past.

as a daughter, i'm a failure. as a sister, i'm a failure. as a student, i'm a failure. as a guide, i'm a failure. as a leader, i'm a failure. as a friend, i'm a failure. as an individual, i'm a total failure. tired. yes, so tired. i understand i'm not the only one going through these. and that is why i keep my complaints and whatsoever grumbles to myself. i don't want to yearn for the past either. but i guess it does take some time. they should be together le ba. ha.. went to jp with huimin , chris and yokehwee . first time this combination of 4 of us can laugh so much. all thanks to huimin . hahah. i listened to the reason . it's great. really nice. "When you make a mistake, don't look back at it long. Take the reason of the thing into your mind and then look forward. Mistakes are lessons of wisdom. The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power." -Hugh White

i breathe in hard and i breathe out hard. just to hold back my temper. i don't want to throw my temper, i really don't want to. no point throwing temper, wasting energy on people who are not worth my time. and wait. maybe guys do mean something to me. great friends like YINGHAO , TECKSING , ZIRUI . although yinghao are tecksing are ... girls ? LOL. okay, it was supposed to be a lovely day today and IT SHALL BE. HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANGIE! (: we went to wcp to celebrate angie 's birthday. (: lunched at mac. it was a filling lunch. haha. then ate cake! quite tasty. yummies. angie and jiahui went roller blading while the other 3 of us went to blow BUBBLES . alamak. THEY'RE JUST SO LOVELY. too bad i didn't snap any shots. then all 5 of us ended up on a see-saw . GREAT. i love it. tried everything we wanted. take pictures and more. i had a peaceful day. i enjoyed the breeze . the sand . the atmosphere . dear angeline, i hope you loved your day. (: dinner was damn fill...

got myself scalded all over. must be too long never work le. ha! speaking from the bottom of my heart, i really want to attend the gathering. it's just two days away. but i think i'll have to miss it. actually i just want to see two people. hahah. soonzai and ben !!! missed them truckloads. = finally i'm going to wcp tomorrow!! dying to blow my bubbles okay!! =xx oh ya. who do they think they are? oh puuullllleasssseeeeeeee. one is soooooo good at pointing fingers at others and thinks she is so WOW when she has done nothing to deserve a post. okay fine i'm not any better as a patrol leader too but sorry, i feel that i am BETTER THAN HER. i am not being boastful but i dare to say i am. if she proves to be a leader with great potential, i believe her mother's words can't influence mrs ng at all. and bloody please STOP ACTING CUTE . goodness it's terrible when someone who's not cute trying to act pure and innocent. bleahs. maybe only her so-called HUSBAN...

just so tired . physically, mentally. always thought family bonding is built on mutual trust , consideration towards one another. maybe i ought to reconsider these factors. i only wished my mum would speak to me in a better tone. i only wished she could understand me a little more. bought mah bubbles already. nothing i say, nothing i do, can make me myself feel better. i just want a big tube of raspberry ripples ice cream. "Any change, any loss, does not make us victims. Others can shake you, surprise you, disappoint you, but they can't prevent you from acting, from taking the situation you're presented with and moving on. No matter where you are in life, no matter what your situation is, you can always do something. You always have a choice and the choice can be power." -Blaine Lee

i'm just tired. very very tired. shirts. shoes. bags. wallets. DESIRES. PLEASE GET OUT OF MY SIGHT. i want nothing but her health back. take my life for all you want. if it's even worthy. at least in exchange for someone i love, it's worth it. "Motivation is everything. You can do the work of two people, but you can't be two people. Instead, you have to inspire the next guy down the line and get him to inspire his people. " -Lee Iacocca

