past.

I don't know how much this means to me. Maybe not a lot, despite the fact that I've cried over it. But I want to know how much this means to you. For these couple of years, I admit, I've always stood on his side, seldom yours. That's because I can tell that he contributes more, and he makes much more sacrifices than you do. I hope he gets the rightful reward he deserves. But then again, I know sometimes I don't understand what you're going through. Maybe I don't even bother to ask. But when I ask, you don't seem to give me an answer that comes right from the bottom of your heart. What is it that I can do to help you? To help him? Or should I not interfere? One thing I am certain of, if the worst happens, I probably dare not face him anymore. Why on earth do I have to go through this right from the start again. It's tortuous to a certain extent, even though it may not concern me that much.

Vicious cycle. We just can' get out of it. Why. Why.

Why do all my beliefs turn their backs on me all the time? Once again, I have to fight my tears and pray that everything's going to be ok.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YI XUAN. :D We may have appeared in the same place, or boarded the same double decker bus, or signed in to MSN but appeared offline, or bought the same thing at the same shop. But if we weren't supposed to meet each other on the same road, we won't. Seeminly I'm beginning to confirm my feelings a little and recognise what I really want. The miles are getting longer, it seems The closer I get to you. I've not always been the best man or friend for you. But your love, remains true. And I don't know why. You always seem to give me another try. So I'm going home Back to the place where I belong And where your love has always been enough for me. I'm not running from. No, I think you got me all wrong. I don't regret this life I chose for me. But these places and these faces are getting old.

I realised I forgot to blog about yesterday! Met Shaun supposedly at 9.15a.m on the bus but became 10a.m. outside NH. He was fuming mad because of the super irregular frequencies of the buses! :/ So anyway, we went around the school to look for Mrs Kee's traces but to no avail. And as always, most of the teachers who know us mistook us for an item even after we've clarified last year and the year before. Finally, we saw Miss Loo! She's always the most reliable source ;) After combing the whole school, and with Miss Loo's enlightenment, yes, Mrs Kee was actually in that hidden dance studio which has been changed to a classrooom(the only air-conditioned one). The cute little kids were all waiting for Mrs Kee to dismiss them for recess. BUT because they didn't finish their corrections for Math paper, NO RECESS. Aha. And as usual, Mrs Kee never fails to treat Shaun and I like his monitor and monitress. We had to arrange her students' Math papers according to index n...

It's an irritating night. I don't know why. I've screwed up prelims but this question that's confronting me now is far worse than any question I've come across during prelims. Maybe you've taken your pick. Maybe you knew it all along. Maybe I was just too hopeful, too optimistic. We shall all pause here and think through before even thinking of foolishly moving on. The rest can wait. The future can wait, since the consequence is in its cause and we have to recognise the effect before we put anything into action. I was never a patient person and I probably won't wait too long. But I'll abide by the standard and timeframe I set for myself. 就到这.

Let's see. It's been about 12 days since I last posted an entry. Have you been waiting for me to blog? Yes YOU, the one reading this now. Okay. Pardon me. I'm a little nuts these days. Even Mengli says my 笑点很低. Maybe prelims have driven me nuts. BUT, even if so, prelims have finally come to an end and I can openly declare freedom. Nice. I shan't go into details how the various papers were. I shall just say I screwed almost every single one and I have no confidence of getting a single A on my report this time. Slack, I have been so, so slack. Oh yes. My cookies are finally a success(I hope they are considered so) after 3 tries. Thanks to my sis who helped quite a lot. And the 3 faithful and supportive guinea pigs, whoops I mean critics, who tried those that turned out to be a flop. First we have Miss Angie Neo who commented upon the first try: "很像 cake leh." Then we have Miss YC who commented: "跟我做的一样" (which actually meant failure) Finally we have Mr...

Summary for the papers taken this week: GP was okay, I'm just hoping for a high pass. Math, quite confident of getting a B, worst, C. Nothing worse than that please. CLL lit -- goner. Woot. 12 Lotus was just a little disappointing. :( The plot, to be precise. Can't seem to catch the climax and too much ambiguity in the ending, which Yu Han criticised quite harshly. Nevertheless, AhWU's acting has improved yet again :D Yu Han beside me was using up Huimin's packet of tissue papers. Whoops. P.S: Still, I want to thank Nelson for helping me win the tickets! THANK YOU! :D Quite an unpleasant dispute with Zhi that day, over a super trivial matter. Thankful enough, she came running after me when I stomped out of school. If she didn't take the initiative to sort things out, things would have been on the rocks or at least, left unsolved. Phew. I did do some self reflection after that. It kept my mind preoccupied for a couple of days. There are some flaws about myself that I...

The surge of dissatisfaction and anger just doesn't go away. In fact, I'm on the verge of tears because I can't stomach this. Yes. I cannot swallow it. I cannot accept it. I cannot bring myself to go along with what others think. Why? Why on earth HER? She has the qualities to be contingent commander? Of all people, HER? For all that I've done for the unit, she gets the credits. She gets the compliments. All the honour and prestige are bestowed on her and then, what about me? "MOST POTENTIAL"? How am I supposed to accept this? No, it wasn't an excuse when I gave up on H3 CLL. I didn't give up that subject just because it was a burden to my current subject combination. I really, did it for the unit. But reality proved to me that my decision was way too wrong. Even if not for 2 years, my 1 year worth of efforts have gone down the drain. I did put my heart and soul into what I did for the company, but I couldn't even get a decent endorsement. Now her ...

Long day in school yesterday and after dismissal from Math extra lecture, met Melissa at WM. Nice time catching up until..... 黄老师(the CTSS one) called me and asked me where I was. I couldn't sense his urgency so I was joking with him. Then finally he brought up the main point. "你的妹妹在学校玩,不小心跌到,门牙掉出来,我们现在在牙医诊所,牙医在帮她放回门牙." Dang! Melisa(who ran faster than me) and I rushed down to the dentist to see my sis. When we stepped into the dental clinic, my goodness. The drilling sound instilled so much anxiety and fear in me can! Waited for a good long hour thereabout before I got to see my sis. She couldn't even open her mouth/laugh with the 3 jabs injected in her 3 teeth earlier. I'm going to be her slave for 3 weeks and like what the dentist said, I have to pamper her. "If she wants to have KFC, you have to tear the meat for her." This is what I get for bossing my sis around all the time. :) Thank you Melissa and Jia Hui who were around to see my sis. :D Yan Hon...