past.

i guess i'm not considered risking because i have assumed that i can trust every single person who knows about my blog. even if anyone thinks he/she should tell or spread, it's fine with me. now what? stheng always says she has given up on her friendship with limin. how true is that? rahil is right. "she has said that a lot of times but it never seemed to be true." with regards to that, i have to agree. who isn't tired of her talking about it all the time? she thinks by asking rahil the root of the problem will solve it? i'm sorry. everyone around always likes to say "fine la! my fault!" okay, i hate that. i really hate that. it's letting people feel guilty instead. no one says it, but isn't it just true? i guess most of the time we are just trying all means and excuses or whatever shit to exonerate ourselves. it's because we do not learn to look at the other side. NO ONE is not biased. even if we have listened to both sides of the story,...

oh mah god. IT'S OVER! IT'S OVER IT'S OVER IT'S OVER! applause please. =xxx okay.. just got scolded again. blah blah blah. i don't know how to put it across man. this is shitty. i go she also scold. i don't go she also scold. i don't know what she wants. i'm bored to tears. and dead beat. and starving. i want to jump off a building now. so confused. !@#$% ^&*(

okay, i'm as usual taking a break again. not going to school tomorrow. stressed, tired, sian, lethargic, restless. they are not just the words to describe my current state. i just can't think of more. could someone understand me? nah, it's not because i didn't let it out that no one understands me. it's not. it's a matter of who trusts me wholeheartedly. few more days. i'm scared. i'm really scared. partly because i am unprepared, which is definitely my own fault. on the other hand i'm just ... well. i don't know what's that word.

let me take a break from revision. though i am SUPER DEAD with my bloody slow reading. =xx gastric ! thought will eat a lot again after exams. ain't that true after all. lost all my appetitite these days. beats me. got back that green book today. -you-know-what- oh ya!! I'M PROMOTED TO SEC4. -grins- thank goodness i'm not saying hi to sec3 again. phew. =xx but urm. mrs tan wrote a super long comment on the slip. partly praising me about carnival. indirectly but obviously. lol. usually i'd go like "hmmm. true true." when i see comments in my book. =xx a bit the bhb but is true ma. keke. but this time uh. feel super bad. lol. =/ how i wished to tell her that the ideas of the carnival were not mine. if i could be an entrepreneur like what she said, i myself would laugh my teeth off. =xx but anyway, FINALLY there's a digit 2 for my class position. and it's in FRONT of the other. congratulate me for upgrading by one digit. hee. ((: okay, back to ...

they split liao. i didn't really want to hear that. it's sad . but i'll be there when you need me. (: i'm still too unmotivated !! wanting to go out all the time. sick of staying at home. hmmm. i'm hungry! yesterday had my 3-in-1 meal. breakfast and lunch and dinner combined at the 2 p.m. time slot! mind you, i had only one meal yesterday!! bad gastric pain now. =xxx know something? ckm doesn't mean a thing to me after all. HA. *claps* for myself. for being so bold to say such thing. =xx well. time to study!!

last night talked to tsutsu for 2 hours until like 12.30. then don't know we sot or what. after that still msged until 2 a.m. LOL. and surprisingly i woke up at 8.30 this morning. we are so dumb. =/ i'm like so lame again. went to browse through my friends' past entries. like i have nothing better to do. well at least i have learnt something from them. over the years, many things have happened, many things have changed. you could say i have become more matured after losing so much. you could say i was trying to turn a blind eye to things i don't like. i'm tired of all my own philosophy, if they even were. matrix is so right, my expiry date is so short . ha. he's absolutely right. or it could be because i show only the ugly side of myself. highly recommending ye qu by JAY . NICE.

total crap. so lost at what to do for the proposal. stupid student suggestion thing. =/ doubt our proposal will be considered. lol. my big exam is coming and i have not studied!! i'm so DEAD. i told myself i must get 1 because this is my one and only chance. but i'm like so slack. what's more i thinking about those useless and lame stuff. a waste of my time. STUDY STUDY STUDY! think too much. what's more wishful thinking.

uber sick. migraine's acting up again. i hate it. max was on the phone just now. i almost couldn't put down. =xx he was busy recommending fish 's song. lucky i was smart enough. PHEW. =x failed 3 subjects. no one can be lousier than me. one more step to giving up. the cd's not working. i'm exploding.

