past.

有时候也不知道夜里的眼泪源自哪里。 也许, 我需要找个专家谈谈。

I happened to have lunch with Valane yesterday and heard from her that Mr. Wong SY was leaving the school for other plans. And so, being the very free person I have always been, I walked into my alma mater (after not entering for quite some time) to try my luck. I managed to catch Mr. Wong after all. He had become slightly haggard, but still the same old patient guy. At an age of early thirties, he was considered restless for a working adult. I could feel he was very much comforted when he saw me and told me that I was in his first batch of students when he came in as a trainee in 2005. How nostalgic. The first thing that came to my mind was that he brought in his guitar and sang 童话 during his last lesson with us. He reminisced and questioned where his passion for teaching and nurturing had disappeared to. I couldn't answer him. I regarded those questions as rhetorical ones. And I watched him look into the distance. In his mind he was probably digging out the past and searching for...

偶尔, 世界只剩下你一个。 只听见雨水打在屋顶上。 电风扇在转动。 寂静在喧哗。 还有一些笑声。 这个时候不可能听见笑声。 是记忆中的笑声。 想着想着, 肚子也发出声音。 那是它规律性的抗议。

今早起床很不舒服。 喝了杯热milo, 好多了。 去了遥远的碧山逛街。 好久没去了。有些陌生。 买了送给朋友的礼物。 开心。 接着去家附近的小贩中心吃东西。 星期二的下午, 小贩中心空空如也。 清静。 教了补习后, 约了chew吃饭。 边聊天, 边到处逛。 满足。

于是，我做了件我以为这辈子不会做的事。 And so, I did something I thought I would never do this life.

地铁车厢里, 想起去年坐在戏院看《铁达尼号》, 最后一幕的情景还是能让我发笑。呵。

5月27日，星期一。 今天终于吃到了Ah Balling。 最后一次是和Mel去金文泰吃。不过那间倒闭了。 那是6年前的事。好快。 味道还是一样。让人吃了会笑。 过去的画面快速的在脑海里闪过。从不知道时间可以过得这般快。 看了场电影。 喜欢杨采妮的干净利落。整部戏都有她的影子。 这次不太注意拍摄技术。 也许是情节吧。 我看到阿武在《走进走出》里饰演的角色。 更看到过去。 看到自己。 所以心痛。 所以难过。 我想我可能又更认识自己一点点。

下午喝了一大杯茶。 现在睡不着。

zau xun hou dyun zam, ngor dou hei mong hor yi lei hoi ze leoi. ngor lam ngor hang ding hwui hou ham fok.

Maybe I have learnt to capture certain moments with my eyes and with my mind, not the camera. The good thing, is I can take them out any time to reminisce, the memorable ones. The bad thing, however, is I can hardly delete them, the bad ones. Sometimes, I think my mind has become an automatic camera. It captures almost every little thing. The necessary and the unnecessary. The smiles, the frowns, the dramas. And some insignificant expressions that make me sceptical. And so, while it has become automatic, it has also turned a little rusty. The older moments seem much more faded, the new ones fresh in the mind. Despite my attempts to delete them.

作词：徐世珍、吴辉福 作曲：陈炯顺 深夜离迷的电话 静静的听你讲 累了吗 我永远为你留着一盏灯光 曾经 爱像一种互相惩罚 但你的幸福 却依然是我唯一愿望 还是好想抱着你 想代替你受伤 我心中 你永远是上天给我的奖赏 就算你不了解我会多牵挂 我宁愿我的爱铺在你脚下 也不愿把你捆绑 放心不下的只是你快乐吗 放心不下恨不得我能在场 拥抱你最狼狈最疲倦最痛的摸样 放心不下却只能放你飞翔 给你的背影也要故作坚强 不管雨雪风霜 当你需要我的时候我都会在你身旁 哪怕世界比你想象的疯狂 爱所以让你去找你的解答 不在乎我被留下 只要你记得有一个人爱你 不需要代价 想做你的力量不做你的重量 放心不下的只是你快乐吗 放心不下恨不得我能在场 拥抱你最狼狈最疲倦最痛的摸样 放心不下却只能放你飞翔 给你的背影也要故作坚强 不管雨雪风霜 当你需要我的时候我都会在你身旁 多遥远我都会在你身旁

I spent another day slightly wasted. But I have had a fair share of laughter today. The happiest thing today: http://www.joblo.com/movie-news/new-trailer-for-the-wolverine-has-previously-unseen-footage-and-a-good-look-at-silver-samurai I am extremely happy that Famke Janssen is going to appear for more than five seconds in the movie, even though she will only appear at the start.

5月21日。 我比昨天更迷惘。

First things first. HAPPY BIRTHDAY YAN XING!!!!! Time to grow up ah ;) So anyway. By right, school has been out for say, a month? Yet it is only getting to me today. I think I'm becoming more lost each day. There isn't exactly any feeling of sadness, merely loss. Still, a good day out for just vegetarian food. I told myself I won't get any more books but somehow I just love getting books from Kino. I recall how I took 1 hour to go there at 8 p.m. on a particular day just to get a book. My dear friend, please take care! IRON MAN 是最強的!!!

