时候开始的呢？？

有朋友的关心，我就觉得很满足了。

Why do parents always speak without sparing a thought for their children? Perhaps, perhaps I'm just making a very nonsensical generalisation here. Because all it takes is two parents to do that and there, a child is hurt. Whether or not she has become an adult, she is still traumatized by the contents she heard when she was still a little girl. People say, children have bad memory, they forget almost everything that has happened. That is so untrue. For there is always this girl who recalls almost every little detail about her childhood. She may seem like the most outgoing girl who shares with her friends all the things happening in her life. Yet there are always the deepest, darkest secrets that she never has the courage to reveal. Then again, so what if she can muster the courage to do so? When the hurt is done, it can no longer be undone, unfortunately. She just wants to leave, for there is nothing worth hanging on to. Moral of the day? Parents should never bring up issues that m...

这个地方并非避风港.

我很生气很难过很失望很疲惫。所有负面的情绪涌上来，真的觉得快窒息了。 再不满再气愤再累都要咬紧牙根坚持下去。 加油，GL. 就算全世界都觉得是你错，就算大家都不挺你，你都要坚持下去。不可以倒下去，不准倒。

你最爱的人总是最令你失望.

I really got no more time to waste.

GDKJGDKSJGOIWUGOJZDDJFKADMKDVMZKGVEAUGOAIVDALVJDFDVNMKVDSVJAEIOJVDVNAKDNVKADJVKDJVAODDGKDMVKDZGVEUGAUGAHYFANHVDVKALCAPLGDAKJGEIAHGANDMKVANSKJFAOISUOAGJSAOCMAOSFJOAGJOADMVAOWFOAEIGOADIFODKGVOAEUGFAOWGIUORUGOAVMEOAGJOEAGJORGJAROGJROJGROUAFOSKFA

How long can you stick to your principles for?

Seriously, no mood.

我觉得我快疯了

Whenever all the good things come together, I become very cynical. And it gets very annoying because I am doubtful of every other good thing that follows. I seriously doubt that I deserve all these. I am nuts.

I hate to place myself in a story (be it drama or novel) over a period of time and having severe withdrawal symptoms at the end of it. I let the last two episodes load just now but after the reviews I read on Facebook, I closed the window, knowing I will not be able to sleep well tonight if I watch. But I know I will watch it tomorrow anyway and I still have to go through what I have not!

It was not a very constructive day. However, I think my night was very well-spent because I had dinner with my two best friends at my favourite cafe. After dinner, we went to my favourite NTUC to shop until it closed, and my best friends paid for everything I bought. We decided we did not want to take a bus back so we walked home. It was quite a long walk and along the way, we sang, we laughed, we chatted. I have not walked that route home for nearly a year and today I walked again, with the company of my best friends. It felt different because I always took that route alone and I always thought a lot on my way back. I so love my Saturday night. Thank you darlings.

This feeling of emptiness surges everytime I return home on a Friday night. There is so much yet nothing to look forward to. This Friday, in particular, is especially mixed with feelings of ambivalence because it is supposed to mark the arrival of weekend, yet, that of exams too. And then there is the invasion of my room (again) tonight even though I have my exams next week. (However this is not an imperative anymore because it is a matter of getting used.) On a slightly lighter note, I feel very fulfilled to have spent my reading week with a bunch of friends who help me quite a bit in my studies and who motivate and amuse me a lot. I do miss those friends whom I could have spent time with too. My bad. I seriously think that I need to come to terms with myself on many issues, which really drive me nuts these days. Crap.

This feeling of confusion always comes back. I am confused over who I am and who I am not. It always happens. And the only thing I can do is to run away, not face it, for facing it head-on does not give me a better idea. Are we not all afraid of the unknown?

A little action just suddenly struck me and I thought I needed to pen it down because as mentioned at the start of the movie yesterday, “生活中发生的每一件事都有它的意义”. When we were about to leave the library, a friend secretly put a packet of sweets into my bag while I was talking to another friend (I saw her do that though). When I got home and took it out from my bag, I was reminded of that one time I asked a friend to put a bundle of candies into Sam's bag. That was one thing I never regretted doing, no matter how silly how stupid it may sound. It is not about the recipient knowing who the giver is. It is not about the giver trying to make the recipient guess who he or she is. It is the thought of giving the recipient a surprise, it is the element of 'WOAH'. There isn't always too much an intention behind every insignificant action. It may very well be just a sweet and innocent thought. Thank you, Yanli. I felt it!

日常生活少了你是有点怪怪的。但是习惯总是能够改的。 也许是真的有改变这个习惯的必要。我已经在改了。

After the movie today, I guess it was inevitable for me to think about the past. I did not dwell, I merely thought about it, and perhaps through it. I logged onto Facebook and I saw Sam online. I had the sudden urge to talk to him and so we had this little conversation. Me: hey Sam: heya Me: just want to tell you that i watched a movie today, and i thought of you. hope you are doing great. take care! :) Sam: hahaha omg. i did the same. guess what i watched Me: chinese movie? Sam: nope. we caught it together before i think. if im not wrong. time traveller's wife (And I only just mentioned this movie to Hoe Ping today...) .............................. Sam: how're you doing? Me: have been slacking like mad. exam next week, and i just went to catch a movie. oh well Sam: well..life is short. haha. i hope you're doing great btw Me: i sure am. life couldnt have been better;) today's movie i caught was on schoolday crush. i recall the old days when i was so silly. well we all ...

