I'll never understand.

maybe i still believe in fate.
when i walked past them, he was in the toilet. haha.

life is ironic.
at the same too contradicting, too cruel.
some facts are too true that i don't have the courage to face them.
jiahui is right.
we are living in a complicated world.
and it's useless to wish that this world isn't that complicating.
it has to be this way.

some people just walked in out of my life and walked out without me realising it.
i'm glad some walked in.
for some who walked out, i don't give a damn.
it doesn't even matter to me whether they leave any footsteps.
for these footsteps will probably just bring me bad memories.

life of a sec4 teen is like so fixed.
mine is a routine.
i can appear to be so cool about it.
but i'm sick of it. who isn't?
but what can i do? lol.

studies, family, friends, my life.
these are all are burdens on my shoulder.
and i can't abandon any.

actually, i always feel sad about my mum not trusting me.
i would like to tell her how i feel and all.
but i have not found my long-lost friend, courage.

i have no idea when's the last time i addressed my dad 'papa'.
and i have no idea when i will call him that again.
again, courage is not here.

i can picture the lovely days i had with my siblings.
but they seem so far away.
i always love it when my brother says to me on the phone "zao yi dian hui lai".
well, i myself never tried talking to all of them nicely actually.
this involves another friend of mine, pride.
ha.

these aren't excuses, just what i really mean.

the older i grow, the more pride i have.