Sitting inside a fastfood restaurant all by my own, thinking about what I should do with my life. Surrounded by feelings of anxiety, fear, uncertainty and confusion. I hate all of these, yet I don't have the slightest idea what I can do to overcome them. Is it time to take a break? I'm so tired.
This CNY, I realised many things. I realised I have always envied families who go out as a whole for CNY visiting, or those who invite many relatives and friends over. I realised I am very afraid of the coming of CNY because CNY simply means watching movies and slacking at home for me. I love to watch movies, there is no doubt about that. Perhaps I just don't appreciate the latter because there is so much to face head-on. I hate the silence or otherwise awful hurlings at the dining table. I hate how I need to pretend to be hospitable to people I dislike. This year, I hid in my room when people I did not feel comfortable with came, then I was accused of being stubborn and impolite. Sometimes I really wonder if being myself is of imperative or being polite is. Whichever the case, I want to confess that I really feel tired and unhappy this CNY. The worst is that I feel that no one can understand because everyone I tried to rant this to tells me I should go home because it is CNY after...
yes, take a break! visit the mountains. (ops. sg only has bukit timah >.<)go to the beach, let your mind relax! there are certainly moments in time when we'll feel lost or depressed, try to look forward. one can't predict what will happen tomorrow, so live the moment! life's beautiful and there are too much to explore and appreciate. jiayou gl!!
ReplyDeletethank you yanliiiiiii :) <3
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