past.

just came back from outside. went to buy things. so many yellow things! exciting! hee. the evening weather was depressing . very. these days, people around me have been like the weather today. i talked to them and they told me they get what i say. if that's the case, i'll be hoping to welcome the sun soon(: i want to be the sun that showers people with my rays. even though he may not be part of my life. it's okay, it really is. if i hold on to your hand now, i'm afraid i can never afford to let go.

irritating. i watched till the 7th episode then the webby sot. ugh! but i still miss the rose . very sad!! today went out for breakfast with my brother driving. kinda SCARY. =xx i have slacked for more than 12 hours. gracious goodness.

zirui cried. he's angry. i have known him for the 4th year. and this is the second time in these years that i saw him get angry. i always said zirui's msn nick is standard. it's his email add. but today, he changed his nick. "i have learnt a lesson today." i could tell his pain and agony. and why? all because of the class. whatthefuck indeed. but when i called him, i could sense his smile again(: kinda sad for all today. bad day out. and, my heart broke into more pieces.

all humans are ugly. this is one sad thing in life. no matter how much i love those whom i love, they always have an ugly side. somehow, my heart's like groaning in pain again. humans. yes humans. to those we love, when they commit a mistake, we will think they have a reason for doing so. to those we don't love, when they commit a mistake, we can't help but be prejudiced and criticise. it has to be like this, i guess. that my loved ones will hurt me one by one. it's inevitable.

the saddest thing on this earth is that no one will ever understand you. he says it tears his heart to see her leave. indeed. i truly believe it.

today has been both lovely and painful. 26th annual speech and prize giving day.

i'm always the one hurting you, you said. how about me? you are searching for your identity, am i not? you just make me so fucking pissed each day. it's you who killed me, not the other way round. my soul is dead. it was, long ago.

kinda relaxed a lil with my lovable mel and jiahui today(: had bbq express for lunch. yummies(: went to lot1. toopid neoprint machine cheated our feelings! haha. anyway it was great fun! met up with sk . had a long talk. he told me many things. and finally i have let out some true feelings. but i no longer know what's making me feel painful. my soul is dead.

my heart has probably stopped bleeding. one thing i am certain of, is that my soul is dead.

to tell the truth, each day i find it more difficult to face mike. ugh. i hate it. perhaps seldom i'm so truthful about my feelings in a blog. but recently i indeed am. but talking to a friend is definitely nicer. back to studying. and i don't know what to do, cause' i'll never be with you.

girls. they need words to seal bondings. but they have no idea guys never know exactly what romantic words are. haha. life is this funny. got this from an article last week. interesting. ha. mum told me something today. she hopes i will find time to have a talk with her. she says i seem as if i have nothing to talk to her about. she says i seem as if i am not happy with all my siblings. ha. i wished she knew i hope she won't always come home so late every night too. there, now she's talking to me on the phone about it again. waiting for the last day of my life. yea. why not? every monday, i look forward to friday. every friday, i look forward to holidays. every single day, i look forward to the day i am free from all troubles and misery. don't tell me this is having no aim in life. i know. i know this is suicide of my own mind. my heart is bleeding. tears are desperately attempting to roll, but to no avail.

maybe i still believe in fate. when i walked past them, he was in the toilet. haha. life is ironic. at the same too contradicting, too cruel. some facts are too true that i don't have the courage to face them. jiahui is right. we are living in a complicated world. and it's useless to wish that this world isn't that complicating. it has to be this way. some people just walked in out of my life and walked out without me realising it. i'm glad some walked in. for some who walked out, i don't give a damn. it doesn't even matter to me whether they leave any footsteps. for these footsteps will probably just bring me bad memories. life of a sec4 teen is like so fixed. mine is a routine. i can appear to be so cool about it. but i'm sick of it. who isn't? but what can i do? lol. studies, family, friends, my life. these are all are burdens on my shoulder. and i can't abandon any. actually, i always feel sad about my mum not trusting me. i would like to tell ...

gracious goodness. woke up at 4 a.m. then went out alone to pick kexian. dark siarh! manufactured sausage buns. lol! quite fun la. keke. carnival was okay la. championship? nah. but they must have struggled for trimph(: pictures! woohoo. and i love my sheena ! =xxxxxx bleahs. took bus with zirui zhuangwei and yinghao to bb. talked to zirui alot. haha. kbox! with huiting angie kinmun max tiff zirui zhuangwei yuyuan yuci yinghao huiling shirlyn stheng sther limin tsuhui. fun fun fun. hahah. i think the thing that really made me high today is the cross talk! WE ARE THE CHAMPION!!! ming ge and ya huan together got the 3 highest and most prestigious award okay! don't play play! yipee! i must say in my 16 years of life, this is the first time i screamed so many times at one shot and so loudly and kept jumping while i screamed! =xxx woohooooooo. and i saw weihao valerie and pui yoke there! hee! weihao leh!!! =D contentment is just a word to use cause' i have no idea how to describe t...

left school at 7 plus. thanks to that chandra. ughhh. but went shopping with miss shamini kexian and limei. quite fun. keke.

my heart just feels so painful. if that is what you want to see of me, i don't mind living in isolation. but i realised how selfish you are. i love you so much but you hurt me so bad.

just what the fuck.

this is life.