past.

Today is the last day of December. And it marks the end of the year 2006. Is everyone rejoicing over the fact that 2006 is coming to an end or because 2007 is here? It may sound the same. Yet, I rejoice because 2006 is ending and grieve for having to welcome 2007. Perhaps this is pessimism but I don't have the strength to stretch out my hands and welcome the new beginnings. 2006 is ending but many things that remained in my memories are the times spent in 2005. 2006 has to be the worst year for me. January - Goodbye to Mrs. Tan as Classparent/Last moments with S.H.E/Worst birthday. February - Break-up of S.H.E, Novday. March - Speech Day trainings. April - Someone wanted to end his life because of something dumb. May - No more Guides meetings. June - Mug everyday. July - Terms exams. August - Lectures from teachers during every lesson. September - Prelims. October - Mug. November - O's. December - Rot. Rahil is right. If we had been in the same class, we probably would have had...

The whole world is absolutely brought up on lies. We are fed nothing but lies, and half our lives we live with lies. Most human beings waste some twenty-five to thirty years of their lives before they break through the actual and conventional lies which surround them. I believe there's a reason behind every lie. I lie for a purpose, not for fun. That reason can be a good cause, can be an evil intention.

Towned yesterday but it was a sad thing because I could only look and not buy, with a big hole in my pocket =xxx Met Shirleen and XiuYing up for lunch after that and it could be a last meeting for us in the year 2006. I'm moving into a new phase of my life and even though I'm not loving it, I don't have a choice. I don't have a clear view of what's ahead because everything's a blur. I'm clutching tightly to the past and I haven't got the courage to let go and embrace the present, the future. Till now, it's still an unanswered question.

No idea what's wrong with the Net so hopefully this entry will be successfully posted. So, what a day to have barbeque. Lol. And, my legs are aching. Walk and WaLK and WALK everyday. But, definitely loved chilling out with RBS yesterday. Yeah, just lazy to type their names out =xx There's been a fire in me and I was going to explode anytime, I thought. Thank goodness. I have a good friend, Mr. Lee Yoohoo. The fire was extinguished after I had a talk with him. At least after sorting things out, I feel more answerable to myself. Even though I dreamt and cried in my dream, I know, for a fact, that this isn't reality. And I know I will get better after this hell is over.

It's been hard waking up, waking up to the truth. I've been so blind, couldn't see for love no. Tried my best to ignore it, wish the pain away. But just like tomorrow, its coming round again. So darling, please don't treat me like a fool. It's been hard enough for me, getting over you. Darling please don't treat me like, like you do. I'll be damned if I am gonna let ya, damned if I don't forget ya. So please don't treat me like a fool. Thought I gave you the best, but it wasn't enough. You took advantage of my trusting heart. Tried my best to forgive you, did my best to forget. I am done with the tears and there are no regrets. So darling, please don't treat me like a fool. It's been hard enough for me, getting over you. Darling please don't treat me like, like you do. I'll be damned if I am gonna let ya, damned if I don't forget ya. So please don't treat me like a fool. I know I'll be reaching out to touch you in the ...

Whatever done will NOT be appreciated because it will never touch my heart. You are just a stranger to me, not a blood-related kin, just a tenant in the house to me. If I'm not at my own residence now, I will scream my lungs out. You bet.

Fate is a funny thing. And it has made me smile from this afternoon till now. Haha. My heart still feels warm and the scenes keep playing in my mind. =xxx I have talked to a friend whom I have not talked to for 5 years! =D Sheesh. Knew that Mrs. Kee would scold me for getting into JJ. Rather, she didn't really scold, merely said that I didn't really make a wise choice. However, I'll be school mates with Soon Zai! Wonderful! I'm happy today! (:

My honour to have Shirleen, Kexian, Darren and Kai Xiang to lunch at my house today. I did the cooking! =D But I hope they're still fine so far, not suffering from food poisoning or whatsoever. =xxx It's been some time since we had a chat with one another. Definitely nice to catch up with this bunch of friends, especially when they were never my classmates. The last time I got the CDC & CCC Good Progress Award was years back, when I was P3? Yeah. I still remember. And I waited and waited. I'm finally getting another one! Man, this is my long-awaited award! Back then, it was only 50 bucks. But now, 150. Not too bad yeah? Haha. However, the money doesn't really matter to me. It will be kept in my bank account anyway. I'm just glad the clinching of this award means something =D The BIG deal is that, I dreamt of it last night and I saw the letter today! (((((: I'm sure it tells something about my progress in studies. Yeah, I have improved. Yay.

I'm worried for the company looking at how my girls run it. Of course, I'm not saying my batch of leaders has done a great job but apparently the new leaders aren't proving themselves and I dare to say, we have done much better than them. This isn't bragging, it's a fact. Shirleen and Kexian are coming over for lunch tomorrow and we finally can catch up? It's been a long time, really. Oh ya. I have got a ZYC's calendar =D

Went to school to learn lashings and knots from Jia Hui and Melissa today. The ropes hurt my hand but still, I have learnt something new and it was kind of fun. Of course, there's another reason why I went to school today. Before everything was revealed, Mrs. Gan has already spilled the beans to Melissa and me. So I finally could heave a sigh of relief and throw the stone that was lying on my heart away. I didn't really want to see, i thought. But I still saw and from then on, everything I saw at everywhere else seemed to be linked to him. Maybe that was only hallucination. Maybe. Shopping with Melissa after that. Perhaps we were bored to the extent that we had to shop at IKEA. LOL. Decision making isn't really a nice game to play. To make it worse, I am clueless about what I really want. I can ask for advice but eventually, I will still have to make the decision myself. No one, at all, can tell me what I should choose, what decision to make. Does it really concern my futur...