went out with my girlfriends ! yup! matrix and tecky ! keke! :p wanted to go wcp de. but the rain ruined our plan. =/ so decided where to go only when we were on the train! hahah. went to makan at ljs first. i watched them eat. =xx then i ate that toopid packet of tako balls. scalded my throat! bleahs. we bought our stuff le! hee. then michael just popped out and treated us to pizza hut. lol! SURPRISINLY , tecky and i only ate one piece each! hahah. matrix ate two! that was expected! =xx then shaun also suddenly popped out and my reaction was a bit the kua zang then knocked my head against the toopid thing behind. concussion. =/ the 2 guys went their way and 3 of us continued jalaning. bought a few stuff and left le. went to queensway. those 2 a bit sot la. kept watching the man cook laksa from above. too ex so didn't eat. =/ the necklace damn nice ! i must buy! =xxx we went to hunt for food. keke. oh mah god. matrix treated me again! to ice cream! hahah! =xx some more raspb...

I CALLED HIM! awwwww. my heart has stopped beating so quickly. i'm glad i did it! keke! ((: today's such a cold day! everyone makes sure you have your blanket on! (: "The most important thing in the Olympic Games is not to win but to take part, just as the most important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle. The essential thing is not to have conquered but to have fought well." -Pierre de Coubertin

I'M NOT CRAZY OKAY. i'm not. i just have no idea why i'm eating so much when i am apparently not hungry. lol. time really flies . today's huimin 's birthday. but it only seems like yesterday that i was wishing her "happy 14th birthday" . and at that time, i told her i would beat christopher , junrong and junxian . last night, i was wishing her again. but it was 15th this year. and i only had to win christopher . LOL. as for me, this year was one of my worst birthday. because of a pampered girl. haha. but i must say she sure must be powerful and influential enough to do that. hahah. oh well. dying to go out tomorrow! "Avoiding the phrase 'I don't have time...', will soon help you to realize that you do have the time needed for just about anything you choose to accomplish in life." -Bo Bennett

i'm rotting at home! ): so dying to go out with my girlfriends ! but have to wait for tuesday because matrix is suffering from insomnia. haha! "Our lives are not determined by what happens to us but by how we react to what happens, not by what life brings to us, but by the attitude we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes. It is a catalyst, a spark that creates extraordinary results." -Anon

sorted out my sec3 worksheets le! so many of them! sian diao. zZz. later will have to file them. it's damn loads la. heh. but at least i won't feel so irritated that my table's in a mess le. hee. went to buy some stuff with tsutsu . finally got my cd to burn the project. otherwise ang going to nag again. =xxx then bought a super duper simple thing for huimin for birthday prezzie. biang eh. feel very guilty. the thing she bought for me was like so much more ex. =/ i promise i must get something else for her when i have the $$! heh. then went to this shop and saw this very very nice thing! i shan't say what because i may be buying for matrix . i bet he will like it if i were to buy for him. hahahah. but there's a long long way to go because i really need to save up! no more outside lunch for me! =xx saw a girl blowing bubbles when i was waiting for my bus. so nice ! awwwww. this is great . i darn love it la! "Occasionally in life there are those moments of...

rotting away. wanting to do homework but just too lazy . listening to the hard rock live cd that i bought for jiahui and jiahui burnt for me. i tell you, IT SIMPLY ROCKS . awwwww. i feel so H I G H . some minutes ago, thoughts flooded my mind . thinking about a lot of things. really a lot man. family , friends , school , life , hopes . but everytime i think of something, she appears in my mind. she appears in my mind telling me i'm such a hypocrite. if she can't accept that simple entry, what have i got to do? she says people just can't change their mindsets, and she ? ha. well, i just love rahil . we can be DAMN SARCASTIC to each other, but never offended. rather, make a joke out of the sarcasm. HAHA. this is like damn real fun. this is what i call FRIENDS , be it i sound retarded. oh my. THOSE TRACKS REALLY KICK ASS. can de-stress. sure thing!

super busy yesterday! so much work to do! hmmm. but it's finally friday today which means the last day of lessons. and ... THE START OF HOLIDAYS HOMEWORK. lol. sianity civilisation? ha. feeling so sweaty. dying to take a shower.

cried in school today. so diu lian. =/ internal bleeding in my shoulder now. it's not my day. damn sway. lol.

