past.

almost died in the morning. of starvation. because i ate my first meal of the day at 3.30 p.m . of pain. because of cramps + gastric . haha. i never tried listening to the radio for so long! haha. indeed. i didn't stop listening today. 10 hours! perfect ten top100 countdown and yes933 top100 countdown . sorry, i chose perfect ten . =xx because i anticipated THE REASON too much. =/ but, my anticipation was in vain. LOL. these are hits i used to love or those i still love. #99 - BLUE! only words i know. #60 - BACKSTREET BOYS. incomplete. #43 - eminem. just lose it. #39 - KELLY CLARKSON! since you been gone. #36 - KELLY CLARKSON! behind these hazel eyes. #34 - usher caught up. #30 - brian mcfadden & delta goodrem. ALMOST HERE. #28 - lifehouse. you and me. #27 - maroon 5. sunday morning. #24 - ryan cabrera. true. #19 - alicia keys. karma. #17 - rob thomas. lonely no more. #09 - KELLY CLARKSON! BECAUSE OF YOU! #08 - MARIAH CAREY! WE BELONG TOGETHER! #05 - SIMPLE PLAN! untitled. ...

water blurring my vision. i need someone to embrace so badly.

my heading says it. whatever that happens, you are always not there.

we share the same surname. but receive different treatment? do they think it's fair? well, if they think it is. then to me, it has NEVER been so. why can she get away with a bloody stupid excuse and whatever i say, no one believes me? because i'm born a liar ? i am? then why do i lie? for goodness, i don't lie for the sake of lying. tears are on the verge of flowing but nope, i won't let them flow. english assignment - 12 compositions. out of the 12, i don't know how many but definitely more than 6, are just A PACK OF LIES. why? simply because i painted a beautiful picture in every piece of work. people who don't know anything will probably think i have a wonderful family with loving parents. people who know something will probably think i'm desperate for familial warmth. i never liked to say, "no one understands how i feel.". because i know somewhere out there, there's bound to be a bunch of great friends who understand it. but who can get m...

okay, i have not done much homework today! this is bad! very bad! hmmmmmm. anyway, i have great stuff to show off! (: nice isn't it?! awww. i just love them! (: and, there are more novday 's pictures in my friendster! (: my shoutout to SHIRLEEN ! QUEK ZAI! thanksssssssssss for the dedication! love ya man! awww. so gandong! hahah. i tried thrice before but i failed leh!!! not fair de. but i'm going to try again when the new month of my bill starts!! now, must be happy okay? your post saddens me. ): SMILE! =D and when you're happy, you can BREATHE EASY ! take care! (: i need to chiongggggggg.

i have no answers to the heading up there. lol. it is always interesting to browse through people's blogs when it comes to the end of holidays. amusing indeed. because everyone will be grumbling about undone homework and insufficient time to do certain things. i ain't an exception! hee. =xx my holidays assignments started to pile up even before school ended. but the load hasn't decreased much so far. it's still over my head. haha. and well, 28/12 already. school's starting in like 5 days ? wow, amazing. that's less than a week. want to wake up early in the morning to clear my work. but as usual, i sleep like a dead log during the holidays. this morning especially, almost debilitated. splitting headache. okay, i have more to post in days to come. probably the last day of december. shall catch up with my never -decreasing homework for now. i'll be back. i'm sick, of homework; nailoug` i know i was wrong to say we'd be better off alone.

yet another boring day. and i just rotted it away. had a video conversation with jinyi . he has a girlfriend now! haha. but looks still the same. =/ okay, just got blasted at again a minute ago. fCuk it. lousy day. i'm pissed; nailoug` this time i won't disguise. then we can build our lives and be as one.

some people love christmas. i love it too. i mean, i loved it too. 24/12/2003 - reunion. - logcakes. - turkey. - presents. - laughter. 24/12/2004 - steamboat. 24/12/2005 i don't know what to say. i spent my whole day in front of the teevee. what a wonderful christmas. by the way, i never quite believed in santa . i'm bored to tears; nailoug` the memories we had were not enough. the only thing i could do is to live without your love.

