past.

It seems as if every Wednesday and Thursday (especially Wednesday morning) my gastric is bound to feel very uncomfortable. WHY!!! Am I dying? I feel like a dying person just now on my bed dozing off and waking up and then dozed off again. I feel extremely tempted to read the books my brother got for me from China but nonono, I must resist. All these make me feel a lot better on a day that I feel so sick. 1. JY said "I love you so much gal.". 2. My mum touched my forehead to check for fever and cooked me a bowl of noodles. 3. My classmates offered to help me pick the magazines that were to be used for project. 4. No lesson tomorrow! 5. Nice rainy day for a good sleep. I shall try my very best to study now.

Ohana's first donation drive participation:) I think this is worth commemorating especially since we just celebrated our Ohany Day:) Thank you Ohanies for being such nice people!:) Credits: Zhi

I went to XiaoWei's facebook page just now and when I saw Samuel's comments on her wall, I smiled. Can you believe that?

睡了一下，好像有点顿悟。正如我昨天跟Maxie说的，人有权力犯错，但没有权力一错再错，否则是大错特错。我不会再消沉。我希望自己更努力，我希望自己锁定目标，我希望自己找回斗志，我希望这些都不只是希望，而是用行动来实践。 我想我要做到发愤忘食，乐以忘忧，不知老之将至云尔。 I'll keep trying, because that's what I said I would do from the start. HAPPY BIRTHDAY WATERMELON:)

我对自己很失望.

为什么忽然间有那么多人在鼓励我？这不是我需要的。这不是我。我不可以软弱。我要坚持。眼泪不可以流出来，要忍着。

Life is so full of controversies I don't know what to think anymore. I think I am a lucky person today? Not that the Math paper was a breeze but because my 11:11 wish came true. I must be mad. And because it came true I dare not wish at 11:11 anymore next time. Because I will only become greedier. Because that is human nature (even if you say I'm generalising). The prospects of a wish coming true at 11:11 are scary because it never took place since forever. I'm sorry I think I can't give as much as I did before, anymore. Maybe it's good. Maybe I don't even know what I'm thinking or doing.

1. Attitude 2. Behaviour 3. Character 4. Discipline 5. Strategy 6. Habits 7. Mindset 8. Temper. 9. Environment. 10. Language Fuck off.

I wish people will just REALLY know that I am very sensitive to noises, especially when I'm going to sleep or am asleep. I really hate it.

I feel so scared I'm going to die. Superwoman feels lost. The Queen feels like she's going to be dethroned.

I wanted to make this a list but it seems like I have so much to talk about that a list will become too lengthy. So many happy things worth mentioning today. Early this morning I knew about Longan's boyfriend proposing to her and she has agreed. I'm really happy for her:) I was actually in a lousy mood this afternoon with all the bad thoughts coming to distract me, but fortunately for me they didn't quite last. We had a make-up Ohana Day at Maxie's. The vegetarian-themed steamboat went smoothly even though we had a lot of leftovers to da bao home after that. Silly Maxie got us a cake as if it was a birthday but I think it was apt because Ohana's 2nd anniversary is as good as a birthday, right? Of course we sang ourselves an Ohana birthday song and made wishes. So cute. Thank you for the gifts Angie and Zhi. I really appreciate a lot a lot you know. The part that amazed me most was whereby the moment I stepped into Maxie's house, I was welcomed with a chalkboard ...

There are still tonnes of things I believe I will never understand. The only person to understand it to change anything is myself, and it's as simple as that. Okay, I will keep trying.

Falling a thousand feet per second, you still take me by surprise I just know we can't be over, I can see it in your eyes Making every kind of silence, takes a lot to realize It's worse to finish than to start all over and never let it lie And as long as I can feel you holding on I won't fall, even if you said I was wrong I'm not perfect, but I keep trying 'Cause that's what I said I would do from the start I'm not alive if I'm lonely, so please don't leave Was it something I said or just my personality? Making every kind of silence, it takes a lot to realize It's worse to finish than to start all over and never let it lie And as long as I can feel you holding on I won't fall, even if you said I wrong When you're caught in a lie and you've got nothing to hide When you've got nowhere to run and you've got nothing inside It tears right through me, you thought that you knew me You thought that you knew I'm not perfect, but I ...

