past.

i really want to use the com very badly. so please allow me to blog. =xx track playing: the reason. okies dokies. today's papers made me so diffident. i'm gone case. CHINESE - supposed to be guolian's best subject? but this will be the first time in history, THAT GUOLIAN FAILS CHINESE. i desperately hope i'm not saying HI to sec3 AGAIN? god bless me man. sick! absent on tue! like WA?! second record of the year. i wasn't supposed to be proud of that though. i need sleep very badly. i love my bed. i love my pillow. i love my bolster. well, a surprise for me today. why did you appear in my dream and destroy it? you used to replace the loneliness in my heart with joy. but now you have replaced the happiness with EMPTINESS. i hate it. sorry. please blame me.

let this be the last time i'm blogging till my exams end. okay. SEVEN people at dining table just now. lovely isn't it? ha. my 2 sisters , my bro and .... HIS MAHJONG FRIENDS. dooodooodooo. anyway, woke up at usual time this morning. met my fellow girls at clementi at 7. took train with them to raffles place. song bo?! first time took such early train! and obviously, i missed my powerpuff girls again. lol. so well, we started our ' stroll '. set off with jinyan and wenyan . then nini , shien and suhyee pei us. 'leaders corner'. thanks girls, for the very constructive talk. i appreciated it. i'm sure all of us did. went to study with jiahui , mel and jiemin . and ya, i STUDIED. lol. jiahui: thanks for noticing me when she was talking about her family problems! i hope my shoulders are indeed comfortable! L.I.VE.S.T.R.O.N.G! take care! (: mel: never mind about those dao-ness la. is i talk cock la. just frown less and LAUGH more. like how you did at ...

it's time to forget. just had my dinner. as usual, alone. out of 7 days in a week, i eat at the same table with my family only once - saturday. yea, family. but not a WHOLE one. can't really recall when's the last time 7 of us ate a decent meal together. ha. this is my life. and yea, today's dinner particularly sucks. can't digest the food. probably because my heart is bleeding.. IT'S FRIDAY, finally. p.e was great, seeing zhuang wei run in such funneh manner. and junhong , almost couldn't have father's day ! hahah! can you believe it? i actually dozed off at chinese remedial. lol. but yuyuan , zirui and max woke me up with their 'powers' . hahah. had workshop after that. extreme BOREDOM okay. i thought my english is bad enough. he's not any better. =x but so what? people is PROFESSOR leh. me neh? PROFESS-IONAL at FAILING and SLACKING . hai, failure. i don't wish to turn and look. my eyeballs didn't want to roll in that directi...

okay, i'm starving. but, sad. maid's asleep. mum's out. on top of that, my lazy limbs are stopping me from checking out for biscuits in the kitchen. i'm like so guilty?! bleahs. this is so bad okay. i have slacked the whole day! have not finished my maths paper when there are a lot more questions. oh i'm so dead alright. finally caught shi wan dun qing ren again! aha! it's like getting to the climax again! but won't be able to watch any further. oh damn. EXAMS. i don't know if i sense a change in me. i know people do. well. i just feel that this is natural. i didn't deliberately shape my identity or something? i don't like to be interrogated. it's not as if i'm a criminal? i don't like to be bombarded with questions that i hate to answer because i have to hesitate so much. i feel so mistrusted. oh yea. i can't miss this out. yesterday got back maths test paper. FULL MARKS. won my MOTIVATOR, TAN JUN RONG . oh man. THREE CHEERS F...

i'm INFLATED . because we expressed too much of GRATITUDE towards MRS JOYCE TAN ! hahah! well. had a wonderful time! mrs tan treated us to pizza hut ! got jiahui , limin , yinghao , tecky , huiling and singchun ! we were SUPER BLOATED. even YINGHAO okay?! mrs tan really DAMN NICE can?! she ordered soooooo muchhhhh for us, worrying that we did not have enough. wa biang eh! I LOVE HER! then the last few pieces of food we really couldn't stuff them down. so resorted to last method. ZHONG JI MI MA! hahah. damn funneh. everyone tio-ed! keke. especially yinghao eh! tio-ed the number the moment the game starts! hahah! =xx i'm super bloated now! but today's dinner will be my favourite meatball porridge! sia la. can't eat anymore le! =xx to jiahui: CHEERIOS! ((: i will give you my fullest support and all my power! thought of the day .. the key to scoring for maths is to have a challenger as a motivator. my motivation is TAN JUN RONG . because AMITABHA is too high...

this time, i can't even confide in my best friend.

i'm pissed. my stupid dog just stepped on me. even a dog bullies me. dying of excruciating back pain. been hurting for 2 days. can hardly bend down my head now. i don't know how long more i can hold on. already lost at what i'm doing. what's with myself putting '!' when replying people's messages? it's like so FAKE ? since last night, my mood's all gone. if not for that call, i wouldn't know what you are thinking all along. i really hate you. you're making me loathe school more and more. unmotivated to study for my eoy exams. i feel so sick, so weak.

