past.

Caught 画皮 with Zhi, Angie and Rui. My first movie with Zhi that has both our ouxiangs in it! :D It was brilliant, I promise! Don't give it a miss just because you think it's a China production and it's not going to be interesting. I guarantee it's thrilling and the twist in the story will make you enjoy the movie! And and and, not because AhWU is in it that's why I'm saying this. :] Visited Max also and he's... Ohwell. Alive and jumping! =xx TAKE CARE DA BAO! Took some criminals-like pictures with PAELOLclique yesterday. So stiff! :/ Please don't mock at me for not being able to move on. It's so difficult. I'm sorry, that I don't have the determination to do it. :(

Firstly, replying tags and comments, Thank you ah zai. I can feel your presence. :] Thank you chewchew. You don't have to say anything too cos I know you're always there. :] Thank you Angie. I know I always have LCfamily that's why this time I really wasn't emo-ing. :] Thankyou all. That post probably seemed ..emo? Well but I'm definitely fine. I'm not even angry to see myself being cursed by my own sister. :] Okay so it was a very boring day. Lonely too I would say. I was alone during CLL lesson and there were only 5 of us during GP lesson. A 1.5-hour of GP lesson became a consultation session. I slept at 9pm last night so I thought I'd probably be super energetic today but nah, I still almost dozed off during CLL language lesson after having consumed a panadol cap. Then my phone vibrated. Good luck to your A level exams. During the O levels, you show that you can do it if you WANT it. So, what's stopping you? See you at the pinnacle of the A. It was ra...

"Pek chek! F***ing pek chek! Argh!My blood is boiling and I feel like I'm gonna erupt like a volcano anytime. I've lost all my f***ing privacy all thanks to that stupid Guolian who always wanna use my laptop and love to f***ing log off my google account. F***! I think I'm gonna change my password again and this time round, I'm never gonna let her know. F***ing idiot! She's so cold and rude and proud. If she shall fail her 'A' Levels, it'd be good. She should do some soul searching. A fall from grace would be good for her. It would be a pricey lesson but it shall serve her well. A**hole!" Found this on my sis' blog. If you're wondering what kind of a person I really am, then yes. Perhaps it's all that she has said, rude, proud, cold. I don't deny I'm two totally different persons out of home and at home. Those who have seen me scream at the man my mum married, you know. :] I feel that my family background is rather complicate...

It took me a week to get over and it takes me a week to fall in again. Don't tell me this is part and parcel of life because it's simply causing too much hurt. I'm sorry this fairytale has to end. I'm sorry you have to fall this hard when you're at your happiest.

I've given up counting down to A's some time last week. The clock is ticking, time is running out. God has been fair. He gave us all 24 hours a day each but I never did cherish my time. I slacked every precious minute and second away, including now that I'm posting this entry. This feeling of not having enough time to spend is extremely overwhelming that I can't help but feel lost. I really deserve to be given a tight slap if that is what will wake me up from my daydreams. GUOLIAN WILL YOU WAKE UP PLEASE!!

First time in the same lecture since PAE ended! Missed it tons, really.

The heading is actually the theme of tonight's event. :] It was a late celebration for mid-autumn festival, suggested by Miss Angie. It was wonderful day spent in school because.... (shhh...) JJcians clashed with AJcians(of course JJcians arrived earlier because AJcians are always the slowpokes. *shakes head*) at IMM Giant to buy BBQ food and stuff. Don't know the other 3 were there to buy food or shopping la. *rolls eyes* So Zi Rui and I DILIGENTLY went around to get the necessities and tada.... We ran from Giant to JE, JE to Lot1, Lot1 to CCK's provision shop to get all the necessary items. FINALLY. We got to enjoy some Mr. Bean to quench our thirst. :D And then it was preparation for highlight of the night - SABOSENG! As well as food preparation! Marlyn was a great help I promise. Without her we definitely wouldn't get to enjoy the great food. :] A long wait for our dear Melissa Jia Hui Tsu Hui Esther and Zhuang Wei before we could start the game!! I would just say I...

Showed Angie who shuai shuai is! >. I start to wonder whether the words I said really count. :( There're just too many things to do and I'm so super slack.

A red bean ice cream was enough to make me feel light(not literally) and happy. Goodfriend Bren made my day. :] "Keep the faith", she said. Indeed, sometimes when all the odds are against you, it's far too difficult to not lose faith in the things you do, in the people around you. Yet, having faith seems to be the most important and most basic. If you stop fighting with your thoughts and cool down, you'll probably realise you've been overgeneralising all these while. I'm thankful. I really am. I appreciate the people who keep pushing me, suffer with me, die with me. Loneliness is a friend that I, or perhaps everyone, never want to make. But sometimes the more you avoid it, the more it comes pestering you. And then there comes my bunch of friends who chase it away. :] I know, I really know. There're far too many many friends who have been there when I'm at my lowest point. I have friends who pop up on messenger to ask about my life, friends who text me ...

