past.

There’s a place I’ve never been A place I long to be Will I reach? I just don’t know Still I hope one day I’ll go My wish just never seems to come I know for certain you’re the one So close I get, still no cigar Carrying my wounded heart I can’t stop the river from running, I can’t, I can’t I can’t stop the rain from falling down on me I know I’m not what you want I’m hoping in time you’ll see how My soul pleads for you Not every time you meet someone and You both just click in a minute Baby it’s the eye contact, smile like that Click click and you’re rolling Can’t stop calling you I don’t know what to do Baby you’re making me break down all of my rules Now I can believe you’ve put a spell on me Oh it’s the way it seems, I can’t keep you out my dreams Oh I get chills baby, when I can’t talk to you I’m in pain and I hope you feel the way I do I'm sorry I can't refrain. I had to blog. Today seems to mark (again) the end of another round of O levels. 茶馆 test on Wednesday and Mock ...

Surge of diffidence in me today I don't know why. CSC case study paper devoured the remaining confidence I had left. Bused home with Sinying and her words kind of boosted my confidence a little. Dinner with my goodie friend Mr. Lee Ying Hao. No oyster so had Burger King instead. Calories. Today I came to realise the expectations I set for myself are so much higher than those set for me by anyone else. I was never contented and I probably won't be. Less than 100 days. How cool. Edits: Next entry will be after prelims. And I've been wanting to do something but I never did. An apology to AhWU: 亲爱的阿武，我将暂时放弃你，一直到A levels结束。可是！这只是暂时性的！你要等我…！ And I'll still be watching 12 Lotus and Painted Skin!

Red Cliff with LCfamily. Wasn't as boring as I thought, though not as impressive as I expected either. 关羽's patriotism touches me most. Man, I'm vulnerable in any movie theatres, even one that plays a comedy. I had a good laugh too though. CLL language paper was demoralising. And I really, really pray that the venues for all my A levels papers will be air-conditioned or at the very least, well-ventilated, or I'm so going to nod off to sleep like I almost did today. The one beside me did. Yes Brenda. I was wondering why she suddenly stopped scribbling on her paper. For a moment I thought she finished the paper so much faster than me! Disaster. How much does a unit of misses cost? Does any pawnshop want something like that? I'm dying to sell them. Or perhaps exchange them for better focus and better grades, or the best is, additional time. The accumulating units are taking up a lot of my time and time doesn't stop wasting even if I throw my watch away (okay maybe ...

I finally saw CHIA SHENG KAI after 6 months and 2 days! Via the webcam! :DDD

I'm very disappointed in you. Why are you never appreciative of what people do for you? You hurled vulgarity when you haven't even found out the truth. Is that being fair to everyone who has been kind and nice to you? Who has gone the mile to ensure things go well for you? You didn't even say a word of thank you. You didn't even just show that you're aware of everyone's efforts. You just point your fingers when the bad happens, and enjoy when your friends are with you. You said you've grown up, you said you understand. But your actions are telling me you've not and you do not.

A bunch of enthusiastic 18-year-olds who planned to go jogging at CCK park ended up slacking for 8 hours. Zi Rui's mum was sick so we could only carry on with our healthy lifestyle scheme next week. Slacked for so super long but I thought it was good that I relieved stress. I FEEL SO SUPER CHEATED AND ANGRY. We were randomly watching videos and suddenly one of them brought up Titanic so I typed Titanic in youtube's search bar. I saw Titanic - The Sequel and I actually jumped in excitement. The trailer was so thrilling and I was all so high and elated that there's a sequel to the movie. Then in the end I found out it's a fake trailer. I feel so so so cheated. Titanic ended well but I really would love it if there's a sequel. Argh. More details of today's slacking session at LCfamily blog. :)

A week of laughter and a week of tears. The earlier's last week, and the latter this week. I finally broke down. Felt good at the same time terrible. The feeling of being able to vent it out with tears was good. The feeling of having to hold back uncontrollable tears was way too terrible. Zhi and Ce have been very, very supportive. Thank goodness. Esther didn't look for me yesterday because she knew I needed a space alone to cry it out. Pei Ting burnt me a CD with North's I Am Strong. She thought it was applicable because I'm strong. I've been doubting this for quite some time these days but everyone's telling me I really am. Alright I'll try to think that I am. Many saw my swollen eyes yesterday and asked if I was sick, or had insomnia. Nope, I haven't really been ill these days. But yes, lack of sleep. Have been sleeping from 5am to 6am these days. Wednesday and yesterday were the days I had most amount of sleep this week. Wednesday was 3am to 6am. Yes...

