past.

My mum offered to drive me back to school after fetching my sis from school and so we made our way down to Toa Payoh after dinner. We were chatting about some issues and then my mum got distracted so she went the wrong way and tada, two direction-idiots got lost on KPE. My mum, as usual, panicked so much that I think she was on the brink of tears, while I, on the other hand, kept telling her to calm down and go straight although I was also extremely anxious. After all, I only know the way to Changi Airport and apparently there was no U-turn anywhere near. And so my mum kept harping on "Dead meat" and I kept calming her down and we nearly reached Changi Airport when finally the sign "Tuas (PIE)" surfaced. My sis waited for too long so I asked her to make her way back home herself. Then, we passed by my sister's school on the way back and my mum's eyes were glued to the school because she was trying to find out which route was the one she should have taken pre...

1. I am a very insecure person, I need to be constantly assured. 2. I have not gone to Titanic artifacts exhibition and am still waiting for Max to be free. 3. I just want to slack but I cannot afford anymore. 4. How can anyone who has cared so much suddenly abandon you?  5. I promise I am not going to try anymore. 6. I want to accomplish many things but I know I cannot fulfil any at the rate I am going now. 7. I decided I have to make some sacrifices. 8. I hope I find my strength back tomorrow. 9. I am craving for Yakun milk tea. 10. The time is now, JIAYOU GL.

This CNY, I realised many things. I realised I have always envied families who go out as a whole for CNY visiting, or those who invite many relatives and friends over. I realised I am very afraid of the coming of CNY because CNY simply means watching movies and slacking at home for me. I love to watch movies, there is no doubt about that. Perhaps I just don't appreciate the latter because there is so much to face head-on. I hate the silence or otherwise awful hurlings at the dining table. I hate how I need to pretend to be hospitable to people I dislike. This year, I hid in my room when people I did not feel comfortable with came, then I was accused of being stubborn and impolite. Sometimes I really wonder if being myself is of imperative or being polite is. Whichever the case, I want to confess that I really feel tired and unhappy this CNY. The worst is that I feel that no one can understand because everyone I tried to rant this to tells me I should go home because it is CNY after...

其實我真的很累。

http://youtu.be/_rjCUHOWVms 詞：萧亚轩 曲：Per Eklund、Svante Halldin、Emilh Tigerlantz、Viktoria Sandstr?m 回忆上了发条 总准时报到 我让日夜颠倒 因为黑夜太难熬 总以为哭过就好 梦和现实对调 穿越了诚实的喧闹 心跳却感应不到 夜太深 心跳呢 已经 遗失了 不见了 爱上你 心跳呢 慢慢 停止了 不爱了 你紧紧拥抱我入睡 曾经是永恒的画面 心痛着 你的爱 残酷的纪念 散落一地拥抱 像是在宣告 不等答案揭晓 我选择潇洒走掉 把家重新打扫 用香水味盖掉 但寂寞像是一场海啸 心跳被吞噬掉 你的爱已停止心跳 急救也无效 越爱越想逃跑 自由是你唯一想要 Say goodbye 就算快乐再也找不到 就算永远变成了玩笑 我努力 找到我 遺失的心跳 This song is stuck in my head.

Fell for him after finishing "The Other Truth" serial last week! His role is totally my ideal boyfriend!!!

跟一個愛你的人分手，去成就你和你愛的人，真的就會快樂嗎？會不會兩個人在一起之後，發現過去曖昧的時候最快樂，最沒的比較？誰知道？拭目以待。 Anyway, I would like to remind myself that some people are not worth it and so I should really learn to get over them. I can't help but feel disappointed, yet I know I should just get a life and move on.

我很不爽。我讨厌被逼做我不喜欢的事。我讨厌大人。他们很烦，很矛盾，很不要脸。

原來生活中終究是有令人不開心的事。樂觀也好，悲觀也好，總是有些事會令人不開心。只是如果樂觀，日子會比較好過。我說這些，不是因爲有什麽不開心的事發生，只因爲想起過去而有的一些感觸。但不管過去多麽難忘，多麽不愉快，至少我知道現在只要一想起一些些小小的事情，我就會笑。不需要是大笑，而是發自内心的，會心地笑。以前總是有些害怕寂寞，但越大越覺得自己其實有點愛上了孤單。聽到自己的思緒在説話，有時候也許可以更了解自己在想什麽，認識自己到底是個什麽人。 不要以爲我今天神經病，也許只是太悶了。 如果你不懂我寫什麽，只因爲你不是我。

