past.

imm with badd, with rahil joining later. TAUFIQ IS CUTE! he greeted me with his little hand, and i love him loads! and then got a present for someone who's leaving tomorrow. ha. i'll probably be bored to death?! queensway-ed with them and darren. shucks, spent half my money already. and WOW, we saw ....... and my heart ached all the way till i reached home. it rained heavily. the areas around my place were horribly flooded. the bus uncle was funny. he stopped the bus some distance away from the bus stop! so, duh. i was wet. and since i was already drenched, might as well enjoy myself in the rain. while walking home when there was still a deluge, i stepped into the puddles of water and soaked my feet. so fun! the moment i reached my doorstep, i know, i have let go. rahil, i have deleted those pictures in my phone! LOL! i have moved on people, i really have.

read through Mr. LeeYooHoo's blog and was shocked to see that he actually mentioned about novday. lol! how long has it been since we splitted up? 14 February till now. do the counting. ha. i read that entry and i know, those happy days will be erased from my mind. those moments are not meant for keeping, because they will only hurt the souls. so, novday shall vanish forever (: missed my periods for two months and they are finally back, and cramps are killing me. why must girls be put through all these, i really can't figure out why. shucks, i'm missing those studying days. some screws must be loose up there. ha. nineteen months and it's ending.

today is 2711o6. "you got to take a picture with her. it's probably the last chance." "fate will help us. hope you find your true love out there next time." this feeling is like.. a hand reached my heart and twisted it. ha. please be happy.

when a glass or a plate is dropped to the ground, it makes a loud crashing sound. when a window shatters or a table leg breaks, or when a picture falls off the wall it makes a noise. but when a heart breaks, it's completely silent. and that's when i wish there was a noise to distract me from the pain. they have been filling my head all these while. i really can't prevent the thoughts from intruding my mind. perhaps one day i will let you know the pain i am going through and maybe i will come to realise that all these didn't really feel painful. last night was the last moment but i didn't cherish. maybe this shouldn't end nice since it didn't even begin. it was just nineteen months of one-sidedness.

shopping with rahil and badd was nice. reunion dinner was nice. 4b1 people were nice. the moon tonight was nice. picture taking was.. nice. even if i'm not tired of myself saying i will give up and i will not, everyone else is.

i know i have not succeeded though it's been nineteen months. it's okay. bit by bit. little by little. step by step. pace by pace. slowly, i will erase everything. and stop saying fuck, will you?

went with my sis to take her psle results. so sad can?! she scored 1 mark higher than me! well, though still proud of her that she was the only distinction scorer in her higher chinese class. and then? kena scolded by mrs kee for saying first 3 months don't matter =xx schooled today to take pictures of the almost-demolished ctss. lol. kinda suck la. and, nobody in school.. then went to see max and zirui cut hair! zirui has new hairstyle le! so proud of him! hahah. stop appearing and vanishing like your presence and absence don't matter.

wcp was peaceful today. probably everyone has nicer places to go after the o's. this message is dedicated to guolian. CAN YOU WAKE UP PLEASE?! CAN YOU MOVE ON PLEASE?! STOP BEING PARANOID AND LIVE IN MISERY WILL YOU? YOU WANTED TO TELL HIM SO MANY THINGS DIDN'T YOU?! THEN WHY DID YOU ASK HIM TO GO AWAY WHEN HE'S JUST BEHIND YOU ASKING YOU WHAT HAPPENED? WHY CAN'T YOU JUST THRASH THINGS OUT WITH HIM?! YOU SAID THEY OUTCAST YOU. WEREN'T YOU THE ONE WHO MADE THEM IGNORE YOU FIRST?! YOU SO BLOODY SUCK. WAKE UP LA!

swimming with peipei today. 2 hours in the pool was suangnity! =xx but then rained before we even got out of the pool =/ oh well. went to wm to buy prezzies. got angie a precious moments calendar. cute! hmmmm. you don't have to lie to me. but you chose to. and again, i feel cheated. so what now? friends are meant to be cheated? sometimes i really don't like the way darren does things. but i got to admit that usually because of him, things can be salvaged. what's this? revenge? if i had a choice again, i won't choose to know you.

another ordinary day yesterday. went to hq with sini. items in guide house are so cute! would have bought more if i had the money =xx registration for YA got to wait till next year. sad. swimming today!! finally man. the last time i went was p4?! oh my. i don't feel easy that exams are over =/ all i wanted.

you won't know what's the word to use when the stress of O LEVELS is eradicated! awwwwwwwww. totally cannot be expressed with words! the moment mrs ali said, "okay, put your pens down.", i almost floated! but she was right too. 4 years gone just like that. while checking my chem paper for the last time, i looked at my watch and saw that it was 2 minutes before my journey ended. at that moment, pictures of life in ctss flashed through my mind. sec1..sec2..sec3..sec4.. happy ones, sad ones, everything. sec1 has been childish. sec2 slacked like hell and wonderful times with 2c1o4. sec3 was fun with guiding. sec4 sucked but still, made many great friends. and there i am, at the finishing line, waiting for history and poa students before i cross the line. it pained me a little more, though. for i'm leaving as an empty person, unable to tell how i feel inside.

yeah. o's officially started today. and i'm slacking away right now. when it comes to release of results, i will probably regret and say, 'should have mugged'. 'o levels' will perhaps be added to my list of regrets then. i tolerated. i really did. at least i tried. perhaps i'm petty. but the capacity of my tolerance is limited. and it's reaching its limits. i see hope and that's why i have tried very hard to sustain. yet, it looks like my efforts are in vain and i'm the only willing party. i'm human too. i have feelings, i have the ability to think. i have my rights. and i have my fears, my phobia, my flaws. but don't i have the basic right to know what i did wrong? don't i have a chance to explain myself? yeah, true. maybe it's really true. life is too short to have everything explained. there are some truths that will never be revealed. and i just won't have enough time to explain everything in details. and i will just have ...