past.

不知道下次你回来的时候，我们是否都变了？还是变的人是你？ 改变应该是不可避免的吧… 我只希望友谊永存，保持联络。 离别，是想念和珍惜的开始…

We got to learn to be on our own, someday, somehow, somewhat. HAPPY BIRTHDAY WATERMELON :) Suddenly, I am missing Ying Peng already. I know she will be back. I know we can keep in touch. But do you know, somehow things will just be different. It's like, even if you keep in touch with your primary school friends, it doesn't mean you will still be so close the next time you meet up. There's probably bound to be some unspoken awkwardness. I do regret. I regret not meeting up with Ying Peng more often. Regret not planning more outings. Ying Peng, I miss you :( I am so going to miss you. Please come back during your summer breaks. Please contact me. You've been a great friend. Your words always give me strength and boost my confidence. I am going to miss the times we bused home together and share so many things on our way home. I'm going to miss birthday celebrations with you around. Going to miss all of these... 今夜应该会很沉重吧....

每个星期的开始，我仿佛都会觉得好象缺少了一些精神寄托…… Technically speaking, today was the first examination I ever took in university. My first university examination!! And I screwed it up, like totally. I promise I won't pass this paper, really. But well, what's over is over. I'm glad it's over even though I am sure I haven't done well. Am feeling the tension already. Everyone worrying over mid terms, projects, assignments.... In addition, I have CTSSA soccer tournament planning... ASPIRE Camp 2010... Suddenly I thought of Zhao Wei's line in 画皮.... 杀了我吧！ This is just so apt. My migraine is back to kill. I just need a good sleep and have everything cleared off my mind. Hardly possible. It's ok, you know you can do it, GuoLian. I always have faith in you. (Don't worry I don't have a split personality.)

Memorising notes can be an interesting thing to do actually. I just need a little more motivation and concentration span to stay at my study table. Jiayou GL, you can't give up, really.. The rain is sure to come. Don't be too reliant on the sun. 我应该就走开就算感情还在 我应该就放开对他不再依赖 忘了曾有过的片段这是属于你们的未来 不要看到你们的爱败给了时间 我能愿选择离别没有一句怨言 直到你能若无其事聊起了从前 我才发现彼此都了解 默契是最宝贵的语言

I miss my kids!! This is the nth year I'm celebrating mid autumn festival at NHPS. Just felt different without ex-classmates there. So many different and new faces.. 真的要走吗？

Talking to Joel yesterday set me thinking through a lot. It's sad how I find it difficult to tell Ohana so many things when they are supposed to be my closest, tightest clique. While I say I care for them, care for them so much, maybe I'm just afraid that I'll lose them if I were to sit down with them and thrash things out. Maybe it's pure selfishness on my part. I care too much about the togetherness, about everyone staying as a group. Is it because we haven't gone through enough? For all of us to be the most truthful with one another? I don't like it when you all say Guolian = emo = lock blog. The only reason I hide my blog from you all is that you guys always don't understand what I'm trying to say... But to you all I'm perhaps just trying to 耍 my 小姐脾气... When do I have the courage to sit down with 8 of you and speak up? I really wonder... 我也希望自己可以解释给你们听，你们听不懂，我就解释到你们明白为止。但我还没找到勇气这么做......

Suddenly felt that I had a lot to tell Ying Peng.. I guess we are always like that? When the people around you are leaving, you start to miss them, you start to cherish the time spent with them. Ying Peng and I were never best friends. However, we share a very close friendship... Miss the times we take bus home together after school, and then we will chat non-stop... I'm beginning to miss Ying Peng and I don't feel like sending her off next week. If anyone realised, I seldom say goodbye, be it SMS or MSN. Cos' I really hate to say goodbye. What's so good about saying bye? Had a game with Watermelon today and it was good seeing those guys again after some time... Must you go? I have about 2 years... To learn how to live a life without the chats...