5月16日，星期五。 跟旺旺去JP閒逛。吃了一堆垃圾食物。但我就是喜歡做垃圾桶。 晚上約了Darren吃飯。雖然只是短短的兩小時，但我們回顧了中學到高中的許多事情。 原來，我們都長大了。 然後就是跟子睿、壯威和Shaun的通宵麻將。我是大贏家 :D 5月17日，星期六。 早上7點半才睡。下午12點半被媽媽和妹妹的對話吵醒。 媽媽說要到聖陶沙的水族館去參觀，叫妹妹問我要不要去。 我嚴重缺乏睡眠，所以躺在床上假裝熟睡。不想去。 5分鐘后，心魔作祟。 我爬起來去洗澡換衣服，跟媽媽出門。 It's my first time to the Aquarium. Some say, the Underwater World. I'm not sure what the difference is, but anyway, it wasn't as spectacular as I have imagined, considering the rather pricey admission tickets. Nevertheless, I think I see it as a good experience, especially since I hardly see my mum this enthusiastic about exhibits and galleries. Truth be told, I was actually craving for sliced fish soup after the visit. I think I'm born a carnivore.  傍晚，我跟大夥去了芝維畢業短片的“首映禮”。 I liked it, even though some short films were a little too abstract for my understanding. Really liked Charades of Time especially. 很巧，碰上了和彬，還有高中時候在中文學會認識的崑明。 接著跟大家去吃麥儅勞。 過了12點才吃，所以正好是兩周的時間。 我沒有違背自己的諾言 :) 5月18日。星期天。 我還在讓自己期待著更快樂更...

“不管何時何地，發生什麽事，我都站在你這邊！往後也繼續支持你！” 我想朋友就該這樣 :)

今天，並不特別多話。 跟大夥去吃了火鍋。 印象最深刻的，是林立老師牽著方怡的手，帶領我們到他們家附近的火鍋餐館吃晚餐。 一路上，方怡蹦蹦跳跳。我從沒看過她那麽開心。 我對這兩個背影。 一高，一矮。 一個年級較大，另外一個很幼小。 那畫面真的很可愛。 飯桌上，老師先用消毒劑擦嬰兒椅。 接著就是不停的把切碎的食物送到女兒口中。 老師一邊吃，一邊唱著各種兒歌逗女兒笑。 這是我第一次看方怡那麽開心。 回家的時候，她還牽了我的手。 我並不特別喜歡小孩，但是林立老師的女兒跟他一樣，和藹可親 :)

Why does everything seem to be in a mess?

Maybe Heaven decided to give me a second chance...?

I find myself hurting very badly. And I am trying to find a way out of this.

不知道为什么, 就有心痛的感觉。 兜兜转转, 有些事终究不会变。

Is there a Saturday we can live in peace?

I think I'm not liking this feeling.   Of insecurity, anxiety, and maybe a little too much fear.   My mum will not working for two months. Somehow that scares me quite a bit because it probably means a lot less freedom, at the least the kind I want. My brother's girlfriend has moved in her big pink creature (taller than my largest Doraemon) to my room when I was away. She put it right in front of my Doraemon toys, making them hard to find in my sight. It's as if she's telling me that she's starting to invade and asking me to watch out. Suddenly, I find myself grasping. I'm finding it hard to imagine. Seemingly, my life in the very near future is likely to be unprecedentedly full of ups and downs. If everyone is afraid of the unknown, I think I am more scared of the known, for I don't have the slightest idea how I can evade what I don't want to face head-on.   And.   My application number has been removed from the list on the website.   I real...

It was a short 7-day trip. But I have enjoyed myself tremendously. I have to thank my mum for making it possible by financially supporting me in many areas. I want to thank laoda for her very nice family and hospitality for the two days in Gao Hsiung. And I want to thank Yanli most for planning the itineraries and making the trip extremely fruitful and enjoyable. Hmm, time to return to reality now.

070513 师大是个很温馨的学校! 碰到一个很天真可爱的3岁小男生。他在路边採了一朵花给我, so sweet!  080513 好喜欢淡水老街。 沿着海边走, 让海风吹到脸上, 感觉太好了。 

台北是个充满熟悉感的城市! 大概是因为它很像新加坡吧。 今天吃了很多好吃的, 好满足。 可是也许是在老化, 脚一整晚都很酸。 去了国父纪念馆, 也去了士林夜市。 买了好多东西, 也看到久违了的祖邦。 开心!

莲花潭。 红毛文化区。 不会特别深刻, 但我喜欢一路上的风景。 夜市很小型, 但很不错。 我吃了老大一直推荐的"大肠包小肠。是我今天吃到最好吃的! 满足。 另外, 跟两个好朋友去看了"爱河之心"。虽然并不是很壮观, 但是就是很享受和好友这样一路上闲聊打闹。 高雄, 谢谢你啦~

宗族婚礼很特别。 台湾人好亲切。 啊。幸福。 虽然很累, 但也算是过了不错的一天。

Have a blessed birthday sam! :)

期待的日子终于到来。 华人社会的国家, 我去过中国, 去过香港, 就是还没到台湾。 这次终于来到这里。 一下飞机,明显感受到 浓浓的'台' 气息。也许那些很迷台剧或者台湾偶像剧的人会懂我意思。我自己不太看台剧, 但这个地方还是勾起了我仅有的一点对台湾文化的记忆。 一路上一直在问路。发现就算那些人不面带笑容, 还是富有亲切感。他们给予的帮助简直是毫无保留的。很感激。 老大带我们到她的乡村老家看看。除了蚊子很多之外, 我觉得整个感觉很不错。平静, 安逸, 大家感情很好, 交流都充满幽默感。在那之前, 老大先带我们到竹田火车站。火车是由烧煤开动的, 在新加坡根本不能看到。晚上, 赖爸赖妈请我们到"牛园火锅"。 太满足了!

Good food and shopping, HERE I COME! Probably my last holiday trip as a student.

"世界真的很小，好像一转身，就不知道会遇见谁。世界真的很大，好像一转身，就不知道谁会消失。" 这就是你所说的, 世界很小, 也很大吗? 不论大小, 你的世界, 我不在里面。