past.

nor dou mou zuo cuo xi. lei dim gai gam yong dui nor? lei tong nor zen hai hou peng you meh? hou peng you hai gam yong meh? yu guo hai hou peng you, dim gai nor mm hoi sam? lei tong nor gong. Forget it. lei hoi sam zao gao.

我仁慈的老师又把交卷日期延后了，但是我还是开始写了。五千字的作业，今天写了两千五，虽然只是一半，但我还是引以为荣。不知道下个星期要怎么过，好痛苦的一周。 我最后没有把老五和老六收在衣橱里。虽然他们让我想起一段我再也不想尝试挽回的友情，但是把他们丢在橱里太可怜了。所以我还是违背了自己昨天所说的。 糟糕，花痴病又犯了。我喜欢上了。。。。 他！ 但是这个喜欢不是喜欢阿武的喜欢，是喜欢古天乐的喜欢，喜欢峰峰的喜欢，喜欢阿泽的喜欢。你明白吗？ (I think my 匿名读者 will say I'm crazy after reading this. LOL.) So sad. The writer of pokemon passed away yesterday:(

It was awesome time spent with Rahil and Badd today. Time spent with them is probably one of the times when I feel the truest. I can speak without hesitation and almost not having to bear anything in mind. I've led an extremely slack and sinful day today by: 1. Watching 西游记 more than I should, cos' I was only supposed to watch 2 episodes to write my assignment. 2. Eating 1/8 bar of Cadbury marble chocolate after dinner. It was crazy. (but really damn nice) I hate myself lah. Tomorrow I'm going to keep 老五 and 老六 in the cupboard. Seeing them reminds me of a friendship I no longer want to try to salvage. I discovered it is true that people do get tired of trying. And so the moral is that, when someone tries to maintain a certain relationship with you, if you don't want to lose it all, reciprocate. If not, right, ignore. 眼不见为净. Tonight shall be the last night I'm sleeping with them (I think my bed will seem a little empty from tomorrow onwards). I hope I remember what I...

Ouch. 老师好残忍。作业本来下个星期一交。后来改成星期四。现在竟然又换成这个星期六！我都还没开始！！！五千字勒！真要命。我明天必须十万火急把它赶完了:( 这个星期真的好不容易熬过来。真的要多谢系里面的同学，他们真的帮我很多，都是好人:) This week I've spent time with Chew and Mel. May be short but I really appreciate and cherish such little time spent. Looks like I can't spend time with Ohanies this week... The Wanted's song is too awesome. I really enjoy it! I'd make a permanent reservation. Dear R, I miss you. I wished I could travel to the past and cherish you more.

I feel a very, very overwhelming surge of ambivalence today. Both are at their extremes. And today, it's not easy to achieve a balance. I think I'm losing the ability. And I'm hoping this will not affect me too much, in the sense cause me to lose control of my temper. I don't want to snap at people around me for no reason. I think I ought to be feel happier today. Feels freer after some workload removed. The talk of certain things will make me go into deep thoughts, still cause pain at the same part in me. Chatting with Badd makes me feel nostalgic, at the same time emotional because of the thought that some broken pieces haven't really been picked up. Dear R, I miss you already. I want to spend more with you before you go. I regret going into a cold war with you.

There are as many upsetting issues as happy ones and so I only want to record some good ones. Today I feel my day is relatively neutral despite the lack of sleep. Yesterday was really the most crucial time when I felt so much like crying but I managed to swallow everything down and get back on track. Hopefully all these will tide over real soon. 1. Thank you CHS major mates for helping me so much in my assignments. I don't know where else to get such helpful classmates seriously. 2. Thank you Ohanies for waking early to meet for breakfast as early as 8plus 9 today. I'm actually very touched by such an act. After all, which clique meets for breakfast on a lovely Sunday when you can sleep till noon? 3. Thank you Ohanies for compromising with me and spending more money on Mac breakfast. 4. Thank you YC for helping me pay for my supper first! Sorry ah! 5. Thank you bf and family for sending me home. The ride on the lorry was far too shiok especially when the air was so cooling!!! 6...

Any lawyer friends? Please contact me. Thanks.

This is such a big crisis. Can I, or we, tide over? It's so adding to my pressure and sadness.