In the pursuit of happiness, we're hurt, we're miserable, we fall, we cry. Ironic? In order to be happy, we can be so selfish that we sacrifice others' happiness. Or, we can sacrifice our very own happiness and still say we're happy. Ironic again? While we roam the world to look for happiness, we go through hell, we get ourselves bruised and battered. But then again, without the hell-like torment that teaches us how to spell perseverance, without the tears that make us see things clearer, without the falls that give us the strength to pick ourselves up, will we still be able to enjoy happiness? Without a contrast between the good and the bad, will we know the taste of the good? What exactly does it take to be happy?

It's the end. The end of my hopes. The end of my beliefs. It's been tortuous to trust and have faith, and I reckon it'll be another round of torment if I ever trust and have faith again. I'm out, really. I'm fearful. This game is a scaremonger. Maybe we weren't anyone to say that it's unfair. In the first place no one set the rules. No one did set any parameters. It was free style. It was intuitional. It was by instincts, by feelings. We should all expect the ending to be either a win-win, win-lose, or lose-lose situation. Did we just not expect the ending to come this fast? It was all a matter of time, right? Dear friend, I know this is killing you. I have to say it's killing me too. I know you feel lost. I feel lost too. I don't know what's the right thing to say or do. I want to think up something to help but I've run out of ideas. Or perhaps I wasn't even supposed to interfere. I'm upset seeing you this miserable and I want to see...

It still happened.

My moods of late have very much been like a rollercoaster ride, though, most of the time I'm on the low, hardly reaching the top. The happiest day of the past 1 month perhaps, was yesterday. And it only lasted 5 hours? Or less. And then today, heavy flow was here to make me feel even worse. I helped my mum buy eggs and the container actually cut my leg. I want to upload the pictures taken today but the com isn't cooperating. I just got my pay and now I'm heavily indebted to Angie. Mid autumn was a total bore. If not for Joel and Darren I wouldn't have gone back to help. And turned out my dear boss JOEL TAN didn't turn up. Well that is fine because I enjoyed meeting up with my ladies(Jia Hui Mel Sheena SiNi) still. Was glad to see Teresa again after so long, Chris himself too. Even Kian Wee and Wei Sheng. Mrs Tey came back just to show me her baby. Joshua is superly cute. I got Fish's signature(quite reluctantly) at $25. Ouch. Last and the most significant point,...

I think my earlier mood swings were finally accounted for, once again. I'm really sorry to those I've flared up at the past few days, or even weeks. Sometimes I just can't help it, and I really hate myself for that. Cramps are such a killer. Day out with Melissa and lunch at pizza hut. Ouch, there goes my 8bucks. Results are all back and I wouldn't say I'm satisfied or disappointed. Feeling neutral about it because some met expectations while some didn't. GP - S GSC - A Math - A CSC - A CLL - C Finally an A for Math after so much struggle since J1. But CLL was quite a blow yet again. I FAILED GP. Yes I went around saying that in school today. Everyone was probably dreading it hearing me repeat my failure non-stop.

I failed lit. Can you believe it? I can, amazingly. I need a 94 upon 100 for paper 1 in order to hit A. So in other words, this target has become 'mission impossible' for now. No more A for CLL. B is out of the question too actually. So let's hope I don't get anything lower than C. Gosh, for the first time I'm getting a grade lower than B for CLL? And for the first time, I didn't throw my tantrums for failing an exam. Good improvement, right? Shucks. I always thought GP will be the only subject that makes my result slip awful. Today I am more than just certain that CLL will let me down too. I can't deny I'm utterly disappointed with myself. But I've also promised myself that no matter how badly I do, I'm going to take it and stay optimistic. It's prelims. It's prelims. The big A's -- my ultimate goal. The big A's. The big A's. Haaaaaleeiiiiluuuuyaaaaa. 谢谢你们那恳切的眼神，给予我的心灵抚慰和鼓舞。

Some people can just speak without sparing a thought for others' feelings. Maybe I've always inflicted such pain on others, and that's why I'm getting it back in return now.