i don't want to deceive myself. but wo zhen de bu kuai le.

can hardly keep my eyes open during remedial just now. lol. and kinmun was super funneh. she arrived 2 minutes before remedial ended! =xx somewhat i ain't fit to be a patrol leader after all. just a simple task. and i failed to accomplish it. don't know if they're going to blast at me when they know about it. USELESS too. yesterday's event was considered a success? i should think so, since ang said so. but i seriously didn't help much. they were the ones. i merely walked around and zuo bo. maybe i should not be too involved in this kind of activites in future. i'm really tired. but it's like i can NEVER finish my work. for the first half year, i cried so much. nowadays, i just want so much to cry out all my misery. but i can't. i don't know what's holding me back. i'm such a hypocrite. i lied. talk to me, would you?

gastric's acting up again. i know it's been hard on you people. let's wait till 10.30 p.m and see what mr lau says. i have a bad feeling though. i'm tired too, okay.

CL = MEL! ACL = JIAHUI! FIRST AIDER = SAM SAM! PLS! DOVE = UNDER PROBATION. FLOWERPECKER = STHERIE! ORIOLE = SHEENA! SPARROW = SINI! SWALLOW = HUIMIN! KINGFISHER = GUOLIAN!!! (((((: not being complacent okay! just contented! (: finally another WHITE STRIPE on my uniform. (: anyway, slaps myself for saying those words. not sad, not disappointed. but super scared. totally don't know what to do. who to say to.

i guess yinghao is right. TIME FLIES. i didn't like 3d1o5 . but now, still okay ba. much better i guess. though still don't have that sense of belonging. must hesitate when i step into the classroom. lol. i just have this feeling that i'm going to flunk my eoy so badly. =/ a-maths , my FAVOURITE subject, is getting tougher. chem , the subject i THOUGHT was INTERESTING , is getting boring. chinese , one subject i really like, is getting challenging. english , a subject i used to be QUITE good at, is getting crushed under me because of my lousy interpretation skills. social studies , that fearful subject that makes me SHIVER, is getting SCARIER . i want to just shut myself up in a room and study all the way. but i can't. there's always something that's bothering me. one's mind is to be clear when meditating. i guess that will only mean i can't ever meditate. no offence, but i'm really fucked up .

grr. i kept brushing my teeth but it's no use. i kept complaining of headache and my mum just made me gulp down a bowl of PIG'S BRAIN SOUP . bloody hell. it's the WORST thing i have ever tasted okay?! pui! okay. maybe she's wrong. even her mum thinks she's wrong. but it's not as if she wants it that way. she's already unfeeling to everything around her. arh. what to do? STUDY. the only way to keep her mind occupied? ha. a little bit of motivation here and that. thanks people. (: some names do not have to be mentioned. because they are placed in some special parts of the mind. ((:

OKAY, SCHOOL STARTS TOMORROW. i loathe it. really loathe it. finished my hols homework, DUH. packed my bag, DUH. I HAVE NOT ENJOYED! damn. "WAKE ME UP, WHEN SEPTEMBER ENDS." like, how true? nah. i'll make a change. WAKE ME UP WHEN SCHOOL ENDS. =xx then probably i'd be sleeping till the end of time! this is crazy. got to bring a truckload of HEAVY BOOKS to school tomorrow. BLOODY THICK PHYSICS TEXTBOOK. ANNOYING-LY WIDE GEOGRAPHY TEXTBOOK AND WORKBOOK. SOCIAL STUDIES TEXTBOOK FOR MEL . wouldn't it be lovely if all contents in textbooks are computerised? that must be marvellous. school starts tomorrow. GOD BLESS.

seeing those gross blood on her coarse hands. i feel so sick. nauseous you could say. 8 fingers out of 10, injured. the third finger especially, bleeding profusely. because the vein has broken. i really got to learn REAL first aid skills one of these days. i have a sacred mission. SAVE MY MUM. ):

my periods are like finally here after 3 months? lol. but i hate it. CRAMPS! stupid. i am worried when it's not regular. i am irritated when it comes. grrr. today, 10 september , marks the first year of my parents not talking. yea, 1 year already. they didn't talk AT ALL okay. lol. hmmm. whatever.. and yup. it's my dear shu shu cum brudder cum best friend, SHAUN QUEK 's 15th birthday. (: that guy must have gone out with girls again. LOL. i finished my hols homework. WOW. first time completed before last day of hols. WOW again. hee.