I feel extremely dumb to have wasted this recess week away. I MUST finish my assignment tomorrow before going off to celebrate Ohana Day!! And I'm going to study for Monday's exam at all costs! Frankly, I'm looking forward to tomorrow:) I can feel you've stepped a step further away from me. And I should have known. Things always work this way, right? Bye bye.

I got my darling back! I promise to be niceR to my darling from today onwards. And and and! Thankyou ahchew for accompanying me down that day to send my darling for service! (K) One thing worth remembering today is seeing my long-awaited dangdang time machine toy at KFC. I shyly purchased a chicky meal at $4.60 to get a free toy! I've always wanted a time machine soooooo much! The toy, of course. If you had one, where would you go? Which time of your life? :) I think I want to go back where I was still a 5-year-old girl.  Dang is going to enter the time machine!   Okay! Bye bye!  

Finished watching the documentary The Morning Sun just now and I felt it was quite sad towards the end of it. As much as I am a Chinese whose roots should undeniably originate from China, the history of the Cultural Revolution didn't allow me to comprehend the generation's mindset nor sympathize with people who lost so much in the massive scale revolution. It has, however, no doubt aroused my empathy for the people whose very basic beliefs had been cruelly crushed under the emergence of a new government. Who is, or rather was, the bad guy? In today's perspective, it might just be subjective but unfortunately, it wasn't applicable the same way during that era. I can't get why the people were so full of awe and respect for the chairman but I believe like one of the men in the video mentioned, it is like young people today going after celebrities and feeling excited over a mere handshake with them. My curiosity was to the extent that I wished I was born during that tim...

Here's a new type of list:) 1. Maxie who made the effort to make chocolate strawberries for me and buying me so many good stuff to cheer me on! 2. Sunshine boy who spent $4 on a lantern of my favourite dangdang and bought so many sparkles! 3. Uncle who called me to check if everyone is home:) 4. Angie who treated me to sushi and everything nice last night. 5. Bf who helped me with Math and had to forgo his nap when he only just booked out. 6. Zhi who lent me her SLR without worrying that I will spoil it (even if she worried she didn't express it!). 7. Fel who asked if I was going to school with the intention of asking me for lunch. 8. YC who always tries to give in to me especially of late. 9. Jia Ying who always helps me order things and making sure the best for me. 10. You, who never stops trying to be nice.

I come home feeling empty without my darling around. (In case you are still wondering, I mean my laptop.) HOW SAD! Okay anyway, I spent a kinda slack day at girl's house to borrow her laptop to do work but in actual fact I only managed to accomplish 2/11? I know I do not deserve any pity and so I resolve to finish the video for the assignment tomorrow. MUST! Met sweetie Angie AGAIN in the evening to visit Maxie who was BERRY nice because he gave us BERRY juice and gave me a box of BERRIES and chocolate fondue strawberries and almond nuts and my yummies yummies FERRERO ROCHER (Ohanies I know all of you are jealous but sorry, Maxie loves me the most! =p) THANK YOU MAXIE LOVE YOU SOOOO MUCH! :D And then even after singing like 15 songs on Maxie's KTV, I still managed to go down and meet my climatic friends in time. In fact I was punctual and they were late. We walked a long way to some I-don't-know-where place and started doing all the things you can imagine 4 kids doing. But ...