Yesterday Melissa called me and told me she missed me a lot when I was away. That's probably the first time I'm hearing her say that she misses me. I waited four years for my graduating farewell party yet I had to miss it. What to do? Finally, I learnt that the punishment of a liar is that even when he speaks the truth, he is not believed. I will not be trusted anymore because that's my punishment. But it's best I leave things this way, I guess. Afterall, several excuses are always less convincing than one. This life is too short to have everything explained. Even if I use my whole life to explain, I may not be believed in the end. Tomorrow is the release of N level results. I promise to be down to support and i will. There are so many friends I want to support. Shirleen, Kexian, Felicia, XiuYing, Sheena, SiNi, Nicolle, Aishu, Jason, Meganathan. And another friend who doesn't really regard me as a friend. Almost everyone, including Mrs. Gan, says that he might not ...

I'm back! And I missed everyone! Oh well, it was my first time on a plane and it was definitely a bad experience! But the flight back was much better, though, the food on the plane really sucks. =xx Going on holidays can really be a torment! Especially when the weather isn't nice and everything's a hassle! WORST OF ALL, after this trip, I have only one word to describe myself. That is, BLOATED! Really thought the food there wouldn't suit me and I was going to skip many meals. But I was wrong! The food there tasted great and I had two servings for almost every meal! Oh my, guess my friends won't be able to recognise me anymore! =xxx Hmmm. I have seen a king cobra. I have been to the biggest gems gallery and seen my favourite sapphire. I have stayed in the world's tallest hotel! So it was still a fruitful trip! =D Of course, this is partly because of all the things I got from the shopping! I LOVE SHOPPING! Most of all, my mum's good at bargaining the prices an...

Just read my 4 December 2005's entry. Then i don't have to repeat. HAHAH! Of course not!!! Firstly, i screamed because i saw JOE so many times!!! Really, for the first time, i screamed until like that for star awards! =xxx But then, very sad la. My 715 didn't win the best lead actor award. HOWEVER, he still got into top ten! *cheerios*! (((((((: And, because of that award he received, i almost tore my sister's shirt! =xx Oh yah! Some stupid woman spoke so loudly when my 715 was making his speech! Terrible! So high! I so love my 715 and JOE!

gala night was quite fun afterall, although i really felt the pain not being able to go to the airport to see JOE! it was the same feeling i had when i missed blue's concert in 2004. it is still nice that 8 of us unite no matter how much misunderstandings we have with one another. the scouts were funny and crazy. melissa, jiemin and i, being the only group of three, joined the water element group. yeah, so zun. that group consisted of brudder badd and melissa's benedict. haha. and, i didn't know badd could dance! HAHAH. but the banana dance really sucked anyway. =xxx TODAY IS 10 DECEMBER 2006! it is a day to remember! 1. HAPPY FIRST YEAR TO ANGIE AND YINGHAO! =D 2. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO PEI SIN! 3. THERE IS STAR AWARDS TONIGHT! everyone, please watch star awards tonight!!! please please please!! because, there will be ... -QI YU WU! -JOE! i'm so looking forward!!!

it's really nice to have your dedication read out on air. mine was read out on yes933 last night at 1 a.m. it goes like this. "zheng yuan chang is coming to singapore. YAY! to angie and yinghao whose first anniversary is coming." but i think both of them didn't hear that. haha. and talking about zheng yuan chang, JOE, i'm going crazy!! he's coming to singapore and i can't check when's his flight!! i want to see him in person!!! bought farewell gifts with sini today. warrick said, "money can't buy everything." but without money, i can't do many things. hey, it's true okay. indeed, money can't buy certain things, especially the intangible ones. however, without it, i'm nothing too. as time passes, i'm no longer grieving over the fact that it's an unrequited love. because this unrequited love is like a bud, that conceals endless possibilities. perhaps the hope that it gives me is far much better than that when it'...

it's been 20 months. although the feelings haven't really faded, i can still confidently say that i have moved on. i will probably just take him as a movie star, an idol. seeing him is enough to make me smile, make me feel contented, i guess. maybe i shouldn't feel any pain anymore. since i am not in love with him anymore. i love him, but not in love with him anymore. he doesn't even have to know whether i harbour any feelings for him. he just has to be happy. perhaps it is still comforting sometimes that i have only held on for 20 months. his devotion definitely lasted far more than these 20 months. he and i, we are just like a bud that will never bloom into a flower. the flower will never wither then. this has to be the best ending. it must be. (:

before o's, nothing really occupied my mind before i sleep and i probably dozed off at midnight. during o's, questions that were likely to come out occupied my mind and i slept at latest 2am. and i never expected a lack of sleep AFTER o's. ha. what a joke. life was a torture before and during the exams. but it isn't much of a difference after the exams. everything bombarded my mind, and shucks, giving me sleepless nights. wasted each day away, killed every minute and second.

my nose is like a running tap now. lol.. it's always nice to be remembered by a friend, ain't it? mr. sk called me before he flew. sweet isn't he?! i know i'm always right to call him the best person on earth (; if i can never overcome those obstacles, i can never succeed. so here i go. i have to overcome them. and yeah, BUBBLE BOY IS NICE! (;

this feeling is hard to suppress but still, i'm trying. at least the heart is dead, the soul is dead. the feelings will just have to fade and everything will come to a halt.