我越来越喜欢这首歌，也非常非常期待这部电影。 http://youtu.be/-McM4cyZZ3g 曲：羅大佑 詞：林夕 SoSoSoSo DoReMiSo 誰去數這歌裡有多少欠缺多少未了的遺憾 LaLaLaLa 留下心願未圓 完成後也恐死不了心 SoSoSoSo 愛過的人 回答我不忍結束不知結果不敢說穿的疑問 LaLaLaLa 留下空白未填 疑惑或會比深山更深 感激今天 我的戀人 提示我得到過的主演過的精彩美滿的遺憾 Lalalala 留下空白未填 才能讓你心走得這樣近 留下那MiReDoReMiReDoRe戀歌輓歌都能合襯 想怎麼寫 只看我心 缺憾留下了一角未填補的新生 MiReDoRe代表熱吻 感激今天 我的戀人 提示我得到過的主演過的精彩美滿的遺憾 LaLaLaLa 留下心願未圓 完成後也許等於再生 SoSoSoSo DoReMiSo SoDoReMiReDoReMiReDoReMiSoLa Lalalala 留下空白未填 才能讓你心走得這樣近

Have begun to get used to hall life and I really do appreciate that little space of mine. Ironically, it is that enclosed area that seems to set me free. It is slowly integrating into my life such that I sometimes do forget that I actually have a home to go back to. Even if I go back, it will be for my youngest sis whom I miss the most. And then Eric, PT and Shang treated me to Bruce Lee Cafe last night while Ohana treated me to Swensens today as a belated gift. Thank you very much for the treats people. "When two people are together, they are very happy. And when someone takes away the happiness, whether or not it is the one who gives the happiness, the receiving party will be angry for his or her happiness has been taken away. And if the giver is the one who takes it away, the receiver will also be angry with the giver." I did not mean to end this on a heavy note but hearing Zhuang say this just now really made me feel a tinge of sadness.

Seriously, I must be nuts. 有点骨气好不好？

I tried to think that you are worth it, but your actions tell me you are not.

为什么你每次都要这样.

I am quite happy today because I managed to raise quite a sum of money for graduation magazine. Am thankful that there are indeed still people who remember the help that I have once rendered. Not that I ask for anything back in return for helping in the first place. But I think it is fairer this way, and I am not a saint to begin with. I am less angsty now. Hmmm.

非常不喜欢这种感觉。

If you do not deserve respect, I will not give it to you. I do not really care whether you are a public figure, from whichever political party, whatsoever. That is that.

到底什么时候才会快乐？

My mobile vibrated. "Hello." "Hello. 2 days ago was your birthday right?" "Yup." "See, I remember." "Oh yeah right you remembered." "(laughs) Ok I just want to say happy belated birthday." "Thank you." "Has school started?" "Yup. A week ago." "Ok. Take care and study hard. See you soon." "Yup. Take care." "Bye." "Bye." A call received on a Saturday evening, from whom used to be a very good friend but now seemingly feels like a total (ok maybe not total) stranger. See what I mean? Things change. Because he never forgets but this year he forgot. Sometimes what is the point of saying you remember a person's birthday when you do not remember on that day itself? Nevertheless, I appreciate the effort in making the call.

Calm down, GL. Calm down...

有些东西变了质，很可能会贬值。 有些东西如果保持真挚，也许有机会增值。 友情也不过如此。 我不知道我们的友情这么没有价值，更不知道我还真有利用价值。 我却还是那么固执。 But anyway, 我也意识到了我其实有很多不离不弃的朋友。 感恩 =)

Morning Opened the door and discovered a bag hung on my door -- present from Yanli. Afternoon Grad mag meeting and late lunch with friends. Took MRT with bf. Night Visited mum. Took a bus that passed by that bus stop.. Supper with friends. What can I say? On a day like this, I ought to be grateful to those who have remembered me. Ohana, Mel, Rahil, Mic, Salih, Jiayi, Yongen, Valane, Yan Hong, Wei Xin, Yu Han, Lanhua, Nelson, Ben, Tinghui, both Esthers, YiRong, Chewchew, Pee, Wen Jie, Lily, Janvin, Yanli, Ying Hao, Yan Ru, Tay Huimin, Yiting, Pei Ting, Eric, Sheng Kai. And of course, my mum! (Frankly, this is the first time I have received so few SMSes but I am secretly happy about it because I know that those who remembered are those who keep me in mind!) Thank you, the people who have wished me, the people who have showered me with gifts and cards, the people who have had a simple lunch or dinner with me, probably without even knowing anything. But actually it was all I ever asked...

Yup, and the time is now =)

Had a great time with Nelson Ong today. And I finally got a room of my own!

Felt physically and emotionally unwell the whole day, to the extent I almost broke down in tears after the last lecture. Thank goodness I managed to pull through with the company of great friends. On my way home from tuition class, I told myself to think about happy thoughts. Then I thought about Linli laoshi who remembered my full name today. I guess that is something worth celebrating =) Jiayou, GL!