i'm just super tired. had 90 minutes of sleep only okay. 4.30 a.m. to 6 a.m. and it's A.M. didn't sleep the whole night. i'm dozing off any moment. and anyway it was a bad day. i don't deserve good results, at all. presently it's like the toughest stage of my life. i'm so going to give up. failed both sciences. what follows will be chinese lit.

above title - a recommendation by max . the way he described the mtv. wa. touched my heart. anyway, the song is SUPER NICE ! hee. darn touching. no need see lyrics also can cry man. so, this is bad. the guolian who doesn't like fish leong has been influenced by max and company . =xx went jalan-ing! with my daughter FROGGIE and her PAMPERED lover and the lovable mother CHEW CHEW ! hahah. bought a pair of nice nice cheap cheap slippers with my nu er ! finally i bought slippers! hahah. we walked a few hours man. lovely day anyway! (: then went to west mall with matrix and tecky . bought stuff. tecky 's eyes aimed at something! eh tecky . i know matrix like de la. he was um chio-ing eh. =xxx HAHA! went home on the 50-min bus. met xiaowei ! as usual, we were engaged in our unlimited conversation. haha. so hungry now! craving for coke especially! =xx tomorrow is doom's day . =/

I will not make the same mistakes that you did I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery I will not break the way you did You fell so hard I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk Because of you I learned to play on the safe side So I don't get hurt Because of you I find it hard to trust Not only me, but everyone around me Because of you I am afraid I lose my way And it's not too long before you point it out I cannot cry Because I know that's weakness in your eyes I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh Every day of my life My heart can't possibly break When it wasn't even whole to start with Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk Because of you I learned to play on the safe side So I don't get hurt Because of you I find it hard to trust Not only me, but everyone around me Because of you I am afraid I watched you die I heard you cry Every night in your sleep I was...

the above title is modified from red general 's msn nick. cool! watched the 9.30 show just now. zhang zhi lin is so bloody shuai!!! =xx before he died, he said to shuqi , "the thing i wanted to steal was... your heart." "but you stole my heart instead." oh mah god!! can't watch tong meng qi yuan tomorrow le. so gotta rot at home. sianity civilisation!! okay, i'm just so bored. let me crap a little. firstly, not many people know about this blog. i should say only really close friends know? rahil , mel , chew chew , limin , matrix , tecky , pengpeng and quek . used to keep changing blog url. and usually the first to know would be rahil. followed by sther, huimin and blah blah blah. but nah, not anymore. i have learnt to see things a different way, i think. it's not really too good to let too many people know something. lol. the previous blog i had, sucked la. first thing, it had an indirect impact on rahil and me. second, i have to beware of those i ...

okies dokies. fast food day man! had pizza for lunch with matrix and tecky . had mac for dinner with tecky . having kfc for supper later! omg. how much calories am i gaining?! =xx hmm. just reached home 5 minutes ago. went to jalan jalan with matrix and tecky at je. had a very expensive lunch. =xx with matrix paying the taxes! hee. then went to lib to EAT TIDBITS . lol. cannot find my lei yu ! =/ then tecky and i went to popular to find that stupid cd. =xx but don't have! so went to jp de mj to find. also don't have! in the end went to sembawang. FINALLY, found. but weird weird de. hee. then went to clementi to meet joyce tan . she gave me $$ eh. =xxx zuan dao eh! =xx so went dinnering with tecky at mac . talked and talked until so late. but die le! because of the wrong frequencies . hahah. tecky, shhh. hee. =xx

sorry mel, for attitude-ing you over the phone just now. thanks for the heartwarming words. (: over-ed the whole morning and afternoon with pengpeng , tsutsu and yuanyuan . had fun. casting our hollywood movie . haha. but after 4.30, such a goner. lol. fCuk. because of you, i am afraid. ha. i'm just lacking the attention i desire. it's pardonable that i cry. matrix, you're right. it ain't a crime to cry, at all. wo zi chi ni! hahah. everyone take care. drink lotsa water and enjoy the marking days. try watching a movie alone.