So blonde Neo came with a packet of sushi and my chrysanthemum tea and Mr. Bean's pancakes. We continued to gorge ourselves with cones (actually just 2) of Cornetto which I bought to reward myself after a long time of not having eaten ice cream. We studied and also watched The Family Court. I really feel sad for AhWU that everyones hates his Leshan role but I guess he's right that actors and actresses like to see audiences' reactions towards their acting. What a breakthrough for him! Had supper with Shirl and Eh Chris! at somewhere nearby. Continued to study with Angie and we (or rather I) had a bad night because she was coughing quite badly. Blonde Neo I tell you, you better start drinking bottles of water when you get home today. NO MORE CHIPS!!! I'm watching you.... So anyway, in the morning we had Mac breakfast and Angie FINALLY invited me to her house wheeeeeeeee. Happening hor? Meeting the climates (Auntie Rainbow, Sunshine boy and Rain) later to celebrate mid-aut...

There is no list today because I kinda ran out of titles but fret not, I will not stop because I think it's a good habit. I was awoken by Starfruit's reply to my text wishing her Happy Birthday, 20 minutes before my alarm was (supposedly) to ring. I got up anyway and packed my stuff because I was going to bid my darling farewell in the afternoon. I painstakingly attempted to finish Lecture 8 webcast and I did. Wanted to get a bottle of liang cha for myself (because I suspect I am falling sick soon) but Chew was dismissed already and I didn't want to make her wait too long so I met her at YIH straight. So I finally bid adieu to my laptop and went to deck with chew for lunch. I saw Coconut after so so so long ohmytian. Intended to go to the library to borrow a book but blonde Neo was supposed to end at 5 instead of 4.30 so I decided to go home after my grocery shopping at Cold Storage. How much I realised I miss Fairprice because the prices are literally FAIRER. Cold Storage ...

1. My favourite buttercake and HL strawberry milk for breakfast :) 2. Watching AhWU's very early drama during breakfast. 3. Finishing Lecture 7 webcast (though I could have finished more :/) 4. Cooking dinner for sis and I even though it turned out to be a flop. 5. Watching 百万大歌星 featuring Sammi!!! 6. Doing some A-Math questions with the help of bf to train my brain. 7. Sharing songs with YY:) 8. Crapping with Ohana girls over MSN. 9. Studying with sis. 10. Feeling good about having really good friends. I stopped watching The Family Court already. They are seriously focusing too much on the good of Xiping (by Tay Ping Hwee) and the bad of Leshan (AhWU). 我实在看不下去了! Thank youuuuu veryyyyy muchhhhhh for all the words that bring me positive energy. Means a lot! HAPPY BIRTHDAY STARFRUIT!

Watching Sammi on 百万大歌星 makes me want to go for her concerttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

I thought you said things would get better should we try? Then are you trying? Although from the beginning I don't see where I'm wrong, I choose to believe that I have to be wrong somewhere. I apologised, not to compensate, but to show you how much I value this friendship. Much as I know this is no hurry, I'm afraid I've lost it already.

1. Dangdang:) 2. Barbecued flavored chips. 3. Notebooks. 4. Colour pens. 5. The things you like. 6. Storybooks. 7. Ohana. 8. Good friends. 9. Friendly smiles. 10. Sleep. HAPPY BIRTHDAY YIWEN AND SZESIAN:) The days just come and go before I can take a breather. Sleep doesn't feel like sleep because it is never enough. Recess week shall not seem like recess week because I urgently need to study at full gear during this one-week break (I hope I achieve that). Mother has flown to brother and I am so going to have to pay for my sister's tuition fees and everything else. Ouch. I always thought that my Doraemon cartoon has ended but who knows it is actually still aired on Channel 8 every Sunday morning 9.30a.m! Why am I so stupid -.-

1. Good friend Hero giving me a morning call! 2. Good friend Sunshine boy texting to say WAKE UP and reminder to buy what I needed to. 3. Good friend Cyclops coming back to catch up with me and asked if I needed any food :D 4. Korean food and super nice dessert with YC. 5. A short meet-up (really very short) with Fel after so so so long. 6. Typing these in the comfort of my bed after a super long day. 7. Great friends who keep coming to me, be it to meet or chat or crap. 8. Just Ohana. Okay let's keep it to 8 because I feel so sick and I can't think properly so better not add for the sake of adding but maintain a quality 8:) YC and I were supposed to be watching a movie now but she has fallen asleep and she always sleeps so well so I think it's too cruel to wake her up just to watch a movie LOL. It's been a veryyyyyyy long day and I'm so tired. Every piece of memory.

