past.

Something to remember: Yesterday during lesson, Yanli, Janvin and I did something pretty stupid on our notes. I had a good laugh.   I think sometimes school isn't really about attending classes solemnly and completing assignments. It's about doodling in class and making fun of pronounciations.   These are the happy moments that I want to remember about school after I graduate.

刚才随手接过林立老师的一本书。是最近出版的。应该是老师出的第一本书。 打开书的第一页，上面写着： “给志敏和方怡”。 So sweet。 再翻，是序言。说的主要是老师怎么开始写这本书，还有感谢同事、图书馆的职员等等。话说，我还真的是第一次看到序里面作者感谢图书馆职员的帮助。序言写得非常贴近生活，很有感觉。 最后一段好像是这么写的： “最要感谢的是内人志敏。没有她的支持真的不行。家里大小事务有她打理。出这本书之前，还诞下小女方怡。这仿佛是上天给的恩赐。” 看完这一段，我的泪水在眼眶里打转。 我说真的。 这种感动，远远超过看《溏心风暴》这类家庭剧所能触及的感动。

I was just hoping to be treated more fairly. I turned a deaf ear to the doubts because I had no intentions to ensue a war. I have been dragging my feet to school and back home because I'm so tired from everything. Thus, all I ask for is understanding and peace. Contrary to my beliefs, what I get on top of school workload are addition to my woes and invasion of my space. Actually school work is really, really not what gets me down. What does is not being understood. Very frankly speaking, if there is anything I could ask for right now, I want a twelve-hour uninterrupted sleep.   I might get a mental breakdown anytime from now.   And may I just encourage myself again, jiayou gl. By the way, I really can't wait to fly out of here.

 Dear 吳明士     This is for you! Have a blessed birthday and I hope you will not have Monday blues today :)   Love 莎菲 To self: This is my first attempt at a stop motion production and I think it is pretty lousy. I shall practise more after my exams!

好久沒那麽用功了。但是覺得這種用功來得有點遲。 還是覺得自己做得不好。

远方天空 云层遮盖了前往方向 迷失在黑暗之中 天使问我 手中握紧不放的是什么 我说 寻找梦想的灯火 有时我 会失去力量 再艰难的旅途也要骄傲的走过 眼前的世界 音乐演奏中 不停挑战我 就算曾悲伤过 我要的世界 梦想在怀中 未来呼唤我 相信我会 坚强的 走到最后 人生会有 疲惫想放弃的时候 看不清路的尽头 天使身后 太阳叫醒希望的翅膀 那是 未来伸出的双手 失去过 相信的力量 再艰难的旅途也要骄傲的走过 —— Elva，《我要的世界》 致我所有在努力的朋友。

I always think it is a pity to spend Fridays at home because Friday marks the start of a weekend and it will be nice to spend it crazily outside. My Friday today, however, is mostly spent at home because I don't feel very well and I have a 5000-word essay that I resolve to finish by tomorrow (technically today since it is already past midnight). But it is supposed to be a public holiday so my Friday didn't feel like Friday after all and so I'm not upset that I spent the day at home. I am barely halfway into my essay but I shall, I SHALL, finish it tomorrow!

盒子裏只剩下兩顆。 也許我也只是想證明我的一概而論終究是對的。

在這種做不完功課又吃錯東西的時候，就只想吃碗熱騰騰的粥暖一暖肚子，然後繼續衝刺。

I open my eyes I try to see but I’m blinded by the white light I can’t remember how I can’t remember why I’m lying here tonight And I can’t stand the pain And I can’t make it go away No I can’t stand the pain How could this happen to me I made my mistakes I’ve got no where to run The night goes on As I’m fading away I’m sick of this life I just wanna scream How could this happen to me Everybody’s screaming I try to make a sound but no one hears me I’m slipping off the edge I’m hanging by a thread I wanna start this over again So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered And I can’t explain what happened And I can’t erase the things that I’ve done No I can’t How could this happen to me I made my mistakes I’ve got no where to run The night goes on As I’m fading away I’m sick of this life I just wanna scream How could this happen to me     I was reminded of how I broke down and lived in my own world and drowned myself in Simple Plan's songs during college days. And I rememb...

And so my presentation for my favourite lecturer's module has ended. I would think that it was a very bad one, because we did not put in enough effort. Nevertheless, I was very touched by how LL defended us and told the class that they must not kill our morale by giving crude remarks. His words, along with the end of the presentation, brought a lull to the war of thoughts in my head that had been ongoing since the day began. I never heaved such a big sigh of relief. I think that really reflected how pressurized I had been because of this project, not forgetting how I broke down just a couple of days back. I cannot thank the people around me enough for texting me to wish me all the best for a presentation as simple and typical as this. I mean, these people actually remembered! Then again, I really hate how weak I had been and I really hope to work on this side of myself, even though I have reminded myself countless times.   Well yes, one down. And miraculously my headache ...

