past.

I should say, Jacky's concert was not just a half-century concert but a century one. It's the best concert I've ever been to. If not for school today, I probably wouldn't want to leave my seat last night. I could just sit there and reminisce all the good ol' songs he sang. It was too awesome! Much as I sat right at the back (literally), I really enjoyed myself tremendously. At this point of time, I think life is such a luxury. Childhood dream -- CHECKED!

很多事情好想去追求，但往往因为没有勇气而放弃。 难过的话，也只能怪自己没有胆。 I'm so slack this week. Got to work a lot harder! JIAYOU GL!

You thought you knew. It's such a cold day today.

1. Last night I had the very sudden (and impromptu) urge to sing all the KTV sad songs. So I texted both my best friends and they miraculously managed to book a K room and we (or rather I) sang our fill till 10 p.m. We waited at the MRT platform until we felt like boarding the train. We didn't go home because I said I felt like eating ice cream. And so we alighted at Clementi to have ice cream at 11 p.m. I got home at around midnight and only had 5 hours of sleep. But all was worthwhile, because my best friends' company really cheered me up. This is why I always say, 爱你的人总是会包容你的任性。 2. CL3207 lecture today was extremely insightful. I enjoy such process of learning whereby I forget I am actually learning. 3. This week has not been so nice but I'm thankful for the bunch of friends who made me laugh so much. 4. I'm extremely at peace now for it's Friday (even though it's ending). 5. I decided I would give up on something I did not even try because I d...

Sitting inside a fastfood restaurant all by my own, thinking about what I should do with my life. Surrounded by feelings of anxiety, fear, uncertainty and confusion. I hate all of these, yet I don't have the slightest idea what I can do to overcome them. Is it time to take a break? I'm so tired.

The day has been full of laughter. I laughed so hard. And I really do like the feeling of laughing heartily. I'm sure. After all, who doesn't? And I am hoping that it will always be the same every week (I'm not expecting everyday).   *Truth is, I don't want to hurt and I don't want to get hurt. I'm sorry if along the way I have done anything that has hurt anyone's feelings. I don't want to stay down but I am afraid of moving ahead lest I fall. I despise myself for being so fearful of risks. I always do.

这一刻突然觉得好熟悉。这一刻我想我是幸福的。 如果让自己开心也要犹豫的话，做人应该会很辛苦吧？ 我不该管那么多。

http://youtu.be/sQy3pwYwvg8 I was reminded of the very bad birthdays I had, especially in the last two years. It's true that I have moved on, but some marks are indeed indelible. That they will keep coming back to haunt whenever I am thinking of starting afresh.

There goes the second week of school. Very frankly, much as I have gone shopping once this week, I still feel extremely stressful. Nothing goes into my head, the readings, the new concepts learnt (not all), the life of uni again. I set my alarm at 8 or 9am every morning, but I usually wake up half an hour earlier and wait for my alarm to go off. That is how anxious I am about school. I am worried about being unable to catch up, and worried about being unable to pull my grades up. I know worrying too much will get me nowhere but I have done everything I can to feel better but I just don't. The stress and feeling of anxiety are so overwhelming that I find myself gasping for air, once again. I need a movie very badly to relax my mind and body.

At times like this when I don't understand the situation myself, I hope others will, or at least try to. I'm not asking for a solution, I just want an avenue to vent.

I was truly hoping things would get better.

希望真的都是好的吗？ 很多人都会因为“一线希望”而感到庆幸，兴奋。也许是因为随着希望而来的是更美更好的事。 但是，我害怕看到希望。 看到一线希望，我第一个想到的总是：希望会不会落空？ 我害怕那种被送到天堂，然后又被打回地狱的感觉。 我害怕希望背后的各种可能性。 我很怕。 只因为希望曾经背叛过我。 我会很努力地提醒自己许下过的承诺。 我不想再依赖过去去过以后的生活。 我不想依赖希望来得到任何东西。 一朝被蛇咬，十年怕井绳。

我最在行的是忍住眼泪不哭。

Experience --> Conception --> What is said. From an experience, views are suggested and a conception emerges. From that conception, something is said and when said by someone of a higher authority, it becomes impactful or influential. When the thing said does not match with the experience, miscommunication happens. Conclude: When others say something that is easier said than done, it is because they do not understand your experience. When you have nothing better to say, don't say anything, because you do not understand other people's experiences.

