past.

The very act of living is a tide, at first it seems to make no difference at all, and then one day you look down and see how much pain has eroded. Back for guides once again. I'm really glad to say I'm enjoying working with this batch of leaders, much better than the previous. I bet the Sec3s hate me. Look at how they diao at every single word I say. Oh well.. Going for guides is when I feel I'm all alone.. If Jia Hui Mel Sheena SiNi Nicolle Esther Hui Min are all around, I have so much I could share with them. We can gossip together, scold together, torture the girls together. Saddistic but yes, I really enjoy guiding with them. I can close my eyes and recall the guiding days, and then I feel that they are with me. But when I go for guides meetings, I miss them so much. I wished they would go through these with me. Then I wouldn't feel hurt even if the juniors don't appreciate my committment, or give me lousy attitude. All these would be nothing to me, because I ha...

Life sometimes get so bogged down in the details you forget you are living it. There is always another appointment to be met, another bill to pay, another symptom presenting, another uneventful day to be notched onto the wooden wall. We have synchronised our watches, studied our calendars, existed in minutes, and completely forgotten to step back and see what we've accomplished. Alright, so my brother flew off to Amsterdam last night. He should be there already. But he hasn't called. For the first time in my life I think, my brother actually put his arm around me when we took a picture at the airport. And he looked like he was going to hug me before he went in, but he didn't. He hugged my mum and she was so reluctant to let him go. And then, SHE CRIED. Okay, I expected that. And then my brother looked like he was going to cry too. I always thought my mum is weird. It's merely 6 months! What's there to be sad about? Then I realised.... Yes, I won't see my brother...

No more reservations. For once, I want to just say whatever I feel like saying, okay? I feel that I'm a bottle filled with all the things I keep to myself and I think I really need to empty myself before I suffocate. Yes, even though my blog is a private one, even though only some readers are allowed to visit, still, I have had my reservations. I'm so tired. I'm so tired of hiding from everyone, for hiding my true emotions in front of family friends etc. I'm so sick of a life like this. I got so insane I actually thought of several ways to end my life. But yes, I AM NOT SO STUPID. Or, I don't even have the courage. Perhaps I haven't been an expressive person. I really don't know how to articulate my feelings without being sensitive to my family or friends' feelings. I feel that I am so childish, so immature. But I don't know why I always end up feeling hurt when I try not to hurt others. Angie said that no matter what happens, Ohanas will always be m...

I'm not unhappy. But I haven't been happy for a good 3 weeks. I think I'm soon forgetting how it feels like to be unhappy.. Finally a meet up with good friend Bren last night, out of boredom, though. One moment life ties me up with all the darned work, and then the next, it takes away all that I have, leaving me an empty shell. I would stop going to school to teach as fast as I could. I promise teaching is not my cup of tea. It's a noble task and it shouldn't fall upon someone like me. Students get on my nerves and are causing me to lose my voice. They ask the colour of my bra, if I am married, how many boyfriends I have, as if these are all their business. It's not fun. DON'T GIVE ME ADVICE, because I don't need any.

The voice of reason keeps harping on the fact that I'm just trying to prove that I'm capable. What are you doing GuoLian, what are you doing..

Finally remember to post pictures taken at Vivo countdown..