you know what i was going to say, ya? FINALLY AND FINALLY AND FINALLY. dooodooodooo. people must be mapling again. zZz. but too bad it's under maintenance . wahahaha. i'm such a saddist. =xx well. another 2 weeks to another big exam . hmmm. so over just now! hahaha. with jiahui , matrix , tecky , zirui and nanyang . hmmm. lots of things going through my mind lately. even though the tarot cards may not be so true, still hope what max said would come true. tecky is so right. "if you say a lie, you have to say another 10 lies to cover up that one lie." it's true. and i told so many lies today. okay, i'm off for dinner first!

darren said, "out of 365 days in a year, you're like emo for 360 days." lol. like i want to eh. and anyway, who told him that? that person i'm super angry with. that person who rather clear his name than honour a promise. okay, i am HAPPY today. i am supposed to be happy today. i have to be because of sheena . she got scolded by some RIDICULOUS people because of me for nothing. bloody hell . helluva fun during pe and chinese. too bad, i couldn't help by taking in deep breaths before i exploded. when i had a good dream, everyone told me it'd come true. when i had a bad one, everyone would comfort me and tell me it'd not come true. why? because we are all humans. we don't want the bad things to happen to us. we want the good stuff. i don't want friends who tell me they will be there for me but turn their backs at me. i have had enough. stop lying and pretending nothing has happened. jiahui , mel , limin , yinghao , thanks. at least i can hear ...

i feel super cheated. how can he ever betray his friend just to clear his name? i feel so hurt. i failed to be with her when she needs someone so much. for my own benefit, i'm not honouring my promise. well, i just need some attention from my family. don't i rightfully deserve that? if that's the way i'm supposed to be treated, then why give birth to me in the first place? who can i trust? i need someone so badly to listen to me, to lend me a shoulder, and not keep bombarding me with questions and giving me advice that i won't heed.

a girl who is full of hope about tomorrow, is so gonna break down. today, especially. why did my dream come true? nah, it's a nightmare. part of it came true. i really really hope the other part won't. i hope it's a prank. i'm so scared. so scared nothing can calm me down. i don't care if this is childish, superstitious, whatever. then. why did things turn out this way? what have i done again this time? why do you all always give me that kind of treatment? what have i done to deserve that? stop acting please. i can't stand it. i thought i was the only one who would act. but nah, it's not true. let my tears flow back, please.

english papers were like SHIT . i could flunk my languages already. lol. did some work in school with rahil and matrix . then 2+ went home. my migraine's acting up again. what the hell. STRESSED UH!! saw his pic eh. wonder if he's still using the watsons water bottle like before. lol. he does really love her. like duh? almost 2 years le. maybe more. but i'm here, still living in jealousy. i don't want to deny but yea, i am jealous. i am envious of her. i am envious of their stable relationship. when i need you, you're almost here. i'm sorry i took our love for granted. lessons tomorrow. hai.

really pissed. don't ask me why. i can't put that across to anyone. when i looked into the mirror, my face was so blank, unreadable expression. all i needed was a condusive environment to study. it's my house. MY HOUSE . and i can't even study peacefully in MY OWN HOUSE . my exams are here. and they rather have their mahjong games than give up MY ROOM to me myself. i hate it. i really hate it. even if they don't give a damn whether that was MY ROOM , don't i deserve some special privilege with a fact that my exams are here? great isn't it? it's MY OWN HOUSE . and yet NOT A SINGLE PLACE in MY OWN HOUSE was suitable for me to study. wtf. i tried to forget the facts. but all's getting on my nerves.

i have dinner with her like once in a fortnight? yet it always has to end up in a lecture . when can 7 of us have a peaceful meal at the dining table again? i really wonder.. it was supposed to be a fabulous day. yea, SUPPOSED . shawn says the use of 'supposed' always means the opposite of one's expectations. how true. you know what i mean. rather, one minute ago, it has somehow been restored. because someone talked to me on msn. so amazingly. LOL. "i'm not a perfect person..there's many things i wish i didn't do.." okay. obvious enough. the track is playing again. lol. had geog remedial this morning. supposed to have breakfast with matrix . but he was late. so i went to school with rahil . to STUDY. ha. talk cock only. lol. went to makan with matrix and wee after ss. then matrix and i went to meet my FUTURE IN-LAW and my DAUGHTER , who was picked from the dumps. =xxx matrix went home so soon, leaving 3 of us studying there. then 3 of us went t...