You feel twice as happy when you see your friend happy. - quote BrOkEn_WiNgS . I SIMPLY AGREE! it's a JOY to share your JOY with your friends. and seeing them happy is another JOY ! well. FINALLY I AM BLOGGING AGAIN. stopped blogging these days because i didn't want to give myself away ! haha. SOME PEOPLE know what i mean! keke. =xx awwwww. i just love today! yup! it's 15 NOVEMBER 2005 ! who says it's not a special day?! it's our dear JIAHUI'S 15th BIRTHDAY ! okay i really feel so fake when i shook her hand in the morning and saying something like that... "happy birthday jiahui. sorry hor. have to give you belated present." HAHAH. i don't know how many times i lied while in the preparations of this surprise today. =xxx and yea. jiahui sat beside me during chem remedial. she was seeming so darn sian. fidgetting here and there. hoping the remedial would end soon. and me?! TRYING TO HOLD BACK MY LAUGHTER?! okay, i really was! hahahahahah. becaus...

alamak! why are jay 's songs sooo bloody nice ?! i need to fan myself so much when i listen to his songs! hor jiahui? hahaha! one bad thing about me listening to jay 's songs is i have to repair broken windows . if you get what i mean. HAHAH. i'm so dead! bought stuff today then spent so much money. mum's going to kill me tonight when she learns about it. =/ and duh, i'm officially BROKE . never felt this poor. =xx i'm done with it ! hee. sense of accomplishment. *applause* still looking forward to that ! =xx it must be a bad omen. god bless. guolian is scared, very very scared.

at least i'm not deluding myself. find it so hard to put on a smile now. very bad gastric these days. despite the unshocking fact that i did so much mouth exercise . lol. went to buy stuff. a MIRACLE that matrix treated me to kfc. LOL. okay, i am in so much pain to blog. it's so excruciating. goodbye.

people's moods just swing so fast. i'm no exception. played at max 's house. can you believe it? i won the first 4 rounds of mahjong. lol. eh matrix and tecky . i listened to FENG le. NICE. THUMBS UP. remember we must quickly master that song then quickly sing together. hahah. fa ru xue is still nice. lol. i need sleep so badly. zZz.

FALSE ALARM. mel is not back. it's supposed to be TODAY . lol. still, i hope to receive her call or something tonight when she's back. that makes DAY 7 WITHOUT MEL . man, i miss her truckloads . lessons today were as hilarious as yesterday. rather, more hilarious than yesterday. lol. tsutsu , angie , matrix and zirui came to play. we were so noisy. =xx had fun though. (: there are 2 things i'm super looking forward to. 1. mel's return. 2. TOP SECRET . =xxx my daughter won't be seeing this. but anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY GAL!

DAY 6 WITHOUT MEL. i'm so going to forget how she looks like! she told me she'll be coming back tonight. she better. and i expect her to ring me up tonight. lol. he once told me, "there's only patience in waiting". probably that's why i have the patience to wait for mel for 6 days. but not him . pon-ed camp. =xx but i got CONCRETE EVIDENCE okay. hee. maybe the infection in my bone came at the right time. =xx lessons were alright lor. teresa chua quite funny. hahah. joyce tan very retro like that. =xx ang as usual. naggggg... lau lau a bit the bad mood? =/ went to junction8 with matrix , tecky and tsutsu . that toopid tsutsu . suggested that place then still complained so far. lol. the journey was long indeed. tsutsu and i fell asleep. zZz. settled some stuff already. but could see a hole in my pocket lor. and there goes my neos with them. as promised, but broken . bo bian. have to wait for the next time. because i'm so desperately in need of $$ ....

sorry for my rudeness earlier. slept for very long. bad throat now. =/ had only three hours of sleep before falling in school at 7 a.m. the trail was not bad ba. except i made a mistake somewhere. jiahui, wo dui bu qi ni. sorry! one very great thing was i managed to watch a soccer match and rugby match. super shiok. especially this guy who was so good looking. =xx and one primary school boy. damn cute! i could still remember his face vividly. keke. then went with mah fellow girls to bukit batok. bused home again. the journey was a long one that i fell soundly asleep. zZz. DAY 4 WITHOUT MEL. hai. i'm bored to tears. i just want some peace. guolian is not happy.

fuck.