I think this is the only and the best outcome:)

Still feeling the tension from watching the documentary. The last 2 parts of it are really impactful. The week has been a rush. And it hasn't really ended. The 2 days of weekend is going to be challenging. How to pack everything into 2 days is the question. (Don't ask me why I am blogging because I friggin' need the break!!!) And my sis has to come and tempt me with 峰峰's movie!! Crap. People who have watched or are going to watch please tell me about it. People who are interested but haven't watched please wait for me. Give me another 2 weeks!!! Spent my Monday to Thursday in school till 2130 with YR studying and doing assignments. Thankyou YR for going through this tough week with me!!! I am going to build a stronger mind now by believing that I can continue to complete another assignment now. And because I can do it, Nelson I know you can do it too! Takecare:) Last but so not the least, HAPPY BIRTHDAY AUNTIE RAINBOW!!!! :D

It's a perspective of the Tiananmen Massacre on 4 June. If you have the time to spare, try watching this documentary. (But only if you think you are okay with bloody scenes) I can't help but feel a little tensed yet worked up while watching. These are our fellow humans. http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=0938BF24000377A1 I promise it's likely to make you cry.

我怕我快妥协了。我怕我撑不了多久。

真的很怕过不了这一关。但我想都不该想。 为什么绕了一圈，你们还是要让我知道我再次被骗？谢谢，谢谢你们让我伤得更痛。从此以后我会更加害怕。那时，我以为冒了一身冷汗，噩梦就醒了。原来那只是噩梦的开始。 我曾希望你因我开心，但我竟因你不开心。 If there was one thing I'd pray for, it would be that you don't hurt me again or anymore.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHANG AND YONGGEEEEEEEE :) Had lunch with Yonggee and her master who is also my anonymous reader. MISS YOU MANY MANY 匿名读者！:D I felt it was rather productive today. Studied with YR in school till 2130 and managed to finish the report which is due next Monday. (Y) Feels a little more motivated now. And the thought of a last tutorial today makes me feel freer and relaxed. My mum is funny. Her man got very angry with her for drinking and she kept laughing about it. I know she's just very happy that someone cares for her :p The following notice is for ALL OHANIES: Dear Ohanies My 老五 is missing and I hope all of you will cooperate in helping me find him. Because his disappearance took place after the last stayover (which involved Angie YC and Zhi), all 3 of you are the prime suspects. But this does not rule out the possibility of other Ohanies as accomplices. If you have stolen my 老五, I will give you a grace period of 5 days to return him to me. Compliance to this will kee...

It was a considerably productive day at Chew's. Thankyou Auntie Chew for the meal :D Finally I saw Karen on Channel8 teevee once again!!! The last vivid recollection I had of her on my house teevee was during Star Awards in 2002! Ohmytian it's been 8 years. Still think she's gorgeous:D Life's been a rush but 不可以！要继续加油。 Quitting's out of the question.

Shirl texted just now and asked whether to meet and so I decided to go down since I've been MIA for a month (actually more). Had a good chat with her and Jo. I think I have really been missing for quite some time. But I really appreciate the initiative because I used to think I was the only one who asked them out instead (other than XY). Ok maybe I'm very wrong after all. In fact I've been disappearing for the longest time ever. I've changed. But this is not to say towards a bad character! Anyway I tried studying at Mac for a while (after knowing that sunshine boy studies at bk all the time this week) and it was quite effective! But I figured it is not wise to study in mac for more than 3 hours because I will need the toilet and I will not feel safe putting my bag there and leave for the toilet (typical Auntie mindset)! I accomplished a bit more than I ought to today. 厉害吧？

I finished one assignment! And there are another 3 or 4 more to go. This semester is madness really and I'm still trying. Karen had her autograph session at Bugis today! But I had to forgo :( She will be singing at Clarke Quay's Shanghai Dolly tomorrow and President's charity show on Sunday. And I'm just going to miss out on all these too. JIAYOU GL. I keep trying, cos' that's what I said I would do from the start. I hate how I always succumb to the dark side. Grrrr. Dear Nelson, takecare! Cyclops is strong (with or without Jean Grey). Wolverine will support you! :DDD

