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Showing posts from September, 2012

意兴阑珊

明明是中文系,却感觉很久没有打中文字了。也许,也许对于读书真的不再抱有太强烈的热忱,所以在做作业的时候就完全忽视了自己在打中文字的事实。也许,也许整天面对一堆看似永远做不完的东西,所以在抒发情感的时候就特别避免再用中文字。趁现在休息,好好地抒发一下情绪,要不接下来的日子大概没有这种闲情逸致。   好忙啊。真的。   事情就是永远做不完的样子。这个学期比上个学期少修一门课,开始的时候还得意洋洋,以为这个学期肯定有时间多打球、看看港剧什么的。原来念荣誉不是盖的。这是一架几人驾驶的飞机。孤掌难鸣啊。但是身边的副驾驶员若是有意怠慢,或者根本无意起飞,一个人的力量又能成就什么?(我没有在暗示什么,真的没有。你信吗?哈。)   做人难。做好人更难。我不懂得如何在不用强悍的情况下让别人合作,所以搞得我整个人对学习的兴致都快被榨干了。我好想好想赶快完成手头上的工作,好好地坐下来吃块芝士蛋糕、或者一片比萨,就是一包薯片都行。   希望下次回来的时候,我已经把事情做得七七八八了。 而不是已经放弃自己。

刺猬

最後一抹的微笑 在转身之後 我闭上眼 哭了 仅存的一点点骄傲 华丽的外表终於丢掉 很旁徨很孤单 是寂寞或悲惨 一个人 该怎么办 像是刺蝟般防范 伪装得勇敢 不轻易让你 看穿 我以为可以很坦然 面对分开时不觉得伤感 然而将灯关上 一片无声黑暗 心痛得大声呼喊 我想我没那么坚强 每个女孩其实一样 渴望着爱情的好 渴望被拥抱 却都害怕爱让人受伤 承认我没那么坚强 不过是一而再的逞强 小心将情绪收藏 比傻瓜还傻 刺蝟的坚强 全都是假象 哭吧

Angsty.

There are just problematic people around.   Seriously, if you can't practise what you preach, please go elsewhere. I appreciate that you stop harping on the unnecessary, especially before I turn vulgar.   I am so angsty I want to eat macnuggets.

Friday.

Friday is often the best day of the week, but not if it's recess week.   With only 5.5 or maybe 6 hours of sleep, I dragged myself out of bed and made my way to school. I actually planned to stay at home and have a good rest before school starts again next week, but I had to return to school to have one of the projects done so yeah, I managed to reach school (with great pains) after all. Project was really boring until...   Me: I want to ask a stupid question leh.   Janvin: Then don't ask.   And then two of us started laughing like mad. I think that was the result of being too stressed? But yeah, I was really amused. Maybe I just need something funny like this to get through the day.     Lunch seemed like luxury and no one ever wanted to go back to the library to face reality. Well but, reality sounds as realistic as it is.   It would be mad to study the whole day on a Friday, even though it is the last weekday of recess week. ...

Weary

It's such a lousy day. Every smile I faked, every inch I moved and every word I spoke was of utmost difficulty and they all took huge tolls on me. I have never felt so lethargic this semester. And I know this is probably only the beginning. I can only pray to meet nice people along the way because I'm really sick and scared of those who are not. Yeah, who am I to judge or condemn? It was I who abandoned the skeptical front and chose to believe again. Yeah, so much for my naive optimism? Jiayou GL, you are on your own now.