Something I didn't mention, Zhi and I won movie tickets to the premiere of Bait and we went with yl and yonggee. I would say the movie was much better than I had expected. I thought the 3D effects were really good, and as a matter of fact, I hardly enjoy 3D movies. I have learnt something new about 3D films today after having read AhWU's article in zaobao. I really like AhWU's role in the film even though he died too early. I think the death of Steven (AhWU's role) is really meaningful and I really, really liked it. I think he was scripted to die that manner because AhWU has a kind and noble look :)

In retrospect, I shouldn't have allowed myself to wallow in self-pity yesterday.   But yeah, I did anyway. However, I think that enabled me to feel the love around me. Really appreciate all the messages and encouragement from friends. Thank you!   I do feel better after having visited the doctor. Maybe it is psychological, but whatever. Thank you Zhi for having lunch with me. And thank you ZR for coming to school to accompany me knowing that I did not want to be alone today. And thank you B2 for the very big bag of snacks to relieve my stress. It is little meet-ups like these that liven me up and push me to go on.   I am extremely worried and skeptical about next week. But I will press on!

http://youtu.be/LUt4aPXV9rI   Finally. After 7 years, Blue's new single is out again :')   Now I understand why yl cried when she heard a1's new single last week. The first thing that came to mind was, "They are back." As a matter of fact, when I saw Simon's tweet twenty minutes ago and immediately navigated to Youtube to listen to the new single, I teared too. I think people who have never been fangirls will not be able to relate to this.   This is different from 2009's Eurovision song 'I Can' because that song was merely written and performed for the contest. This time, it is a new album and it is what I have been waiting for!   After wishing it on every birthday for the past few years, it has finally come true! :)   I am such a lucky girl.

And so, most of my propositions were repudiated (again) and, I have to start from zero again. Of course it is not so nice a feeling but I choose to believe that we will eventually have everything finalised and done properly when the time comes. Now is certainly not the time to feel demoralised nor vulnerable. There are too many things to be done! I don't deny that I'm extremely tired these days and many times I am so close to giving up on myself and my assignments, but I guess it does help a lot to encourage the people around me and to constantly remind myself that it is of imperative to enjoy the process of learning, and which I'm still working on.   JIAYOU GL!!!   JIAYOU FRIENDS!!!

Feel like watching X-Men series all over again!!!

I realised I like to have my font in white whenever I feel a sense of inferiority and vulnerability. It's not nice to bottle up everything or to feel negative about things around me, yes I know that. But if you are not me (and yes which you are not), I'm unable to tell you what I'm going through too. I'm not saying that what I'm undergoing is worse than anyone out there. And it doesn't really help to tell me that there are people who are feeling worse. I can only say that there is a limit to everyone and anyone's patience and perhaps, mine is just hitting the peak of the scale. It is pretty sad to be questioned by my mum everyday when I am merely busy with school work or tuition and nothing else. I was genuinely happy for a moment yesterday when I took all my dangdangs out, only to hear from my brother that he needs my room. I thought I was going to enjoy some peace after she's gone for her exchange but looks like things are not yet going my way. And I h...

1) Dear dang dangs You regain your freedom today because the person who drove you all away will be gone for half a year! :D Your owner 2) I decided I have been in lousy mood for too long so I needed a change somewhere. Hence I went for a haircut and I guess I do feel better now! 3) I had a feeling today I was going to find a shirt which I have misplaced and couldn't find for more than a year. True enough, when I got home, I found it! I think my Jean Grey powers are working again!!!

I remember I promised Max that I would play sports more regularly when this sem starts, so that I would be more occupied with something healthy and be less pessimistic about everything around me. I won't say I have been playing very regularly, but I do quite enjoy myself during badminton games because it is a good avenue for me to relieve stress or to interact with my friends. Unfortunately, the overwhelming workload and the stress that results really devour me, all the time. I'm not sure if that's because I don't have a strong mind. I am just so tired. I have had really poor appetites these days, I feel like sleeping even when I'm showering, I get giddy when I'm already lying on bed. How on earth? And it's not helping that my mum doubts that I have lesson when I return home late. That aside, I realise little things like friends have gradually stopped saying goodbye when they leave for another class, or we simply don't lunch together that frequently anym...

Okay I just want to say... Because of people who do not understand simple Chinese (when they were supposed to since they like to claim that their Chinese is so high up there), I only managed to finish compiling the work NOW. Oh yes by the way I judge, especially if you are 482.

今天听了第一组的presentation之后，突然觉得很沮丧。别人准备得这么仔细，这么有深度。再对比自己的一事无成，突然就很想举白旗。后来林立老师开始讲课，提到一首纳兰性德的词的时候，眼睛竟然开始泛泪。也不知道是词太感人了，还是因为自己内心近来积累了太多太厚的复杂情绪，所以上课时特别感性。但，我一向就没有理性的一面？ 还有差不多五个星期，这个学期就结束了。但迎面而来的却是堆积如山的论文。不知道该期待些什么。

Frankly, I am not coping so well with the increasing intensity and stress from the pile of work, and almost everything else. But I'm still trying.