I still find my holidays not constructive enough but at least I have managed to accomplish a few on my to-do list: 2 movies, 2 storybooks, Sentosa, Clarke Quay, work, Christmas cards, meet up with people. I guess going to school at this time is best because I kind of had enough of staying at home with nothing to do. Am in fact looking forward to busy school life and working hard with my fellow friends. Dear friends, thank you for making my holidays so fun-filled and enjoyable. Those who are in NUS, see you around! Those who are not, till we meet again! Enjoy this semester, folks! =)

Mrs. Chua, who has never taught me before, treated me to Korean food at Kim Family restaurant today. The food she ordered were all my favourite and I think the food on our table added up to nearly 60 or 70 bucks (she refused to let me see the receipt). Then I began to think about how my love for Korean food grew-- Mic, YiRong and Yanli. So anyway, my point is that over lunch today, Mrs. Chua told me many things. She said I am a loyal friend. She asked me to protect myself because I am always being made use of by people. She said I am easily affected by how people think and say. She asked me to treat all these as noises in life and simply ignore them. She said no one can control how others think so try not to bother. She said I should go for an honours to repay my mother. She said I ought to focus on my studies especially this semester. And I usually listen to whatever she says. After lunch, she treated me to Udders. She always hears me rant, even though she is like 20 plus years ol...

http://youtu.be/-4UgqhaRTuY I want to watch the old film 百分百感觉 (featuring Ekin Cheng, Gigi Leung and Sammi Cheng) before school starts. Can someone tell me where to watch it please?!

Constantly reminding myself the resolution I made for the year.

I think I have met many friends that I previously wanted to catch up with during this holidays. Then again there are always those I have yet to see, I guess I ought to be blamed for that because I failed to manage my time properly. And to Nelson Ong, I hope you are feeling better today. Mic, take care! Recover from your flu soon! Less than 3 days to start of school. I am and yet not looking forward. Oh well.

When I saw the place (that we visited when we went Sentosa together for the first time) beautifully decorated with cards, the first thing that came to my mind was, "Shucks. This place is occupied today. Where can we go?" Then I saw Yanxing squatting behind the pillar and that scene really amused me so much that I feel like laughing now as I think back. And YiRong moved away from the mat, showing me the two Doraemon soft toys (borrowed from Yanxing's precious collection) and a very beautiful candle. Then I knew, okay this is part of the plan. My next question was, "So Wen Jie is really going to be late?" Then she jumped out with a box of sushi made by Lanhua. Ahh. Suddenly it struck me that that was exactly how it felt like to be pleasantly surprised. Really, I think I don't know how to express myself well, but I feel so loved and blessed today. The sushi Lanhua prepared, the things Lily and Tinghui brought to decorate, the Doraemon cards and present Mic pick...

I guess everyone wants to be heard. But not everyone likes to share because they are afraid of being condemned, even by friends. And then I realised that whether I do something or do not, I am condemned anyway. Yes, I did not go today. Not because I cannot let go, not that I cannot move on. I just did not see the need, because clearly, we are not friends and will not be anymore. Things came up and things have changed. All I can conclude for the day is that nobody is in my shoes and will not be able to know what I used to go through. I was merely following what my heart told me. Let this be the last time I am mentioning this. Cheers to a wonderful January =)

词：易齐 曲：郭文贤 现在也只能欣赏 唯一的合照一张 淡忘了的是那个街角 想念的是当时的微笑   生活中交错失望 越想念就越孤单 若再被寂寞迎头赶上 多感伤原来只是正常   你是不是也在品尝 一个人的咖啡和天光 是不是也忽然察觉到 多出时间看天色的变换 如果有一天我们再见面 时间会不会倒退一点 也许我们都忽略 互相伤害之外的感觉 如果哪一天我们都发现 好聚好散不过是种遮掩 如果我们没发现 就给彼此多一点时间 —— 梁静茹 《如果有一天》

一月三日。阴？ 纠缠了这么久，没有必要继续下去。 对于今天我是有很多幻想的。 我打算带隐形眼镜，让自己看起来有些不一样。 我打算少吃一点，注意一下自己的形象。 我还打算叫块冰淇淋蛋糕，当作是他第一次为我庆祝生日。 但当时间慢慢逼近，我越来越不明白自己的想法。 为什么要带隐形眼镜让自己看起来不同？太不自然了吧。 为什么要少吃？我根本就是个大吃，这是事实。 为什么要叫冰淇淋蛋糕？我确实很喜欢吃冰淇淋蛋糕，但我最讨厌生日吃蛋糕。 干嘛要做一个不是自己的自己？ 现在再想想之前的想法，觉得自己很幼稚，简直可笑。 不想再让自己不知道自己在做什么，所以还是选择了‘眼不见为净’。 也许无可否认，你的位置是无可取代的。 但我相信我还是会一样快乐 =)