for some reasons, i always hate christmas. whatever it is, i have christmas resolutions still. 1. motivated to buck up next year. 2. an outing with whole family. 3. friends to remain as they are. 4. mrs joyce tan to continue being our classparent. 5. see duncan in person. =/ and yup, my msgs will be increasing again later. yea, i meant those that i sent out. hahah. received only 2 christmas cards this year. haha. from jiahui and jiemin . how sweet. (: now, words to drop for people. rahil; you should be back by tomorrow? i won't be able to go out with you already. but i am looking forward to our outing next year. we MUST go out okay? and, one of the things i love about sec4 is that your bf is not in ctss anymore. that gives us more time together during recess. looking forward to recesses already. miss ya. take care and smile loads. (: novday. jiahui; thanks loads and tonnes for the card. i love the message you wrote inside, totally. let me tell you something that has been in...

went sentoing today! novday a.k.a gu's ! wahahah. celebrated YINGHAO 's birthday! (: went crazy at the beach. =xx yellow float. swimming. sand-digging. burying. pictures! i love the tower truckloads! GREAT. we had a lovely chat up there. awww. went to ps after that. neos! they gotta be the nicest among those i have taken. (: dinnered at bk. caught so much attention with jiahui banging on the wall and the camera dropping on the tray. =/ whatever, had loads of fun today! (: MATRIX! hope you loved your day! cheerios! you know, your mood affects mine! so smile loads! (: HAPPY BIRTHDAY in advance! (: i'm so happy; nailoug` i love the shore. because whatever secrets i write on it, the waves will eventually wash them away. it won't even tell you there's a girl who's always crying for you.

banner, banner, banner. i'm going nuts. burnt my fingers with the thinner. i hate thinner! ugh. and dirtied my nails. grrr. my toes too! like paint all over my body. i'm almost an ARTPIECE . lol. went to wm with jiahui and tecky . oh my god. that yellow smiley so rocks. i'm melting at the sight of it. took the long bus home. want to puke le. bleahs. =/ but i took the bus in the other direction. so no chance of ...... HAHAH. saw his friendster. gawd. he's still so attractive . =xx okay, i'm not having lustful thoughts. =p thought so much, i have concluded. absence makes the heart grow fonder, it gotta be true. i'm sticky; nailoug`

BOREDOM KILLS. i hate sad endings. ugh, i just hate them. siti rahil, return home quick. missing you already. oh man. i really hate it sometimes. i'm the bad guy, like always. i know you'd return to my embrace. i'm speechless; nailoug`

met up with my girlfriends after miss choa 's wedding. we went library. but as usual, WAGGING OUR TONGUES . keke. talked so much and laughed so much. people must be thinking we crazy de. hahah. =xxx we must be so bloody sian that we actually took one around in the ntuc. discussing which brand of cup noodles taste best. HAHAH. then walked past all the shops. TOTAL BOREDOM! and then, shared a bowl of meesiam. like 3 beggars fighting for food! hahah. =xx but, they made my day. (: sms-ed so much today. =xx my bills are coming tomorrow. going to be BLASTED at again. LOL. i don't know since when, i have the urge to take 173 home every now and then. especially after 7. hee. =p shall be off to bed now. MATRIX, YOU BETTER GET SOMETHING BACK FOR ME. a bus journey home without you is too lonely. (: i'm on high, like tecky; nailoug` "You cannot be a leader, and ask other people to follow you, unless you know how to follow, too." -Sam Rayburn

back from my NAP . LOL. 11.30 a.m - 4.40 p.m. HOW GREAT. hahah. tomorrow still need to go miss choa 's wedding. really reluctant. =xx thank god i didn't go to semakau island with my fellow girls. or i'll be dead. lol. =/ but i did miss a few good stuffs. yawns. well anyway, i do hope after tomorrow, i will stop being in my HOLIDAY MOOD . i hope i have the vibrance, the energy, the drive to PIA ALL MY HOLIDAY ASSIGNMENTS . =xx i'm brokeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. but SOMEONE 's birthday coming up soon. HAI. must give belated le. YOU WON'T MIND HOR? HAHA. even if you can't give me all your love, it's okay. i'll feel blessed when you're happy. i'm waiting; nailoug` "To get others to come into our ways of thinking, we must go over to theirs; and it is necessary to follow, in order to lead." -William Hazlitt

time check, 10.00 a.m. early? late? well either or, i JUST REACHED HOME . haha. out the whole day yesterday then didn't come back. =xxx class gathering. DUH. wasn't really looking forward at first. but after all it was quite successful. presents exchanging part - COOL . i got my dear li-li 's present. so zun right?! ADIDAS WALLET. so rocks. (: and then ........ one by one everyone is being thrown into the pool. i said i didn't bring extra clothes although i did. keke. anyway, smartie me ran all the way to mrt station. how toopid. =xx hahaha. then met mic there to get ready to siam already. toopider thing is, we went back and then blah blah blah. they got changed already so i'm safe. hee. stayed over at my ouxiang 's house! keke. =D that included jiahui , limin , huiling , tecky , jrong , zhuangwei , pinpin , mic , shaun , yiming and me. funneh siarh. time really passed so quickly when we were there. we were so SIAN trying to kill time by doing loads of th...