Alfred 今天就死了。也许是种解脱，因为他再也不用带着愧疚感面对常在心。 如果失去才懂得珍惜，那么常在心也许失去的不是Alfred，而是懂得了如何珍惜。这样的结局未尝不是件美事。若是Alfred还在，常在心也许永远不会原谅他？虽然他最终还是死了，起码常在心已经原谅他，也算死得有价值。 我不想失去了才懂得珍惜，所以一开始我就根本不想拥有。不拥有，不会失去，不会痛。 I studied today :) Watermelon joined me :) Were supposed to go for dinner with Starfruit and Coconut but there were 2 casualties so it was called off. I was actually looking forward :( Alright no choice. Take care Coconut and Watermelon! Saw so many Dang Dang shirts at Baleno!!! :(:(:( Ok ok I know. I am supposed to be scrimping and saving! I know I can!! School is so near and I hate it. Yes I know, got to accept it right... Let me finish my tang xin feng bao first :D

不，我简直是白痴.... Brought my sis for a walk around IMM where we met Mrs Yong and her newborn. Happy family :) My dangdang tee shirt from IP Zone are almost sold out. Only left with about 5 of them and all are either L and XL. I am super upset :( :( Why do I always regret. Stupid. Study, again. Please allow me to move on, again. I know I'm going to take a long time. Shit. I know I'm going to be damn upset but please don't SMS me anymore, talk to me online anymore. Maybe I will move on faster this way. Maybe I will be more firm to let go this way. You've kept me whole these 2 years and it's really enough.. These days I've become so dependent on your messages and conversations on msn that everytime my phone says "1 new message", I'll be expecting you. Everytime a conversation box pops up, I'll be expecting you. I cannot afford to live on these false hopes anymore because I know, one day if they were to disappear from my life, my world will crumble. I k...

STUDY, GUOLIAN. STUDY. Stop reading your socio textbook but with your mind at a faraway place.. You don't have much time to prepare for so many subjects. Get back on the tracks, NOW. Please. Why is that every time, every single time when I try to move on, you'll appear and sway my mind. Sometimes I feel so useless, so tired. Ben is right... 明知不会有结果，干嘛还要浪费时间... You've already been very, very nice to me. And it's really enough. Stop being so nice..or 我会不舍得...

Farewell for furball. I'm so going to miss her... She has always been a very enthusiastic member who always turns up for class gatherings. Can't imagine myself planning for more gatherings without her. Tons of things to complete. I feel damn sleepy. Jiayoujiayou GL. I just don't want you to think that I'm seeking a chance to enter your life while someone just left. I never thought of it. I never even thought I'd ever stand a chance to step in.

I told Mum about it and she said.... 最好不要找别人不要的。 So mean! >. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MENGLI :) HAPPY BIRTHDAY DHA :) Edits: I tried to explain that I'm really busy and I can't tutor anymore. But I lost. I know I would lose. I always know that I can't stand firm. At my own decision. My stand. I'm so easily swayed. I should just go and die. IMISSYOU.

Ladies night was really, really good :) Miss the days with the girls. Guiding, lunching, laughing, crapping, everything. Sheena is still the joke of the group and I love her loads la. No school today! This only happens once in a fortnight... And the day is ending..... :( And while I slack (I did study) at home today, many thoughts went through my mind again. 1. Next week is recess week but 7 days aren't enough for me to complete all the things I have to. 2. I mustn't give up yet because I haven't done my best. I will rest if I think I have tried my best and am tired. 3. Now I think I am too happy, too blessed. That I feel insecure :/ Everything goes on too smoothly that I'm afraid I won't be ready for an unseen attack or a sudden blow. 4. I promise I will try not to be greedy! I will just look forward to every weekend! I will try! Please don't take away from me what I am very happy with now... We only chat every weekend and sometimes worse, once every week. But ...

The day was long but once again, I've overcome it and survived. I always know that the tough times will be over:) You just got to believe that confidence is half the battle won. I'm sometimes amazed by how strong I stand, despite all the odds against me. I always feel that you give me strength.

Sometimes it's really the little things that matter. Sometimes the ones you always hang out with just aren't your best friends. I always feel that you're here with me and that's enough. Jiayou, GuoLian. Jiayou.

xxx says (7:44 PM): well.. xxx says (7:44 PM): im trying to xxx says (7:45 PM): frankly, it's not easy xxx says (7:46 PM): i feel like im in a crowd, yet so alone. xxx says (7:46 PM): haha, okay. i bet you dont understand what i mean Somehow I think I might understand...

Went cycling with the guys. Haven't seen Badd in the longest time ever. Still as crappy as ever that bastard. Super long bus ride and lots to talk about along the way. I like how time is spent with friends and in a constructive manner. But I got to wake up and get back to my books again. Emo is still my cup of tea.

We just got to learn to be contented:) Today, the SMS at 4.59p.m is the best thing that can ever happen this year. I think it's enough. I'm contented. I'm happy:) Ohana Day celebration came late but still, very enjoyable. Haven't had such fun for a long time and also, we had full strength for a second time:) Wonderful dinner (even though damn ex) and even better company. I wish we'll always be like that...