今天终于读完亦舒的《画皮》。它并不是《聊斋》故事中的那个画皮故事，但是同样有意思。我打从今年五月就开始读这本书。现在才读完的原因是因为每天只读一两页。确实学了不少，也有些反思。想想现在市面上的商业化公司或机构，好像真的都是跟美化个人有关——珠宝、服装、首饰、减肥中心、整容，甚至汽车。因为在今天这个社会，拥有一辆轿车对自己的身份地位好像也可以说明些什么。整容，对我而言，它是一个很有争议性的话题。不是说有对或错，完全看观点，也看个人需求吧？常听到“世上没有有女人，只有懒女人”这句话。有的女人为了追求漂亮，可以忍痛，在脸上动刀。我自问很怕痛，所以目前为止还没有这个勇气。有些人则说，“外表再美，没有内在美也没有用。”我觉得爱美是人的天性吧。谁不想有个漂亮的外观？有的人心地很好，但也会想要追求美丽。有的人长得美丽，心地也可以很好。反正就是，什么东西太多都不好。Too much of anything can make you sick. 人追求美丽无妨，不要过分追求就好。故事结尾出现一个全新的人物，而我也有一个新的领悟。其实长得五官端正就应该感到满足，至少我们还有一双能看得眼睛，能嗅的鼻子，能讲话的嘴巴和能听的两只耳朵。有些人不幸遇到意外，失去的不仅是容貌，也是眼睛、鼻子、耳朵或嘴巴的操作能力。丧失这些的人还能够活下来，这叫坚强。他们是美的，他们的美来自对生命的执著。我觉得我不丑，但我可以更美。 I think I could feel for the main character in the story when her very good friend fell for the man she liked. 她说：“人与人之间还是保持一段距离好”. Maybe it's true we cannot rush into certain things. Thing is, she gave up and found someone better. Went with YY for his interview and from the questions he told me about, I feel that it's imperative that I start reading newspapers on a more regular basis a...

逝者如斯夫，不舍昼夜。

Met Mrs. Gan today and we had a short chat just standing outside WM in front of Jollibean. It felt so nostalgic. I do miss talking to Mrs. Gan about everything and she's still the same old her who's interested in everything I say. I remember her very encouraging words on my test paper when I got full marks for the first differentiation test.

对人失去信心的那种感觉很无奈，很恐怖。我不知道我可以做些什么，可能一开始我就有错。除非认错，不然可能就没有办法解决。这两天我很压抑。很多复杂的情绪堆积在一起，心里很不是滋味。要是我向谁发了脾气，我很抱歉。我不作任何解释，因为我本来就有错。如果我说了不该说的话，我很抱歉。伤害已经造成，我只能说对不起。 我希望那个沉睡的东西永远都不要被惊醒。

Thank you very much Maxie for the box of Ferrero Rocher. Love it tons:) Today Dr. Nico Volland said I asked a good question. I actually feel good about it. Because the moment I stepped into NUS I've always felt that the questions I ask are often stupid questions. The last time I was complimented for something like this was in sec3 when Mr. Lau exclaimed "Good question!" when I asked something about atoms and molecules. I must be crazy hor?

当老师看到我在办公室外等他的时候，他“哈哈”笑了一声。一开始我以为他是讽刺。我想说“老师我对不起你”。但我没有。因为我知道他会说“你对不起的是你自己”。的确。我又给我自己机会对不起自己了。这叫一错再错，重蹈覆辙。我很感谢老师给我一个弥补错误的机会。毕竟不是每个人像我这么幸运，错了还有人给机会。我只能好好把握。虽然已经知道会有这样的下场，但是从老师口中知道更加难过。我不知道有没有人能够明白这件事对我的打击，也不知道有没有人能理解我刚才是多么想哭出来，但是谁能否了解都不重要，只有自己了解自己经历的才最重要。我恨我自己刚才跟老师的辩驳。我为什么辩驳？明明就是我错。我没有资格怨任何人，任何事。这条路是我选的，我就要走完。我悲愤。但我只能化悲愤为力量。我说我只能，因为我别无选择，我不想给自己其他选择。 P.S: Please do not leave comments with regard to this entry. Thank you.