IF i had known earlier, i wouldn't want to shoulder this responsibility. but it's apparently crap , that i'm saying this now. because it's not like i can turn back time. well anyway, it's the first time i felt un-excited about a class gathering on the eve of it. what more could i say? imagine a girl whose mother said those words to her. what is the kind of reaction she should have? her mother is a humorous one in front of everyone. but to her, ha. you're the only person i want to love. i'm fucked up; nailoug` "Our hopes, often though they deceive us, lead us pleasantly along the path of life. " -Francois de La Rochefoucauld

had a LOVELY morning. (: we chatted! the whole morning till like noon? this is totally ohhh myyy goddd. jiahui , sheena and sini came to do the ppt. we were a lil crazy here and there, AS USUAL. hahah. well, all was about EATING. i was so bloated. =xx i'm so dead! piles of homework waiting for me and i am still SLACKING . ugh. i'm sinful . ought to be punished. =/ msn isn't working and this is sickening. well, forget it. i shall be off then. RAHIL, I AM HERE. your feelings are so true. (: i'm on high, again; nailoug` "A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." -Bernard Meltzer

I'M JUSTICE BAO ON THIS DAY. i have a really BLACK face now. but i'm not as bad as the rest of my fellow girls. i'm like the only one in the best condition - no big change of skin colour! LOL. went sentoing today, because of the farewell party. it was overall cool . well i shall not touch on it too much, since my eyes are already struggling to open. no one ever touched my heart like how you did. i'm on high; nailoug` "There is an important difference between love and friendship. While the former delights in extremes and opposites, the latter demands equality." -Francoise D'Aubegne Maintenon

OFFICIAL PROMOTION YESTERDAY. got my TWO WHITE STRIPES . =D well, a sad case that my zenia wasn't promoted. but i promise she will be my ps if no patrol wants her. (: yesterday was like the first time my mum ever brought me to a shopping mall to shop. LOL. but i'd rather she not take me there anymore. i went with her, my sisters, xiaoni and aunt. i was like WHAT THE HELL. they were like typical taitais . nagging at the slightest thing and blah blah blah. don't wish to elaborate since it's circulating about the same old things. got presents for the seniors already. but, I HAVE TWO BUCKS LEFT IN MY WALLET NOW. ugh. bth. okay, i'm pissed i'm pissed and i'm pissed. "Never Explain - your Friends do not need it and your Enemies will not believe you anyway. " -Elbert Hubbard

ohhh myyy goddd!!! I WAS ON THE SAME BUS AS HIM!!! MADNESS. he's like sooo ATTRACTIVE ?! i can't help looking at his reflection in the window pane!!! DUH! can't look straight in his face ma! he was so near me! gosh. he's not only hot. he's not only cool either. HE'S BOTH!!! goodness. i have got too carried away. =xxx cleaned the guide room with my fellow girls the whole day! MARVELLOUS JOB. =D tiring of course! my finger's like rotting now. LOL. guides meeting tomorrow! well, i'm so gonna get lectured again. OUT EVERYDAY. but like i say, not as if i wanted that to happen. i'm so in love; nailoug` "The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

it's not as if i want to go to school everyday. it's not as if i want to miss the family outing. it's not as if i want to get loads of pocket money everyday. it's not as if i want to hang around outside all the time. IT'S NOT AS IF I AM NOT TIRED! but you told me, I HAVE GONE OVERBOARD . and when i suffer from terrible backache that causes my insomnia, who knows that? look at clement 's blog. see the tag? well i'm not so curious to know who that person is. rather, i somehow think that person's right. I SUCK. how true. hated by majority; because i have a horrid attitude. hateme; nailoug` "Failures are divided into two classes--those who thought and never did, and those who did and never thought." -John Charles Salak i'm not neither, not either. i'm BOTH . thought and never did , as well as did and never thought . i'm better off dead.

