past.

The sudden rush of nostalgia always returns on a night like this. I used to say Facebook was a bane. Now I know, many things are by option. On days that I remember the past, it often strikes me that I have forgotten most of it. That is why, we never have to tell ourselves, remember to forget. When the time comes for us to forget, we will realise we do not really need a reminder after all. There is still this little tinge of I-dont-know-what inside me whenever the past unfolds in my head, but I'm pretty sure there is nothing I can or should do about it. Maybe there is always something nice about the undone? Whatever, we have all made our respective choices at the forked routes that once stretched ahead. I don't doubt mine, as of now. I just need to forget more and reinvent myself anew.

Silence is golden.

I received a postcard today. I love receiving handwritten stuff :)

Sometimes people don't have to say a single word to let you know you mean a thing to them. Or they can say everything but you actually don't mean a thing.

The concert was seriously awesome :) And of course the late night hanging out and sitting on the floor out in the open at 12 a.m. And buying drinks from 7-eleven in the middle of the night. And walking to the main road to hail a taxi which was initially nowhere in sight that I was so scared of being robbed/kidnapped because the place was so quiet. And the little talks before we turned in. Thank you best friends! I didn't use to like 静茹, I used to think she liked to act cute. Not that I like her now, but I guess I am greatly influenced by the two best friends who really love her songs. And like I always say, her songs have accompanied me through many phases. The context always fits. I guess we sometimes really need a song to relate to, even if it ends you up in an emo state. How sad is it to have not a single song to relate to! My favourite song still remains as 可惜不是你. But this song is good too, it was the ending song for last night's concert. And this song always reminds me of ...

Two years ago, I did relief teaching in my primary school. I vaguely recall playing badminton with a new teacher who had just graduated from NIE then. Few days ago, she was scolding a student in class. She was so angry that her heart stopped, and she died. I was rather stunned (and speechless) when I heard about this. I think we should not point fingers, I think, because no one was really at fault. But I do think that teaching is so not easy these days because kids are getting out of hand. My ambition was once to be a teacher. After about a year of experience in the teaching field, I decided I don't really belong. I guess I still have the passion to share, to interact with people younger than me, to pass on knowledge. Yet, I don't really enjoy it still. To my friends (Mic YC YY  LH WJ YR HP etc etc) who are going to be teachers in future, please manage your anger and don't keep the anger inside you.

I have been spamming Patrick Kong's films after watching his Mr. and Mrs. Single yesterday. He's not saddistic, I would say, but he is extremely skeptical. To add, his views are shaping mine. The impact of films. Is there really true love?

Caught 隐婚男女 with Ting Hui and Zhi Yong. I thought the songs used in the film were really good. The movie is not like the extremely emo type, but I felt very touched (I don't know why and how). Especially when the song 十年 played, I had goosebumps, which I attributed to the impact of the singer/song to make me feel that way. Overall, I think I haven't been so satisfied with a movie in a long time (especially after having watched Green Lantern and Transformers...). “在这个世上，只有伤心的理由，没有沉沦的借口。” I think Eric is right, one day when you look back again, there are no more feelings. Nonetheless, I hope you are still the person I knew. Or I never knew you well enough. It gets really tiring to catch up with you, so I decided, I shan't try so hard anymore.

Sometimes I don't know what I'm doing, but I guess that doesn't matter as long as I feel better or at least neutral. I try to remember people who make me laugh.

I locked my blog earlier because of my use of vulgarity (you know, sometimes there are no better avenues to vent frustration other than the use of vulgarity, at least for me). I know people are going to kick a big fuss and flock to me if they see me using vulgarity. I decided I would unlock once I feel better. Still, after I have unlocked, people still asked. I know you all are concerned, and I really appreciate that, really! I think I am only human and humans have times when they are not ok. Appreciate those who wrote me letters, who called, who texted, who left me alone, I really appreciate all of these. (ZR I'm sorry I snapped at you, again.) (Max I didn't lie to you!) Just to clarify, I am feeling better. Thanks.

My first day at work. I'm finally working in the same company as AhWU. I'm finally working in Mediacorp. I think it doesn't matter even if they decide to sack me tomorrow, because I have realised this dream, even if it's just one day.

Will you just stop bragging and fuck off from my life.

I'm in a rush, to feel better.

