past.

I ever said that it was going to be the last mention, the last time. Angie and Maxie were witnesses. Or maybe 'listeners'. LOL. Haven't really talked about the happy times spent with LCfamily the past couple of days. Fri Bugis with ZhiZhi Fel and YC. Finally drank my mango blended again! yummies :DD But bought the wrong one. Bought Mango Tango instead. $3.50!! Super xin tia =xx However, it was still worth it cause' it was super nice! :D Sat Which is yesterday la. LOL. Swam with ZhiZhi Angie Fel ZR Maxie. 2 and a half hours! My poor wrinkled fingers. But we spent most of the time in the pool talking! =xxx Met Melissa, who was LATE, at JEC. And then she got her long awaited Farenheit(I know this must be wrong spelling, whatever =/) stuff. And then she was madly indulged in her FLH fantasy. LJ next. FINALLY, meal of the day. But I was so full after that that I didn't take dinner! Oh ya. Shucks man. Simon has his second album! And I haven't bought the first! Not eve...

It was the last, really, really the last. The last meeting, the last present, the last words. Last time I'm seeing that backview. Last goodbye. I wanted to see you in red. It's okay, I saw you on the bike, again. This day marks the end. Alrights, stop reminiscing. Melissa is my No.1 love rival now. That pledge of love! >.

Tue, Wed, Thu. Didn't touch the com for 3 days. Mugged and mugged and mugged. Never seen myself this hardworking. Looks like there are many 'first time's this year. Broke down while studying last night. That was certainly a first time. Before I did, my mum stepped into the room and stood behind me. I started to complain to her how stressed I was and then my tears started to flow. Was just about to open up my arms and hug her to cry in her embrace. But, she didn't see those tears. She scolded me. I turned my head away and continued writing my CLL notes. Those tears were still flowing but they weren't seen. I really thought she understood my weariness. Maybe coloured dreams don't always come true, after all.

I remember when I failed the first Chinese test of my life when I was sec4, I really was on the verge of crying. Today, I failed the first Maths test of my life. Yes, it's MATHS. But I'm not on the verge of crying. I won't. I know I didn't work hard and I don't deserve to pass. Mrs Chan said something that was almost like what Mrs Gan said to me last year when she returned me my first test paper of the year on Loci. Mrs Gan was fiercer, her tone so much worse. Mrs Gan/2006: I don't expect this kind of result from you! You should be doing better than this! (stares) Mrs Chan/2007: You shouldn't be performing like this, right? (smiles) Whatever that is. Watch me. I will not fail again. Went back to CT and studied with Kevin. He said I'm egoistic. I have to admit I am. You still live in my heart. But my soul's dead anyway. Maybe your existence is merely pointless. Is it really time we say goodbye?

Sleepless nights. Emo songs. Reminisce. Pictures. Don't say I didn't try. Perhaps I'm just not determined enough, not enough! Did anyone think I'm not trying my best? Maybe. But neither do I want it this way! I have not felt my heart literally hurt but now, even when I refuse to entertain the pain, it perpetuates. I thought everything's coming to an end but it's again, self-deception. Or can YOU teach me what to do? Teach me how to lead a brand new life. Thoughts of you are killing me. Each time we coincide, we say hi, or worse, walk past like total strangers. But my heart's yelling. I'm certain no one hears, except myself. I don't want the whole world to think I kept saying I'm moving on but there are always mentions of you. Has it become part of me? I don't have the slightest idea but I definitely want to take off this part of me without feeling any pain, though, not possible. I REALLY TRIED. But I realised when I jumble the words, I saw T...

久未放晴的天空 依旧留着你的笑容 哭过却无法掩埋歉疚 风筝在阴天搁浅 想念还在等待救援 我拉着线，复习你给的温柔 曝晒在一旁的寂寞 笑我给不起承诺 怎么会怎么会，你竟原谅了我 我只能永远读着对白 读着我给你的伤害 我原谅不了我 就请你当作我已不在 我睁开双眼看着空白 忘记你对我的期待 读完了依赖 我很快就离开

As YC Angie and BingBing were picking up the pieces of the torn letter that day, the words on the bits of papers somehow made the contents of the letter seem very interesting. However, when they finished putting the bits and pieces into place and read the letter, I bet they realised it wasn't as interesting as they thought. LOL. Maybe our lives aren't any different. Maybe. If I narrate an episode of my life to someone, it will probably sound exciting and catchy. As a matter of fact, me myself, being the one who experiences and undergoes whatever that comes along, will naturally find it no big deal. Or perhaps the interesting part comes when I reminisce the thrilling episodes of my life. The burden's been holding me back for so long. Probably I need to be a little more persistent, or I shall take forever to reach the finishing line.

Alrights, forgot to mention this in yesterday's post. I tore this letter at Max's house because I thought it was not going to come to any use already. And then Max Angie and YC, being the GREAT Private Investigators, decided to unravel the mystery. So they started putting the pieces together. So many pieces of scotch tape used =xx And tada, they finished within 23 minutes. That was really efficient. They told me it was fated that I give the letter to whom it was written to. We shall see. Shang influenced me to be hooked to Amazed liao! DUNCAN's version is BETTER!!! Okay, SUDDENLY receive an SMS from YC at 5.20p.m. asking me if I was free at night. I kind of expected what was going on so I said I was free. Indeed, it was a SUDDEN invitation from YY to go to his house to eat birthday cake! And because it was too SUDDEN, not many peoeple could make it. Ended up with YC NY YC TH and me going. Super paiseh because YY's parents, grandparents, brothers, brothers' girlfrien...