Such a special day, I want to thank 10 people (or maybe 10 groups of people) for always being around! :) Not in any order of merit or significance! 1. Angie + YC + Zhi + Fel + Rui + YY + Maxie + Zhuang + Jason + SS = 10! Ohana:) 2. Chew! 3. Eric! 4. Nelson! 5. Bren! 6. Jia Ying! 7. CH major mates! 8. Rahil! 9. Watermelon! 10. Valane!

I can't contain my excitement so I must share. THERE'S X-MEN ON CHANNEL 5 TOMORROW NIGHT!!! But I have tuition -.-

To avoid misinterpretation derived from my entries, I decided I will TRY to be less ambiguous in my posts in future. Actually the only reason why I do not blog in too much details is because I don't want people to know what is happening in my life etc purely from my entries but instead ask me personally. If everyone knows everything about me via my posts then we don't have to communicate anymore! Moreover I believe the Internet is not a very safe place so it is best not to say talk about every little detail on blogger. My ambiguity is definitely not for suspension or left for readers to GUESS what I'm talking about. Frankly, most of the time when you ask me about my post, have I not shared? But still, I think there is a need to cut down on the ambiguity after noticing the small heyday caused recently. Let me try! HAPPY BIRTHDAY BADD!

Thank you for stopping me before it starts hurting:)

I've never wanted to run home so badly and urgently. I'm so sick of people asking me and laughing about it, even if it's not me who's involved. I wished people would just stop asking me, and leave me alone. The wound doesn't actually hurt anymore. But people just keep coming to me and forcefully opening up the wound and sometimes rub salt on it. 我真的还是会觉得痛的。 Cramps make my day worse. What a painful day. I tried changing my perspective but the pain is too physical to ignore.

As we spend more time together, I clearly know the prospects and the impossibilities. And that I will never give my 100% again. But I do realise my avarice. I sometimes hate myself for it. Sam, do you know you've made me very skeptical now? Imagine the trauma. 如果人必须为他们说过的话付钱，也许他们就会对自己说过的话负责任。 Nice catch up with Watermelon today:) I like how her life is so spiced up by special people. Mine is not bad too:) I just feel the taste gets a little bland when my plans are thwarted, and when certain things just have to creep in. I keep forgetting I am not the only one in existence.

http://www.straitstimes.com/BreakingNews/SEAsia/Story/STIStory_587349.html

有些是真的可以说得很简单，但我真的做不到。

All the happy thoughts.

Ever wondered what desperation really means? Try reading Yang Su's Mass Killings in the Cultural Revolution . Don't cry, these people are our fellow men. If we ought to be ashamed, we ought to be ashamed of ourselves.

Bf sorry! :p Caught 通天神探狄仁杰 just now. I think it was not that relevant to the historical background but still, the action pact sufficed especially since there's Andy Lau! I think Li Bing Bing's acting improved a lot. I hope there will be another similar show about Wu Zetian! P.S: Thank you YY for your financial tips! I think I saved up quite a lot these 2 weeks!:D   I'll keep trying, cos' that's what I said I would do from the start.

The ACRES exhibition was quite an eye-opener I should say, was expecting a larger scale exhibition though. You should make a trip there if you're free, good to learn something out of lesson once in a while:) I had my Auntie Anne's cinammon sugar pretzel finallyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. YUMMIES. But no second one because it's too expensive! But I'm contented enough to have satisfied my since-who-knows-when craving. And thank you YY very very much for giving up your mashed potato to me! Double yummies :p And then we had our nice nice taohui before heading for Kino. (I bought 2 books again whoops) I promise to be good. I will study hard!! Thank you YC and Zhi for wasting so much time with me looking for stickers. I bought 6 packs of different stickers! *waves stickers frantically* (Anyone who knows where to get really nice stickers esp felt ones but are not too costly pls pls pls let me know thanks!) And thank you Zhi for the dinner treat! Yummies! Overall it was a good day even th...

I easily spent a near thirty bucks at big bookshop on items not exactly stationeries but those that are cute =x STILL didn't manage to find my wooden pegs. SIAN. The girls came over last night and we didn't quite manage to accomplish what we were supposed to but still it was great company as always. BUT. We hardly slept a wink and now I'm half dead (or half-alive). And the flu bug got me! :( I'm not perfect. But I keep trying, because that's what I said I would do from the start.