I WISHED I HAD A MOTIVATION. ONE THAT MAKES ME STUDY. or i'll just fail my eoy so badly. HELP.

went to school for lessons today! chinese first! sian uh! she lectured and lectured. heh. =xx then after that huang lao shi taught us the chuan deng again. heng heng i never kana sabo-ed. hee. lunched at KELLY'S FANCLUB ! in short, KFC ! hahaha. super funneh. with jiahui , mel , limin , sther , stheng and tsuhui . almost late when we returned to school for physics lesson! heh. sian de leh. 2 hours man! during the 10 minutes break, i had a good sleep. haha. then after that very jing shen le. after which, mel , limin , sther and i went to chinatown! it was great fun! hahah! but now i kept smelling tea! =xx realised i have no time to study for eoy le! no more slacking! I WISH!

went to SPH ! SUPER FUN CAN?! wa biang eh! it's bloody nice ! all kinds of beautiful words i can use to describe this wonderful trip! hee. met them at clementi this morning. a bit the attitude la. then screamed at yinghao . sorry uh ah hao. =xx then took train there. whole journey like 1 hour? the place there super nice. air conditioned de la of course. the shirt very nicenice . cuteness! hee. the talk was great. especially the entertainment one! great to hear that my zhang xue you is so friendly. keke. in fact all the talks were good. not at all boring. had lunch with them! how nice ! 26 of us sitting so closely together and enjoying our meals even though were just plain chicken rice. keke. watching mv at the same time. haha. the talk on accidents really rock kkz. sounded so challenging to me! i'm really interested siarh. heh. the photography one also very shiok man. saw derrick ....'s face ONLY. not in person. hahah. i think the best part was the presentation! "...

MISS LIM ROCKS! hee. 9 hours of remedial became 3 hours . keke. should i say she's efficient or nice? 3 units in 3 hours. wonderful! hee. we had a lot of breaks in between. i was so goldfish man. listened with my mind asleep. heh. =xx lunched at liu jian's ! in short, LJS . hahaha. with sinsin , jiemin , yinghao , tecky , tiff , bteng and kinmun . ate so long can. haha. then went to get something for xiuying . along the way we were sot la. especially yinghao . keep zuo-ing xiao guo. hahah. then went to daiso. siao de na. took the trolley then play play play. people think we crazy. hahah. in the end bought nothing! so in order to avoid any paiseh-ness, we anyhow buy something each. keke. went to giant! just wanted the air con. hee. we took the trolley again to put all our bags. yinghao play play play then tecky accidentally hit him with the trolley. his face immediately turned red then kept complaining painful. oh ya oh ya. sinsin , jiemin and i bought something. very fun...

hit my head so hard against the desk this morning. PAIN OKAY! almost had CONCUSSION . jason 's word. =xx and almost became retarded. but didn't okay. still as smart as ever. hee. ate too much chilli le! very bad gastric now. heh. =/ breakfast+lunch+dinner = chilli. bleahs. hiong na. weather today very the cold? but nice for sleeping eh. hee. been so slack today. the thought of tomorrow's remedial makes me puke. =x NINE hours of geography. LOL. slacking and slacking and slacking. i feel like catching a movie. i feel like shopping. i feel like going to the beach. hai.

finally i'm back using my com! have been using da jie's laptop. then she nagged and nagged. bleahs. now the new com screen damn big and bright. keyboard and mouse very nice. keke. most importantly i can listen to songs le! ((: oh well. i've been feeling so tired for the whole day. want to sleep eh! but cannot la. i want to EAT. and WATCH TEEVEE. hee. yuan lai i want to talk to you also so hard. because i'm always worried we will end up in a quarrel. ha. come to think of it, very true. lol.

went to the business survival workshop today. we were the only ones invited. how HONOURED . hah. at first the lecture was really sian. but the facilitators from SMU were very cool. almost all spike hair de. hah. my facilitator esther and steve very cute. mel de also. the hair like derrick 's. hee. then uh during the lecture, got one guy suddenly stood up and started yelling at the guy sitting behind him. yuan lai that guy kept irritating him. but he sot la. yelled in front of all of us. worst thing was he scolded FUCKER . lol. want throw face also don't need like that ma. lol. some more when he finished yelling he sat down and GRINNED. obviously an ATTENTION SEEKER. lol. the bread tycoon game was great. challenging man. but a bit the hard to earn profit siarh. lunch was chicken rice. expected. hahah. but had a really SLOW meal with mel , zirui , zhiwei and felicia . hee. commercial was funneh la. especially breadonald de. but we were the best la. BREADILICIOUS. nice nice....

intensive study? nah. not exactly. was just faithfully studying since like 10 a.m? finished my homework. not last minute anymore. hee. she's not leaving. (: watching project superstar. okay, derrick is quite cute. but i don't like kelly. =/ time to study for chinese test. dooodooodooo.