我真的真的真的好想念阿武的。好久沒看他的戯，也很久沒聽到他的消息！所以這周的雜誌真的讓我有點喜出望外（Thanks Mic!）。真的好喜歡這次的專訪。這次談及的事都是我一直很希望別人能夠了解阿武的地方，包括他說自己並不帥。其實我一向也都不會說阿武帥，因爲他確實只是一般。但我就是喜歡他。他總是讓我覺得he enjoys every role that he is given, be it big or small。這次的專訪也很有感覺，說出了很多我心裏的話，都是我能夠深深體會的。也許因爲我覺得我很像他。他是個常被誤解的人。我希望討厭他的人能夠認認真真地看他演戲才下判斷。 好期待他的新片子！好想念你啊！

  I would say, much as the Malacca field trip did not feel so much like one, I did enjoy myself very, very much. Duh! First of all, I think Prof. Lee was very nice in that he picked a very good hotel for us and included quite a few shopping sessions in the itinerary. I mean, he jolly well could have made us go there for one day and return but he really gave us the opportunity to enjoy while we were supposed to be there solely for an educational purpose. The tour guide and coach driver were really nice and patient with us. The hotel was so fantastic that Yanli and I did not want to leave. Yes, of course, the shopping grounds were so overwhelming we probably did not even manage to clear a third. Malacca has a rich historical culture and snapping photographs there really feels a lot more meaningful and interesting. Although I still have my reservations for some of the claims made by the museum staff, I think there is no doubt that Cheng Ho has created rather significant impacts o...

今早的雨好大。 我一如往常地走到巴士站等车。 一个衣着整齐的父亲左手握着雨伞，右手抱着五岁左右的女儿奔到车站。 那时我在想，是不是所有父亲都这么有力？ 把女儿抱到车站后，把她放下，然后又握着雨伞跑了。 起初觉得很奇怪。 后来抬头看看对面。原来他接老婆去了。 两人抱得很紧。都是一手搂着对方的腰，一手握着雨伞的把。 把老婆接来后，父亲扫扫女儿的头。大概是不想女儿头上有雨水，否则会生病。 女儿很可爱。又大又亮的双眸天真无邪地看着父亲。 突然一阵巨响。雷声好大。女儿吓得跳起来，立刻抱着父亲的大腿。 父亲弯下腰摸摸女儿的脸，说：“怕怕吗？” 女儿猛点头。 父亲再摸摸她的头，说：“不怕，爸爸给你勇气。” 原来有时失意害怕的时候，需要的不是爱你的人出现在眼前帮忙解决问题。 需要的是爱你的人给你勇气面对问题。

昨天搭车上学的时候，在路上看到一排树，树叶都变红了。 感觉很像秋天。虽然没经历过秋天，但一直很向往。看着一颗颗“红树”，人也感觉舒服些。 直到在学校开始温习功课、上课、为作业烦恼，整个人的心情又开始沉重起来。晚上到家，头好痛好痛，所以就破纪录的十一点半就睡了。结果头实在太痛了，凌晨三点半又爬起来。那种痛简直差点要了我的命。 最近常喝水，吃得也算健康。头痛大概不完全是生理上的问题造成的，而是心理上的。 这才发现，这几天少笑了很多。生气和难过的成分也多了很多。 这几天很多人事物都让我堆积了厚厚的负面能量。我不否认，我在心中不断呐喊，甚至想大哭出来。但是我一直都觉得哭会让人脆弱。而我不想在这种关键时刻感到脆弱。 也发现，很久没有做自己喜欢的事了。是忘了吗？经常说没有时间去做自己喜欢做的事。但正因为不去做，所以人就更不开心。 还有，可能最近太消极了，所以不会想到开心的事。如果回忆有它特殊的作用，我想应该是回首过去的时候还会让人不自觉地笑出来。 我想，偶而还是要抽出些时间做些让自己开心的事。 而开心的回忆，我不是忘了，只是偶尔忘了把它拿出来在脑子里再播放一遍。 要赶快多做些使自己开心的事，想些使自己开心的事。 否则，人会死得很快。 加油啊，GL。

很stress。

好累。真的。 你很努力地去争取你以为属于自己的东西，结果别人来告诉你，这个权力不是你的。 令人难过的不是失去权力，而是得不到认同。 在家里是这样，在学校也是这样。 我只是很想有一个属于自己的小小空间，为什么要剥夺我仅存或以为自己仅有的权力呢？ 我想我会再去找寻属于自己的新天地。 跟别人争真的很累。 Edits: Thank you Mic for the very nice necklace. The only thing that made my day.