1. Friends like Zhi and Angie who are uptight when I said "Let's meet at the void deck". (sorry for the false alarm wahahaha) 2. Friend like Chew who bought me Long John because I requested! 3. Kids like my 4A1 who still remember me and asked me if I'd be going down today so that they could talk to me. 4. Super last-minute brother like mine who asks me to do so many things by tomorrow. 5. Friend like Zhi who will trust me with her SLR. (even my brother doesn't how sad) 6. Impromptu supper with great company like just now. 7. Friend like Cyclops who will text and say "You're not alone" (so Liverpool ohmy). 8. Friend like Sunshine boy who will say "往事随风". 9. The thought of Ohana being my strongest emotional and mental pillar for now. 10. A me who wants to say THANK YOU to all who have supported me especially during this period when I seem extremely motivated when in actual fact I'm at the peril of falling into the danger zone. It is reall...

I think I prefer to be alone, so that I don't have to risk being left alone.

1. A random decision to go to shop and save at 7pm to make The Ohana Crunch. 2. Making the food even though it was till late night. 3. My sis liked the food so much she asked if I could give her all 49 of them. 4. Friends who tried the food liked it and Ohana loves it too (even though Rui and Maxie kept complaining). 5. Ohana girls thanked me so sincerely I felt like crying suddenly. 6. The classmate whom I have always been very scared of said byebye to me today! 7. Seeing Sixuan in school for the first time. 8. Meeting Ohanies today even though there were absentees. 9. It's Thursday! 10. Feeling confident (hardly always happens) about myself today. On a side note, I feel extremely weary today due to the runs that never stopped! Haiyo. It's like the start of everything stupid. And I don't know where it will end.

1. Bad gastric since the start of the day:( 2. Something's wrong with my laptop:(( 3. Don't quite understand today's lesson:( 4. Fear for not being able to do well for mid terms:( 5. Stacks of worksheets on my table:( And then I realised all these things aren't really worth feeling upset over after all.

1. Doraemon earrings from Chew. 2. Lunch with major-mates (even though I didn't eat). 3. Major-mates' help in photocopying readings and never charging even when I insist. 4. Darren's initiative to take over CTSSA soccer event even though we quarrelled. 5. Friends' concern when I seem down. 6. Mum calling me to ask if I need lunch. 7. Your words. 8. I've made it to Wednesday already! 9. It's recess week next week:D 10. Having so many things to be thankful for.

1. No TV. 2. Reading something school-related everyday. 3. Giving tuition amidst my busy schedule. 4. You. 5. Drinking a cup of water every morning after I brush my teeth. 6. Buying sweets for my friends when I buy for myself. 7. Texting people randomly to say "JIAYOU!" when I remember them. 8. Ohana's laughter. 9. Ohana's niceness. 10. Ohana just being around.

No expectation, no disappointment. Ok yes I think I will feel better like this. HAPPY BIRTHDAY XIU:)

我意识到我现在所面对的是身份认同危机。我到底是谁？我可以做什么？很多事情都是一线之差，那到底我的定位在哪里？底线是什么？尽管我为此感到纳闷，这种事情急不来。我还在探索中。只求前面有盏明灯，否则我一直这样在黑暗中摸索，我怕我会因找不到出路而放弃。 但是轻言放弃不是我的作风。

1. Today's Contemporary China lecture because I learnt something. 2. Today's History of Chinese Literature tutorial because I went prepared. 3. A new classmate who waved to me when we coincidentally met in school. 4. Dinner with baozi and Wenqin. 5. Busing home with them. 6. Every magical moment spent with you. 7. Doing translation work even though it's not 100% accuracy. 8. Reading the very nice books I come across. 9. Listening to Blue's songs over and over again. 10. Doing stupid things with Ohana. 11. Life.