Yes, in the blink of an eye again, school is going to start tomorrow. Been feeling a bit disappointed with myself for not having accomplished much during this three-month summer break. Other than the holiday trip with Mic and Lan Hua (which I really wished could be longer), I worked at the Singapore Book Fair, Mediacorp News Hotline and a daycare centre. I gave tuition almost everyday. Nevertheless, I think the money I've earned from doing all these jobs is still very little, still a distance away from my goal. I would say I did not enjoy this break a lot, rather, I managed my time very badly. I only managed to finish reading 2 books. Yet, it was considerably a fruitful holiday still because I've met up with a lot of people whom I previously thought I was probably going to lose touch with. Also, I think I made a bunch of very interesting friends (at Maha Yuyi especially) who brought me a lot of laughter this holiday. Right, not to forget, I think this semester is going to be mo...

What if things will never be the same again? Even if you have tried? 最快乐的那一年……已经流逝了。 我找不回同样的感觉。 也许我变了。

很久没有走路回家了。以前总是喜欢走路回家。就算是半个小时的路程，就算是大太阳，我只要有心情，总会走路回家。喜欢那种走在路上，一叠叠的思绪在脑子里徘徊，很多的问题，不一定要找到解决的方法，想通就行了。想通就是最好的解决方法吧。 今天傍晚的天气很好，但是我有些抗拒走路回家。是有这么一股冲动，但那冲动并不强烈。而这并非是我懒惰！也许是因为在路途中，总免不了想起一些往事，而这些往事都是没有必要想起的。也许是这样的想法淹没了那最初的冲动。 然后你会发现，最可笑的是，当我说到有些往事是没有必要想起的时候，我已经不自觉地又想起了。 好像又是理智和情感的另一场斗争。

Goodbye to the number which I have used since 2003, which is memorized by many people, and which is why people often called me when they needed a listening ear, a helping hand, or.... an insurance buyer. Lastly, goodbye to people whom I did not give my new number to. We may never keep in touch again.

好久没有用华文打字了，是应该在开学之前熟悉熟悉一下。 想分享一下这几天的一些心得，或者说是感想。 前几天补习的时候，学生突然静下来，然后对我说：“老师，I feel like telling my mum that I want to be exempted from Chinese。” 最初我是很震惊，接着我自然就问：“为什么呢？” 他说：“我觉得我不能cope，而且我班上有两个男同学也是被exempted，他们上课的时候可以这样（跷起脚，用双手捂着后脑勺）。” 我又不知道该说什么。 然后我说：“就因为这样吗？上华文课的时候他们可以在课室后面享受，你就想学他们？就因为这样你想要放弃你的母语？” 不知道是不是我的语气太重，还说得太深奥，他静了下来。 我继续说：“现在，有很多很多的新加坡孩子虽然是华人，但是基本的华文都讲不好。有些父母觉得华文不重要，就让他们放弃。可能还有很多人还不知道我们的母语的重要性。现在中国崛起，很多人想要打入中国市场，却因为不懂得讲华语而吃亏，然后才来学讲学写华文华语。如果你现在就放弃的话，我想你肯定会后悔。如果你妈妈也觉得华文没有用的话，她为什么要请我来帮你补习？” 学生仍然没有回答。他一直看着我，样子很认真。我不清楚他是在思考我刚说的一番话，还是他完全不理解我的意思。 最后我叫他好好想想，接着继续上课。 昨天，到另一个学生的家补习。因为要开学了，这个学生的家又离我家太远，所以决定不补了，昨天是最后一堂课。这个学生非常调皮，上课的时候总是喜欢走来走去，静不下来。跟他说话，他也是“一只耳朵进，另一只耳朵出”。有时候我失去耐心，就会稍微大声地叫他认真听课。我想，学生大概都不喜欢会骂人的老师。但是，昨天这个学生竟然还送我一盒巧克力。我离开的时候，他还问我：“老师，我Primary Five的时候你会不会回来教我？” 因为这两个学生，我现在更加清楚，教书这行并不是我要的饭碗。

Jiayou GL! 你要撑着！

I always wonder if there is anymore I can say or do. Is that all? So many years of friendship. Was it really friendship? Ok I decided I shall not say a thing.

有时候不开心的时候，看到阿武的脸能够给我慰籍。

I screwed things up again. I'm damn sorry Eric. I'm damn sorry.

We harp on the bad times and forget all the good ones. We don't care anymore but we try to show that we still do. Because there is always a selfish side no matter how we conceal it. This is creepy and threatening but it holds truth. Maybe the prettiest flowers wither too. Whether we want to wait for the next blooming season or not is a different story altogether.