What a sinful day at Max's house. Calories in my body are on the rise. I can't believe it. I'm listening to my English songs after so damn long. This feeling is almost indescribable. I repeated that track for like 10 times? Maybe more. Never fails to make me feel weak. Just like I am so sick and tired trying to move on. Bruised and battered by your words, dazed and shattered now it hurts. Indeed. Cause' you're only almost here. I can only say, I really, really miss the past. But I'm not stopping, still trying to reach the finishing line. I've found a reason for me, to change who I used to be. A reason to start over new, and the reason is not you. Because I'm moving on. Who are you now? Are you still the same? Or did you change somehow? What do you do, at this very moment when I think of you? Though everything's been said and done, I still feel you. But still no word from you. Instead of moving on, I refuse to see. That I keep coming back. And I...

Let's start on a happier(I hope) note today. The trip to M'sia was a great one. Felt that it was more like a learning journey for me rather than going on a holiday. Stayed overnight at the bungalow(kelong) and although I didn't really like the bathroom, which is not something new, all was fine and enjoyable. I saw a sea turtle, a hermit crab, a starfish, a jellyfish and the fish that I always see on my encyclopedia. No idea what the name of the fish is. Ha. For someone like me who is allergic to seafood, anyone will probably think it's a dumb thing to bring me for a seafood feast. Unfortunately, I did enjoy the feast. Who says seafood feast only consists of seafood?! LOL. Moreover, there are some seafood which I can eat! STINGRAY :D The trip did trigger off some unwanted memories and comprise some unhappy elements, but anyway, I finally watched the sunset. Beautiful. 说好决定要努力忘了 为何还有泪停在脸颊 你身边是否还是那个她 那段流着眼泪寻找解答的日子已过去了 只是没想到爱情要我付出漫长想念代价

Just as I thought, it's spreading really rapidly. And like it's been mentioned, maybe it's just so expected. The moment I knew, I didn't tear, I didn't weep, I didn't even feel a tinge of sadness. Perhaps it was just a sense of loss. Till Melissa and I started SMS-ing and Jia Hui and I started chatting over MSN, I felt something. I don't know if it was sadness or anything worse. But the sense of loss wasn't eradicated anyway. Spent 1 and a half days at Malaysia and came back, feeling nothing. I talked over the phone and the feeling came. It was sadness. Accompanied by a little sympathy, anger and probably relief as well. Still, the feeling of loss hasn't gone away. As much as I'm angry with her, I know, that my anger will leave with her departure. No matter how much I want to curse and swear, I believe she has rationalised and everything should come to an end. I know she's doing fine in heaven. And she will be fine.

Why must you appear whenever I'm nearing the end of the race? Why must you be the obstacle that obstructs me from moving on? Can't you spare a thought for my feelings? I'm afraid you will never understand how it feels like to have your heart shattered into splints and shards. Because you're always so selfish. You'll never know how this feels. But whatever it is, please. PLEASE JUST GET OUT. Get out of my life because I can't afford to waste any more precious time.

I have all the things in the world to do. 1. LEP camp report to Mdm Liu Fen. 2. 2 CSC newspaper reviews. 3. 2 GP newspaper reviews. 4. See my girls to give them tests before their course. 5. See the new appointed CLs and PLs. 6. Keep my promise to watch a movie with someone. 7. Watch Shrek with the LC people! :D 8. MATHS ASSIGNMENTS. 9. Prepare for Common Tests. 10. Prepare for H1 Chinese A's. Why can't holidays be longer? ):

The LEP camp was like about EATING and EATING and EATING =xx After breakfast, get ready for tea. After tea, get ready for lunch. After lunch, get ready for another tea break. After which, get ready for dinner. HENG! No supper! >. I really had the feeling of being at YA camp -- EAT! But of course, this is so much SLACK-er. Meal times super long. Free time super long. SLACK SLACK SLACK. Met up with Stheng and Ah Dong during the camp. Really enjoyed every moment spent with Stheng. And not forgetting, the new friends made, Cyndi Felicia and Group2 (: And as usual, many things set me thinking during the 3 nights. After one big round, I still came back to realise that 每个人，物，事都不会是那么完美的. Some things really disappoint me and I'm often the root of the problem, I guess.

Supposedly, I was most determined this time. But when I saw him just now.. Ha. I have no idea. He slimmed down a lot, really a lot. And makes me wonder why. Like 4 years plus ago, I was enrolled. 2 years plus ago, I was promoted to a PS. In the same year, I was promoted to a PL. Last year, I stepped down. This year, I'm conducting the ceremony. Can't believe it. I've been through this for so many times. More to come, I guess.

Can't believe I can actually finish the show within 2 days!!! I teared, I laughed, I -.- ed. And sometimes I can't help but live in my fantasy, not wanting to get out of it >. SHUCKS, I'm addicted to a new guy who acted in the show!! =xx Lib-ed with Angie and YC today. But I guess I just wasn't in the mood to study - 9 questions of Partial Fractions, AP/GP, Differentiation. And then I got soooooo bored that I made a dedication on 933. LOL. It went like this: 我下定决心要把他忘了！ Then the back part was about dedicating the song to Angie and YC when they were just sitting right in front of me. LOL :/ So when the DJ read my dedication, she added this: 好吧。那我也希望你能够把他给忘了！ LOL. ALrights, looks like I'm most determined this time because I have deleted the contacts and pictures (which I have not done before actually =xx). And hopefully everything turns out just nice and perfect. Ha. So like I say, it wasn't really a day for studying. We left at 4pm for... PASAR MALAM! =xxx Yea...