know what? menstruation sucks, TOTALLY. i can be so temperamental for the next few days. pardon me. LOL. i need sleep . at least 12 hours of it. loveme; nailoug` "Money can't buy happiness; it can, however, rent it." -Anonymous

thoughts of the day . 1. i hurt my leg! 2. not sure if it's a sprain. 3. can hardly walk now, damn it. 4. saw many familiar faces today! 5. yixuan , miss wu and kaili in orange as usual. 6. went jp with jiahui and saw MR LAU . 7. HE WAS LIKE A GHOST . 8. jiahui screamed and i got a big shock. 9. and i screamed too. =xxx 10. my sis went gaga over the ONE-DOLLAR bottle i bought for her. 11. cheesy hotdog is nice. yummies. =p 12. i feel a BIG hole in my pocket. =xx 13. i miss BLUE . ): 14. baby tigger is CUTE! loveme; nailoug` tecky: TAKE CARE! don't talk too much! hahah! you will have your fill at the barbecue! haha! =xxx "Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome." Isaac Asimov

what kind of f-ing dinner is that? rice grains hard like stones. got hair some more?! and don't know what blue substance is inside. cold rice i can eat. i can try eating at least. the soup was hot. like THANK GOD. but the ingredients inside have turned bad. are we that poor? i was supposed to be happy. rather, i wanted to be. but i feel like a pig. eating leftovers, that is. covered you with diamonds, gave you summer in the sun. loveme; nailoug` "Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars." -Henry Van Dyke

tong xin yuan has ended. i hate the last part. it's crap. it's not true. yesterday my 715 got one of the ten!! DUH! that's guaranteed! (: sheena and i were on the phone arguing whether he will get it! haha! screamed over the phone when his name was called out! so was of course ticked off by sheena ! keke! =xx awww. i'm feeling lustful . ha!! =xxx and can you believe it? i'm singing! pity those glass windows though. dooooodooooodooooo. objection overruled. through these eyes i've seen a thousand lies. and it's taken years to realise. nothing stays the same. no one is to blame. but i'd do it all again. nailoug` "Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't." -Richard Bach

ugh. this is terrible. my migraine 's acting up again. i need a HEAVY dosage of panadols . i need a massage on my aching BACK. i need 10 PADS to prepare me for the upcoming troublesome days! hong xing da jiang starting soon!! well it was always so boring the past few years. i wonder what is so special about it this year, other than there are so many former staff back. for me, i only bother to look at 715 !!! (((((((= last year i SCREAMED when he didn't get best male lead actor award. this year he's not even in the list. =/ off i go! boooooommmmmmmmmm. nailoug` rahil: okies doks. (: "When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us." -Helen Keller

WOW. it's 1.07 a.m . hmmm. i AM tired. who says i'm not? just got to do some guides stuff and i'm finally done. but doesn't turn out that good? mel is right lor. i can't face seniors anymore. it'll be a bad thing to officially promote me on saturday. this is DISASTROUS . i'm so BROKE . can't be broke-r than this. die die also must resist myself from lunching outside! so, tecky and matrix , bu yao yue wo!! hahah. otherwise we go out then i don't eat! see you all eat! =xx mahjong games going on in my house again. my house's turning into a GAMBLING DEN . WOAH. lol. and that fCuking moron came today. i feel my house is so polluted with his brags and abhorrent voice. over my dead body will i ever acknowledge a loathesome faggort like him. PUI! bleahs. enough said. wasting my muscles' energy to type about him only. doodoodooooo. i shall be off to bed. nailoug` rahil: i'm sorry. i can't bring myself to accept someone who has hurt my b...

went so crazy today. ugh. madness. punished my committee members. like a bit the cruel. =/ and then, no face to face seniors le. with all the bullshit that i have produced. =/ seriously want to stop eating so much. but this task is a little challenging . with the company of matrix and teck y. hahah. begging for a second chance. are you gonna let me in? "People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost." -H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

i love him truckloads! =xx oh man he's sooo cuteee and sooo sweeet!!! he rock0rz man!!! must must must do some work today! otherwise by class gathering lau going to nag le! dooodoooodooooooo. lol! comm meeting is so sian! but bo bian!! ugh. he so b r i g h t e n e d my day today. =D "A dream becomes a goal when action is taken towards its achievement." -Bo Bennett