Paul Coelho said that you can't avoid pain, but you can write it out and you will feel better. I'm just hoping there is some truth to what he says. I'm so overwhelmed by negative feelings I really can go mad. I think I really can. I don't even know why I am doing so many things at one go, teaching at a daycare centre, giving so many kids tuition, applying for a job at Mediacorp, going for a job interview at NUS COOP. I don't friggin know why. I want to earn money, enough for me to go overseas to study, because my mum bugs me everyday to study hard and do an honours. But the fact is, I really can't. I'm just being realistic. I don't want to set goals which are so far away. One moment she asks me to drop all my tuition kids and focus on my studies, another she tells me to find more so that I can help support the family. I don't know what is what. She compares my brother and me and I so hate that. People have been telling me that I shouldn't have re...

I need to try a lot harder.

最近严重失眠，直到前几天因为发烧吃了药，所以睡得比较好。 这几天脑子里有很多事情一直在转，很想做多一些事来让自己麻木，但是弄巧反拙。 做越多事，脑子里越多事情要烦，人就变得越暴躁。 我觉得自己很没有用。 只能希望在开学之前，现在在做的这些事情都是一种磨练。 不如好好把握这个机会，痛苦一回。

We do crazy things, of all sorts.

The turnout for primary six class gathering was surprisingly good (there were only about 10 of us), considering the number of indifferent people and those who have gone overseas for further studies. But somehow, it was just... I don't know how to put that across. I think something has changed and the ambience was rather different as compared to before. I met up with Michelle (my primary school best friend) and Wei Xin yesterday but the feeling was very much different. It was always a different feeling meeting up with those primary school friends who were not in my graduating class, it has always felt better. Nevertheless, I believe meeting up with people who have gone missing in your life for some time is always good :) Believe it or not, I feel like watching X-Men, again.

Today, I returned the book which I initially liked but eventually lost interest in. Today, I deleted a group of people on Facebook, of which some used to be my good friends but now they only keep in touch with me because they need to sell me stuff. I have spent the longest time thinking whether doing this would be very mean but I guess Hoe Ping is right, why waste time on these people. And so, I deleted, and I do not think I should feel bad about it. I must say, though, that I am going to be careful when I accept friends' requests in future. People come and go, I give everyone the freedom to choose how they want to stay in my life. But I do not accept all sorts.

I can't believe it, I watched Transformers today. It is so not me. I think X-Men First Class is seriously the best movie I have watched this year (as of now) and no other movies should be comparable. Anyway, I met Liling for dinner. I have to say I was quite apprehensive initially. After all, we haven't met for some time and we haven't tried meeting up without the rest! I'm thankful, though, after the catch up with her. She shared a lot with me, and many of which made me feel like crying. I don't know why, just when I said my tear glands were usually not active. But anyway, she has once again affirmed my beliefs which really comes in useful espeially when I have been doubtful about myself these days. Thank goodness. And then I chatted with my two best friends on the phone. It's been some time. I miss that.

I would just say the day is weird yet amazing and a little bit of frustrating. Well yes, very complicated. I went for tuition this afternoon and my student suddenly passed me the snake dang dang toy (which I lacked to complete the series last year). Student: This one give you. Me: How come? (Actually I was damnnnnnn excited when I saw it but I contained my excitement) Student: Give you lor. Me: But you like Doraemon too. Student: Yes I like but I only have this one and I don't have the rest. Me: Are you serious? Student: Yes? (with innocent eyes) Me: Really? Student: *nods head* Me: You sure? Student: -.-  err yeah. Me: Ohmygad thank you! (I couldn't keep my excitement at bay anymore) Student: I should have thought of giving you this earlier. And then I came home and started with my work. I think the weather was very hot and so I was kinda in a fiery temper. I could not feel worse, really. Then Chris texted. And then Chris and Hui Min and I had supper till midnight. I seriousl...

<p><p><p>http://www.youtube.com/embed/g3T7Lbh8v_U?fs=1</a>" frameborder="0" width="425" allowfullscreen=""></p></p></p> 两个星期前，我最好的朋友在K告诉我： “你为什么都唱这种歌？” 今天想想，我为什么都唱这种歌？ 我为什么要自怜？ 好想再去K唱最后一次。 然后就应该醒了。