1. YC's company for mac breakfast today. 2. My student completing the work I assigned. 3. Good friend Cyclops' help with Math almost every Sunday. 4. Good friend Sunshine Boy always sharing emo songs and make me emo. 5. Friends reading my entries even if they don't comment. 6. Friends' concern whenever I'm down. 7. NUS schoolmates who always help me photocopy notes but never get money from me. 8. My sis always doing tasks for me. 9. Mother's support in the big dreams I dream. 10. Your effort to keep up with me.

After reading The Cross Gardener, I keep wanting to make lists of things. I think it's a good habit. And it makes you think:) 1. End of this sem. DUH! 2. The books I asked my brother to help me order. 3. Blue's new album. 4. AhWU's new show. 5. Ohana's next full-strength meeting. 6. A chat with you. 7. The amount of money I aimed for in my bank account. 8. Andy Lau's new movie. 9. End of my sis' O levels so that she will pack her room. 10. A me that can stand up again without fear for falling again.

It's probably the most weary weekend ever. But I must keep going! Things won't be that tough. If there has to be one such moment, then it has come without my knowledge. Don't worry, I know the prospects. 我想我只是重新爱上了被一个人疼的温存.

More often than not, I see myself as a failure. And it gets really demoralizing. This should stop.

It's my 9-year good friend's birthday so.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHAUN:) Thank you Ohana darlings for the time spent even though it was just a simple movie and aimless walking around at the really pathetic City Vibe which apparently has no vibes. I know I haven't been planning activities nor coming out in the name of books but that is also why I cherish the time spent with you all more when we meet! I'm probably only at gear 1 now and it's really, really time to move to the second gear. I'M NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH!!! And the only reason why I don't want to even start is because I know I might just not stop. It's not me there anymore. I want things to be worth at least a smile when I look back.

It's going to be long Thursday but one that makes people smile because it's OHANY DAY! HAPPY 2ND OHANY DAY TO MY 8 DARLINGS . LOVE YOU ALL SO SO MUCH DESPITE THE OCCASIONAL FRICTION HERE AND THERE:)

I hope audiences don't start hating AhWU because of his Leshan role in The Family Court! YOU HATE LESHAN BECAUSE AHWU'S ACTING IS GOOD! DON'T HATE AHWU! What can I say? His acting is really... Ok I've run out of words to describe. He cries so well he makes me want to cry too:( HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHIRLEEN:)

Once again, AhWU managed to activate my tear glands with his very exquisite and brilliant acting in the family court (literally). I couldn't help but applaud as I watched. It was funny how the house telephone suddenly rang at the end of the credits when the show ended. My sister shouted to me, "HEY YOUR CALL!". And then I went "HUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" because hardly anyone (or should I say absolutely no one) tries to reach me at my house phone. I was a little shocked to hear Mel's voice over the line asking, "SO DID HE KILL HIS MUM?" (Yes it's AhWU in The Family Court). She didn't even say HELLO and then shot her question. You know, in some dramas, from the beginning you can tell whether the person is good or bad even if he is supposed to be a good guy at first then the bad guy in the end. His acting tells it. But I'm proud to say AhWU interpreted the role damn well:) Nope nope, there is no overration here.

Want to win more prizes from taking part in GL's quizzes? Try this! Am sure you have heard of this song? Listen to it again but refer to the lyrics as follows: 把回忆牢牢抓紧不是因为执著 是因为回忆不背叛承诺 回头想想 才发现自己多傻 回忆到最后也会蒸发 朋友说过往不堪就不该再回首 我也曾以为自己不能放手 过了很久 终于学会向前走 只是偶而还是会回头 我想我再也不会像从前 日夜在电脑前期盼你的留言 但若过去重演 我绝不会再回到原点 过往那些彻夜难眠 我想我一点都不会眷恋 我想我再也不会像从前 苦苦思索何时能再与你相见 想念一直消减 就快记不起所有画面 过去日子就算再甜 我不需要你再回我身边 朋友说过往不堪就不该再回首 我也曾以为自己不能放手 过了很久 终于学会向前走 只是偶而还是会回头 心被伤了不能全愈合 但故事结束了 没有什么舍不得 我对自己的幸福负责 不再问你为什么 所有不明白的都明白了   我想我再也不会像从前 日夜在电脑前期盼你的留言 但若过去重演 我绝不会再回到原点 过往那些彻夜难眠 我想我一点都不会眷恋 我想我再也不会像从前 苦苦思索何时能再与你相见 想念一直消减 就快记不起所有画面 过去日子就算再甜 所有感情都已消失不见 Help me think of an apt title! Prizes to be won!!! :D P.S: Please give comments on the lyrics too:)