The first time in the past 11 years that I've cried so badly.

突然间，我感受到感情的破裂。 而这种感觉令人深感无奈。 是我错了吗。 我真的有很多疑问，但谁能够替我解答。

Tears make me see things with clearer eyes.

Productive day with Wei Xin and Yan Hong at the library with 2 and a 1/2 Math papers(AJ CJ HCI) done. This is one of the rare times I find it so hard to face my own mother. I apologised. But still, I don't see why I'm wrong. Each time I commit a mistake, I will reflect and ring her up, and then apologise. But this time, she asked for the apology. I couldn't help but apologised reluctantly. There is merely a fine line between 讲道理 and 顶嘴, yes. But they're different. If we always have to make a choice, then yes, running away is a choice too. I tried to face up to it, but nothing's working out. For once I felt so suicidal. You used to condemn mothers who yelled at their children in public. But you did that to me. You said he's unreasonable. But you were too. Shattered. I wonder if all my dreams are now shattered. I wonder if there is nothing or no one I am living for now. I don't live for myself and I never have to. But now.. Ha. What am I even on this earth.

I don't ask for everyone's kind understanding but yours is the least I could ask for. Not that I don't know you love me but somehow I feel that you just don't recognise or acknowledge my efforts. I love you too but even if that's the case, I wouldn't feel guilty since I feel that I'm not in the wrong. This is a problem that harasses me forever but why won't everyone stop asking me to not think about it. I used to be so strong but now I could cry at the slightest matters. It's ever harder now to place trust in anyone. The world seems so slippery that I have to trust no one but myself to protect myself from an unseen attack. My soul is now so disintegrated because of the fact that disappointment and sense of loss have devoured the last bit of hope, faith and courage I thought I had. I'm weak once again.

YES IT'S MY FAULT IT'S MY FAULT IT'S MY FAULT IT'S MY FAULT IT'S MY FAULT IT'S MY FAULT IT'S MY FAULT IT'S MY FAULT.

It was on the average a great week. An optimistic one rather. Thanks to my friends who gave me a chance to care for them. :) I hope every day is like yesterday. 当你关上了门离开 这个房间 关上了仅有的光线 只剩想念 我还感受到温柔的幻觉 月亮的背面 写满了我们的细节 我的回忆种满你曾对我说过的预言 开成了一座遗憾的花园 也许一天在挤满行人的那一条街 你才会发现我留下的空缺 没有人能完全填补的空缺 就当作我们不熟练 不够周全 就当作我们追不上 彼此改变 我以为能完美写下句点 时间在后面 遥控了所有的情节 � 幸福需要的磨练 我们都误解成搁浅 活在想象的明天 忘了今天未完结

当你最渴望时，他总是离你好遥远。 当你决定好好过生活时，他却无处不在。 在这么多种关系中，人际关系是最复杂的。感情是最奇妙，最捉摸不定的… Thank you Yan Hong and Wei Xin for the constant support! :) Yan Hong take care and let's jiayou! :)

Lovely Friday, I guess. 4 hours out with Zhi, Yu Han and Huimin. Pizza Hut was not that expensive but it got me so bloated. (Nelson I know you want to say I eat unhealthy food again right) Soup of the day was Yu Han's and my favourite, cream of chicken. :) Had chicken ole baked rice which I have not tried for a long time. Spotted very nice handphone pouches. Zhi, Huimin and I each bought one. With combined bargaining skills of Zhi's and mine, we managed to slash from $3.90 to $3 each. :D A final blow on my knee and now I can't walk anymore. I was actually so full of hopes and anticipation for tomorrow's LC catch up. Shucks. Before I knew you, I thought everyone was my best friend. After I've known you, you were the only one I could call my best friend. Now, I feel that I have no best friend.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIN MENG. :) For the first time I didn't have to rack my brains over what to get for you! :DD HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOKE HWEE. :) HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY CHRISTOPHER. :) HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY HUILING. :) After two months, they're finally here again. Sometimes I really wished they don't have to appear in the midst of my happiness and laughter. They never fail to take away every bit of joy I'm having at the moment. To make things worse, they cause me so much pain, sometimes leaving 'indelible impressions ' wherever I go. Worst of all, I can't go swimming on Saturday because of them! I'm seriously dying due to cramps now and currently, while typing this entry, I'm drinking a glass of HL strawberry. It's freezing cold by the way. Is this euthanasia or what? Periods make good spoilers. Ask any girl around and you know. While on the way home with Mother just now, she suddenly told me this. "Girl啊，有时候你要懂得拿得起，放得下okay? 不可以因为一点点失败就不甘愿，不服气，要坚持下...