I swear I hate it. My insomnia is getting far too serious. I haven't slept a wink from the moment I went to bed (11p.m) till I finally got so irritated and got out of bed at 5.15 a.m. this morning. This problem is increasingly bothering me yet I don't know how to counter it. Well anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHIRLEEN. :D 5th year I'm wishing you and like I always say every year, I hope this goes on and on. :)

Dinner at Botak Jones with Shirleen, Kexian, Xiu Ying, Shirley, Darren and Yelay in conjunction with Shirleen's birthday. Decided to try something new, rather, something which I never really liked -- fish and chips. Turned out nice and very much to my liking. Sorry ah zai, supposed to celebrate your birthday but didn't join you guys. Met up with sk. Short chat, but I haven't seen him since 18 January so it's a very precious catch up. And after meeting him, I know he's still the bestie I can call my very own. I hate how things are so vulnerable, including myself. We always want to express ourselves but what we lack isn't courage to do so, but a way we think is right and appropriate. But somehow nothing will ever seem right and appropriate because we never seem to be rational. Emotions always have to take the better of us. Before you tell me you're a rational person, think again.

I'm sorry. I have to change back to this skin. Because my world just isn't colourful. No matter how I try, I see nothing but black and white. Colourful isn't me. I have been very unhappy. So unhappy that like what my mum says to me, I'm going to be a very lonely person because of my attitude. Yes, maybe. I have an atrocious attitude that almost nobody can put up with. A levels are like 50+ days or less away from now and I'm still slacking away. So, so, so slack. Everyone says, " Wa biang your results so good you scared cannot get into uni meh ?" HELLO! DO I NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE SCARED? Yet, I don't even put my words into action even if I say I'm scared. A levels and O levels are worlds apart, totally different, does anyone understand that?! I can get through O's does not mean I can do the same for A's! I'm so afraid of retaining! So afraid of not being able to survive A's! I haven't been going to the library that often no...

How sure are you about your ambition? Or do you even have one? Are you ready to go towards it and regard it as a lifelong goal? I never really knew what I wanted and I still don't know what I want. All I know now is that I'm making my first step to something I thought I'll probably be interested in. 自己不帮自己，还有谁救得了你？

Day out with 老婆！ Had breakfast at Clementi food centre. :) The rain was quite a spoiler. Fortunately we were so smart to have brought umbrellas. :D Headed to National lib to help her find resources for CSC IS. We spent quite a long time at the reference area. While she looked for her books, I roamed around and read up on random stuff! Read up on 武则天 and it really interests me a lot! :D The books at the reference area are so super big and heavy. They can really kill! Not to forget, we rewarded ourselves with sinful luxuries! :) :D =xx Seoul chicken and chicken sausage! Super ex! But super nice! The sausage looks like a big fat worm here, doesn't it? But I tell you, looks are deceiving!! Give it a try and you know. BUT, it's super unhealthy and fattening. So, have it once a year it will be ok. :D Haven't seen 老婆 for 7 months! Missed her so much! :)

Having finished my hols assignment(Math papers), I feel so super slack. Totally no mood to do CSC IS, though it's really the most urgent assignment now. It's the September holidays but seemingly no one is online everyday. It really makes me wonder if everyone's studying during the hols, excluding those who are preparing for their upcoming prelims. It's like a very lonely holiday for me. And a very, very fattening one too. Everyday's about eating, sleeping, eating, sleeping. I want to go swimming but the sky always threatens to pour. I can't wait for the 'training' Angie is planning after the big A's. Have the sudden urge to go kbox with LCfamily, even though I'm against this idea most of the time. As much as I know that I'm going to be okay after hell is over, I'm still afraid to face failure. The pain and tortuous misery that failure brings, I can't stand them. I've always preferred to run away, but tell me, why is it wrong? When...

DEAR MAX, THIS LINE IS SPECIALLY DEDICATED TO YOU: NO WORRIES, I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH TO HAVE DISPUTES WITH YOU, OR ANY OHANA MEMBER. :D OHANA means LCfamily (: says (12:22 AM): "Ohana means family. Family means that no one will be left behind." Have had a great time with LCfamily those couple of days and I'm really glad to have you people around to give me support all the time. Thanks for singing 梦醒时分 to me because 我真的梦醒了. 你说你爱了不该爱的人 你的心中满是伤痕 你说你犯了不该犯的错 心中满是悔恨 你说你 尝尽了生活的苦 找不到可以相信的人 你说你感到万分沮丧 甚至开始怀疑人生 早知道伤心总是难免的 你又何苦一往情深 因为爱情总是难舍难分 何必在意那一点点温存 要知道伤心总是难免的 在每一个梦醒时分 有些事情你现在不必问 有些人你永远不必等 So wonderful, so sweet. I LOVE OHANA. I LOVE LCFAMILY. :)