DAY 3 WITHOUT MEL. i miss her. i have watched till the part where they met and knew they loved each other . and i think i shall stop here. i won't continue watching. and i don't want to. my heart is already crying. i'm thinking too much. something that comforted me today will be... kin meng talked to me. haha. i was like WOW . lol. guolian is not happy.

argh! i detest walking already! =xx walked sooo much today to burn calories. then in the end hurt my feet so badly. what the?! stupid shoes! =/ met mah fellow girls in the morning after breakfast. then we went to kai gong le! after work we went busing ! just didn't want to waste money so took shuttle bus to imm to makan lj then back to boonlay. keke. walked so much!! and PLAYED so much!! literally PLAYED okay! hahah. especially toys r us and kiddy palace . we were like.. so deprived of childhood days la. keke. =xx then nini and i took bus back to clementi instead of the train. slept about half an hour in the bus. suang! hee. i missed my 173 so had to wait for so long. then bused home again! bused so much today! i'm so loving it! =xx had my fun today! (: guolian is happy. (:

i'm dying to STOP watching tian guo de jie ti !! otherwise in the later episodes i will CRY ! it's a bad feeling, i guess. and i can't hold it any longer. you don't understand. you just don't understand.

eh! i'm back! supposed to be here earlier but com wasn't really working? DAY 2 WITHOUT MEL. no one calls me to WHINE . hahah. and i really miss that. =xx went out with angie ! to get her stuff and my stuff. hee. i must tahan!! i'm finishing!! guolian jiayou!! you can make it man! keke. and as usual, when i reached home, start to rot again. okay at least i have got something meaningful to keep me occupied. (: and uh. maybe my imagination won't run wild . matrix!! how are you?! have not seen you for 1 day! haha. take careee and STOP CALLING ME AUNTIE. i prefer uncle. or MRS DMJ. =xxxx hahahah.

the trail today was rather boring. =xx must wait for 40 minutes for each team. i slept! i can't believe that. out in the open and i'm sleeping. diu lian. =xx and one thing! I WAS LATE FOR 3 MINUTES! can you believe it?! GUOLIAN WAS LATE FOR GUIDES. my god. that has to be the FIRST TIME. if mel was to see this. she will sure tell me, " must be you never meet me right? ". haha. well anyway the trail ended early so we returned school earlier than expected. got our cookies ! superrr nice!! i feel like sharing with everyone!! went to catch all about love with angie and matrix . the beginning part was rather boring and super complicated. but the last super very gan ren ! i must admit i almost cried but too bad i was too good at holding back my tears. but SOMEONE could not! =xxx keke! maybe it's the last part that made me feel that i didn't waste $$. hahah. tong xin yuan coming up! okay let me drop some words first. jiahui: chew chew!!! you have walked a lot today...

let me update an entry before turning off my brain. hmmm. emo-ed the whole day man! hahahaha. not exactly rather. dooodooodoooo. i'm crazy. =xx watched tian guo de jie ti from 10 am to 1 pm. then had my brunch which was a heavy one. had it with my dear candice ! (: then started watching all those blue 's mtv. my duncan 's still soooooooooo hot! awwwww. just feel like hugging him whenever i see him on my com. =xxx guolian has gone out of her mind. basically just rotting at home for the whole day. and urm... HAHA. dooodooodooo. and then watched tong xin yuan . and then tian guo de jie ti again. sin sin influenced me too much! hee. oh ya. used the com for so long also. this is bad. my eyesight's getting worse any time. =xx going for the recce with my fellow girls tomorrow! nice one. burn calories again! keke. =xx oh ya! mel! i'm going to miss you! waiting for your return!!! hundreds more. guolian jiayou!!