单身美好

早场电影 午后咖啡厅 姊妹死党 赖在KTV 散步去看雨 小背包旅行 养只猫咪 在怀里呼吸 日子很简单 心思也很简单 快乐悲伤 来得快去得也快 多一些时间 疼爱自己过得浪漫 小小心愿 能自己成全 没有人陪伴 和勇敢无关 只是刚好 在人生最自由的时光 没有人陪伴 也可以习惯 单身美好 我自己很好 计较的少 失望的也少 任性一点 没什么不好 朋友们都懂 我不怕寂寞 只怕为谁 努力得不够 日子很简单 心思也很简单 快乐悲伤 来得快去得也快 多一些时间 疼爱自己过得浪漫 小小心愿 能自己成全 没有人陪伴 和勇敢无关 只是刚好 在人生最自由的时光 没有人陪伴 也可以习惯 单身美好 我自己很好 没人说晚安 和独立无关 只是现在 我们缘份还不够圆满 没人说早安 依然很乐观 单身美好 等待你的好 单身美好 未来会更好

Sigh

To be very frank, I'm actually feeling very demoralised, even though it's recess week. The pile of assignments to be completed is so scary and what makes things worse is that my project mates are not in Singapore to start the project with me when it is due in a few weeks' time (and that is not a long time). On the other hand I have a mid term exam to revise for and I have not touched anything on it. I am seriously not confident of doing well for that module and the thought frightens me because I have to do well for all my modules this semester or I will not be able to maintain my CAP. The irony, now, is that I feel like getting out of this place and hide somewhere. I don't want to go to school!!! :(

:)

Had a simple meal with the girls at Hot Tomato today. It was good! Wheeeeeeeeee. After waiting for one and a half years, Bait is finally coming soon! I have heard really bad reviews but I am so going to watch it!!! And Blue's single will be released in less than 30 days!

Mid-autumn, again.

It's amazing how things have changed within a year. When someone doesn't care for you anymore, no matter what you do or say, or how you are, nothing really matters. Come on, just get a life GL.
Today my wound didn't feel right so my bgf (best girl friend) and my bf (best friend) accompanied me to the doctor. Hmm it means so much :)

Tuesday

I had mixed emotions initially but somehow, LL just managed to save the day again! I'm not sure if my friends who attended the same class feel the same way as I do, but I really think LL's classes are enjoyable, not the content perhaps, but the way he conducts them and the way he carries himself. Doesn't that suffice?!   I like how everyone laughs :)

Warm Monday

Let's see. It's a warm Monday because the weather is extremely humid.   But of course it is also warm because of the nice people around. I felt pampered having friends who asked how I was and stuff like that the moment they saw me. I had complimentary tao huay from Yanli and Hersheys Kisses from chew chew. On my way home, I bumped into Yan Hong and he helped me with the NTUC basket.   And, the drink stall at Techno Edge played Blue's songs!

Sweet

My student begged his mum to let him come visit me. Even though I rejected his goodwill in the end, I was actually very touched. How sweet :) I'm craving for: - cheesecake - Lays potato chips - pizza - nuggets - Sarah Lee chocolate pound cake

Surgery

I'm fine now! Thank you to those who expressed concern :)   And so I went to the hospital with about 4 hours of sleep. I was surprised myself that I didn't feel too scared or nervous about anything, probably because Yanli was waiting for me outside. I guess it is always a nice feeling to know that someone is waiting for you, especially when you are feeling all alone :)   Instead, I was a little excited because I had always wanted to go into the operating theatre for I always think I might want to use that as one of my settings in my script if I ever write one in future. I started observing every possible thing around me once I entered the operating theatre. However, my glasses were removed pretty soon once I got onto the operating table. And I was strapped so basically I couldn't really move or see clearly.   Then came the 4 jabs. They were really painful, especially the last one. Towards the end when the doctor was closing my wound, I wasn't sure if the anesthetics ...

People, school, life.

1. I always feel a tinge of sadness when I miss out a particular episode in any friend's life merely because I am lazy to navigate to his/her blog. That is why I try to make it a point to read all my friends' blogs every single day, but sometimes laziness just gets the better of me. And then I feel bad that I can't drop a text or call to express my concern on the day when my friend feels down or just needs a listening ear. I think I really got to be more consistent.   2. The workload continues to accumulate and somehow the more work there is to do, the more reluctant I am to do something about it. I don't know if it's just me or, is week 5 here a little too quickly? I have barely absorbed anything for the past four weeks and there, I need to start working on projects, etc.   3. To be very frank, I have tried my best to be positive about everything but it seems like my optimism failed to influence the people around me. Everyone is still dragging his/her feet to s...