There's always this urge to do really crazy things. Then followed by it, the fear of you being taken away from me. And then there is the thought of you not belonging to me in the first place. Finally it all boils down to the belief that nothing's going to work out and I shall stop being stupid. It might be good, ain't it so? Helen Keller says, "The highest result of education is tolerance." Apparently I haven't been able to obtain the result. I'm still trying, although, at the moment, what I should attempt is to resist the onslaught of temptations that never fail to advance in all directions.

This episode is probably the best evidence that accounts for AhWU's superb acting. He's probably the only actor (in Singapore) who can activate my tear glands and make me watch him in awe. And so these are the grounds that prove I do not admire or fancy him because of his looks. His acting tells it all. Cheers.

"John?" "Yeah." "Do you know what the hardest skill is for human beings to learn?" "Isn't it obvious? Forgiveness." "That's a skill?" I took my eyes off the road to look at his face. "Not for me." He nodded his head a moment. "I was thinking of listening. That's a crucial skill, don't you think? - The Cross Gardener Truth be told, I'm actually quite scared of Mondays, and I'm once again relieved that it's coming to an end. Thanks for every single one who has gone through the day with me.

:) :) :) Allow me to correct myself, IT'S SUCH AN AWESOME AND FABULOUS SUNDAY:)

似乎我不是很清楚自己在做什么。但一点点的理智我想我应该还有保留。希望不会越陷越深，还能自拔。 要时时刻刻提醒自己：做人还是脚踏实地一点比较好。\ I wanted to say it's been a lovely Sunday but I decided to change a little -- It's been a neutral Sunday, maybe not worth smiling over but definitely not worth frowning over either. I'm looking forward to the coming week because of the next weekend! Some people may be irritating but ignorance is bliss.

You either keep in touch with me on a regular basis (I'll be glad to complement usually) or leave me alone. Don't disappear from my life and then appear again because you need to sell your products or whatsoever. I would prefer the last impression you left me and I believe I don't quite like my friendships to be built on business transactions. The above applies to all.

Blue is angry that two of their tracks in their new album (to be released next year) have been leaked on Youtube. As an ardent fan of theirs of course I would say the person who leaked them is selfish. And then to contradict myself more I went to Youtube to listen to the two tracks. I think I forgot about everything else after listening. It's just too nice to hear Blue back together again. I totally enjoy hearing the coming together of the four voices. So whatever it is, I'm buying their album. Thank you bf for accompanying me today! It's been a very slack two days I must embark on my journey again.

It was already a bad sleep with an aching back and excruciating cramps and top of all, nice, my long-lost friend migraine. To make worse there was the caffeine effect (if there was even any) of the milk tea I had last night, and it never wore off until like 4 a.m.? What a bad choice of beverage at that time of the day. *pats my own back* And then I was woken by the vibration of my mobile (which apparently was still the cause of disruption of my sleep despite my changing of the type and intensity of the vibration) at 7.40a.m. I saw a missed call and pressed. I thought to myself: It has to be dream. And returned to sleep. But one thing I knew, even if it was a dream, at that moment when I saw the caller, I think there was a slight tinge of euphoria across my face. I think I beamed. So on my way to school, I checked my logs again and indeed, there was the missed call. It was not a dream after all. But sadly maybe, I didn't call back. Pardon...