There was one time I wished you would remember my birthday. But the time you did, you would forever. Simply because she and I share the same birthday. And that was the reason why I changed my number. And then I wished you would not remember my birthday.

戒毒需要的是恒心和毅力。 其他什么习惯也都是同样的道理。 要戒就要趁早。泥足深陷的时候，无法自拔，莫怪他人。

It is only recently that I realised how scared I am of the night. Whenever night falls, my mood always seems to be in parallel. And when I am out alone at night, I feel that I am the only person left on earth. The night is that intimidating. It was not like that.

Jiayou, GL.

1. Take care, my friend. 2. Is there anything wrong with my personality? 3. I am still disappointed. 4. It takes two to clap. 5. "Learn to protect yourself." 6. Take a walk tomorrow. 7. Spend more time with those who are still within the quota. 8. Jiayou GL. 9. 资仁一毁誉. 10. I am so tired.

A: Why is life so vulnerable? B: That's what makes it precious.

 也许这就是我一直不敢早回家的原因。总是觉得空虚，总是有多余的时间想很多。好想就在被窝里缩成一团，看一本书，忘却所以事情。好想有个朋友打来，跟我聊聊，忘却寂寞。好想这样睡着，做个美梦，忘了自己活在现实中。

曲：周杰倫 詞：李汪哲 牆上靜止的鐘是為誰停留 是不是和我一樣賴著不走 你說故事已經結束 很久 我忘了 向前走 我努力假裝現在過得很好 現在的你看來已不需要我 也許在不同的時空 還牽著 你的手 想知道你真的過得好嗎 沒有我也許是種解脫 將思念穿梭在宇宙數千光年 悄悄到 你身邊 現在我試著習慣一個人過 也許你已經開始新的生活 陪著我的叫做寂寞 陪你的 是誰呢? 原来不管过了多久，伤过多深，我还是想知道你过得好不好。 有那么一段时间，很害怕别人问，“你好吗？” 因为害怕不懂得怎么回答。 现在确实很想问你，你好吗？ 因为一直在顾虑自己受的伤，所以忘了也曾开心，也曾感动。 其实，我一直没勇气对你说， 谢谢你。 我尝过爱的好。

真的有所谓计划内的人吗？ 但是不是计划内的人都会出现？ 出现后又怎样？

That's right, let go. You'll feel a happier person.

I seriously can't wait for Christmas. Edits: There is so much to look forward to after exams! - AhWU's new show 《星州之夜》 (although it debuts during exam period) - AhWU's new show 《朋友》on 25 December - Christmas shopping - Year end outings - 《那些年，我們一起追的女孩》 - Alvin and the Chipmunks 3 For now, study hard.

“吾本乘興而來，盡興而返，何必見戴？” —— 王子猷 是不是有些事真的不想做，就不要做？ 就這麽簡單？ 如果我已經做了決定，應不應該，又可以可以不去理會世俗的眼光？ 我只是不想違背自己的意願，有錯嗎？ 對和錯又是誰定義的？ 資仁一毀譽……

Now what? What about the dreams we said we would pursue? What about the aspirations we said we would realise? What about the goals we said we would fulfil? Even if anyone were to stop us? Is it true that we all like to make empty promises when we are at our happiest? Is it true that we never really think about the validity of these promises? Then what is the point of making them in the first place? To break them? I know it takes two hands to clap. I know I have a part to play in this. But I really cannot help but feel disappointed. I don't know you anymore. Or are you the one who does not know me? On your way to success, you have totally forgotten about me. Is that why we all say everyone has a quota to hit and those who contribute to the excess have to be neglected? Apparently, time has put us to this test and we both failed very terribly. I will constantly remind myself, such is life.

如果擁有是失去的開始，爲什麽當初我還沒擁有就已經失去？ 這不能證明擁有了就一定會失去；只能證明是你的，趕不走，不是你的，求不來。 最重要是一開始就不要習慣擁有的感覺，失去的時候才不會覺得彷徨無助。

生活是星期五傍晚和好朋友坐在一家香港餐廳裏享用一碗香噴噴的明火白粥。 生活是星期五晚上趕回家收看最新一集的香港連續劇然後沉浸在其中。 生活是星期六早上睡到自然醒又不用趕著出門。 生活是星期六下午獨自坐在餐桌上邊吃塊藍莓乳酪塔，邊吃一碗豆花。 生活是知道自己的生活過得這麽好，所以是時候開始寫論文了。

Sometimes all I need is an unforgettable drama with an unforgettable scene. “我已經無法抽離！”

今天淋雨了。 回到家马上发烧。 有时候，真的觉得自己很没用。

立德齐今古，资仁一毁誉  VS  忘我 Possible to integrate both?

There is always something special about Wednesdays. The group of people I spend time with, the jokes we laugh at, and the long bus rides which always end up seeming very short. Even if it means sleeping less than 7 hours for a long day like this, I seriously do not mind. And to quote Lily (who has quoted from elsewhere), "Friends do not have survival value, but rather they add to the value of survival." Thank you my dear friends who have wanted to treat me these days. Thank you Mel, Mic and Ting Hui for the bags of goodies!

Old Chang Kee's curry puff Rochor's egg tart Mr. Bean's beancurd with gluttinous balls Prima Deli's peanut waffle Yakun's kaya toast and my teh bing kah dai Queensway's muah chee Yes, I am hungry. AGAIN.