At the end of the day

Maybe at the end of the day, everything will turn out just fine. Have faith, just have faith.   It's been a very, very tiring day. I felt so much like sleeping during lesson and it was so hard to focus despite my interest in the subject. Haven't been able to sleep well for the last few days, thus becoming very snappy.   Really, really need to jiayou. “咸以孔子之是非为是非,故未尝有是非耳。”

Decade.

  In all honesty, I wasn't really looking forward to the chalet. I didn't see the need to spend so much on an elaborate celebration. All I ask for is a simple meal over a round table. Nevertheless, I did enjoy myself. It's been ten years. Celebrating ten years of friendship is probably a milestone to some of them, of course to me as well. Over the past decade, many things happened. We bonded, we drifted, we laughed, we bickered. I guess nothing changes the fact that we are perhaps not as tight as before (or maybe it's just me) but I'm thankful we have left indelible marks in one another's life. If I were to spell the irreplaceable elements, they have to be our shared memories. I'm not sure if we are going to celebrate our friendship again a decade from now, we probably will, or we probably won't. In any case, thanks for having been there all this while.   Happy Ohana Day.

Unfair?

我想就算是含着泪,我会一直忍下去。 Even though sometimes, I really, really wished someone would just stand on my side and speak for me.

Principles.

Today yl and I made a pact. We said we will never bitch about some people in front of our friends again. And I told her I have a new resolution too. I am not going to try so hard to be nice to some people anymore, I shall ignore some people the way some people ignore me, but I will not be hostile. This is going to be so hard but I shall try. It takes two hands to clap.   Like Janvin said, I have enough on my plate so I shall not and will not mull over it any longer.   I resolve to finish my readings tomorrow!  

To my New Best/Bitchy Friend

DEAR YANXING THIS IS FOR YOU.   Okay I admit, I am going to be sooooo sian from tomorrow onwards because I have one less friend to gossip with. Since last semester, you have been one of those friends I can whatsapp immediately when I need to vent my frustrations or simply emo. Even though we always make extremely sarcastic remarks at each other every time we meet, I know that we do not mean all the awful things we say (please don't tell me you mean them even if you do). Do take good care of yourself while you are away. Don't faint again. Stop your lazy habits and explore the country more instead of lazing at dorm and watching Taiwan dramas. C'mon get a life please. Write legibly when you are doing written assignments there because you don't want your lecturers to fail you for illegible handwriting. And please keep your whatsapp on when you can so that I can continue to whine to you when the time comes for me to do so. Our CL/CH iss...

Bid adieu

    I have calmed down after bitching about things to my good friends. Thank goodness.     So anyway, I went to the airport to send Pei Sen off today. T3 looked kind of different from the last time I saw it. For a moment I thought I was in Hong Kong airport. It never crossed my mind that I would cry when I sent her off. Reasons: 1. I do not cry. 2. She is going to be away for merely half a year. Okay it is not like I cried in the end. But before she left for her flight, she suddenly ran to me and hugged me very tightly. I hugged her back and then she started tearing pretty badly. And so even though I did not cry, she had me choking on my tears in my throat for some time. This mad girl, she can be quite annoying at times but her kindness and unpredictable acts never fail to touch me. I hope she is going to enjoy herself there and of course, be treated nicely.  And yes, I concluded that I really hate sending people off.

Workload

When the workload starts piling up, you really don't know where to start. P.S.: Do things always have to turn out this way? I think I have lost the ability to distinguish right from wrong, I mean if there is even any parameters for both to begin with.

Distraction.

What was I thinking?