past.

Some time (or rather quite long) ago, Pee asked me to help her sister with an assignment. I was previously busy with some matters and then flew off to HK and so I kept forgetting to help her with it. When I finally came back from HK, I cast it aside for a couple of days again before I finally sat down to finish it within two days. I quickly sent the document to Pee who was still grateful for the work. Nevertheless, thereafter I kept feeling bad about delaying the work for so long, I felt I was being too insincere in helping. Last night, Pee, together with his parents and sister, dropped by my place to pass me two tins of cookies which Pee's mother baked, to thank me for my help with the assignment. I think I felt even worse because I took so long to finish the work but they were so nice to me! The cookies were seriously awesome! And Pee told me yesterday that she woke up in the morning with the thought that she was lucky to know me. I don't know what I have done before to make ...

今天请了半天假，本来要去补习，但是真的很不舒服，又累，所以就在家里休息、读书。读到一半，睡着了，竟然梦见在书展找不到书本给顾客。这大概就是工作压力吧，每天都要担心这种情况发生。但是，这份工作其实是蛮好玩的。除了好玩的同事朋友之外，还有很可爱的小孩子。虽然有的时候他们总是把书本弄乱，但是有的真的很可爱。当然，遇到挑剔的顾客的时候还真得有点sian。 今天早上开工前，买了很多书，全部加起来要六十多块。觉得自己花太多了！但是想想，总是觉得把钱花在书本上不比花在其它物质上来得奢侈。毕竟，书本给予的是精神粮食，也算是一个挺值得的投资！话说回来，今天买的书的类别跟平时买的不一样。从19岁起开始读中文小说，就一直是读爱情小说，而且主题还是类似的。也许我只是希望能够在这些不同的故事中找到一个出路。但显然，出路找不到，反而迷路了。寻寻觅觅了几年，我仍然不知道如何出去。终于我还是承认了，不是找不到出路，而是自己明知道方向不对，还一直往前走。我希望，改变阅读习惯能够慢慢改变这一切。因为我是一个容易让阅读材料影响我的思想的人。 And by the way, God decided to be kind to me. I see quite a bit of improvement in my grades finally, even though I took up another two students nearing exams last sem. Much as I still do not qualify for the honours track, I guess an improvement like such is all that I ask for. I guess I somehow kept the promise I made about working hard if AhWU won the Best Actor!

ngor zen hai moi gam yong dui ngor ji kei. bat guo ngor zen hai hou sam fu. dim xun ah? tong ngor gong ah hou mou?

Today's first day of work was long and tiring. I reached home with breaking limbs and only to realised I was covered in cuts and bruises and blisters. Nevertheless, I actually think the nature of this job is good because I get too busy that I hardly have any time to think about anything, unnecessary.

These couple of days were very much about being nostalgic and about looking back on the good ol' times. Maybe not necessarily good? Last night was dinner with Shaun and Ben at Hoagies and I really felt very, very happy to meet them. I don't know why but I think I haven't felt so happy in a long time. It was nice to be with people so genuine and who speak their minds. It was amazing how at Primary 5 and 6 we were not exactly that close but right now we can talk so much and never get bored of one another. Today Zhi and I visited college, the place itself and the teachers. When I did relief there last year, much as it was a long three months, I had managed to avoid that walkway. I'm not sure what came over me today that I suddenly felt like walking on that path again. It brought back a lot of memories, hardly any good ones, and struck me that some things never really left my mind. I guess this is when I should call myself a loser. (And it's hysterical how all the old s...

Let's see. It's been some time. I haven't been blogging even after I came back from HK because I was recently overwhelmed by this strong mixture of emotions that I really didn't know where to start. Okay, I shall try to do this slowly and perhaps properly too (somehow I'm influenced by Angie in terms of trying to express feelings into words). Ohanies watched the very first midnight movie on Monday (or is it considered Tuesday?), Priest. I thought the quality or plot of the film that day did not matter so much because it was the company that made me feel good. Then we headed off to the airport where we spent quite a few hours roaming around, chatting, slacking, napping and eating. Thank you people for the thought :) HK was great and it was somehow a different feeling from when I went with the fruits in 2009. It was Eaton Hotel once again (recommended by Coconut last time) but the provision shop across the road was not around anymore. Nevertheless, nothing much in Hon...

Can't believe I survived till now with just 3.5 hours of sleep (slept at 6.30a.m. after Eurovision ended and woke up at 10a.m. to meet Jia Ying for breakfast) I'm so going to bed now... I felt really upset about Blue not winning at least top 3 during this morning's contest but I think they put up a really great performance. Thank god they are coming back stronger than before and will not be disbanding despite not returning to UK with the Eurovision championship. I guess no one knows how much this means to me. Blue has been an icon in my life (even if it just means fangirling) and them disbanding was something very upsetting for a 15-year-old teenager. I definitely cannot take a second blow although I'm officially adult. Life has been crazy and my flight is two days from now. The craze never ends. P.S: I'm sorry to disappoint but I've done what I said I wouldn't. The pain was back for a while, no different from that of three years back. It was the same kind o...

Oh poor Blue.

Time check: 3.45 a.m. I'm up at this hour simply for Eurovision! I think I've waited for this contest for 3 months and so I have to stay up since it's live from Europe. It's too exciting! Chris managed to keep me awake by spouting nonsense on the phone until 3a.m. Then he gave up and I tried to sleep, but to no avail. The thrill inside me is not allowing me to sleep well. After all, how do you sleep when you are so eager about something you've waited for 3 long months?! While waiting for Blue's turn, I finished reading Cecilia Ahern's Where Rainbows End. It's been a long time since I read such a thick English novel. I think this book is really good. It's funny, it's sad, it's touching, it's juicy. I couldn't really put it down once I started flipping the pages. I guess what really makes it interesting is the structure of the novel, which is made up of plainly letters, emails, instant messages, faxes and notes. This is very out of the ...

Which part of the rollercoaster are you at now? I've never stopped wondering. But I've stopped asking. Because life never stops at any point for me, or for any of us. Sometimes it becomes pointless to ask, because we have to keep on going, anyway. I'm neither at the peak nor trough. I'm not sure if I'm ready for a plunge, not just yet, I guess.

About a year ago, I ever wondered how I would or should react when this day comes. I thought I might be happy, I thought I might gloat over it. A year later, the day has come. I didn't feel happy about it. Neither did I feel sad. There was almost not a slight tinge of change to the mood scale. All the lies (I'm not sure if there were really any), heartaches, fear suddenly vanished into thin air. The position he occupies never once changed, but still, I don't know what it's like anymore. I very much want to remember but I do not remember. What's left is what I cannot hold on to. I just want to stick to the resolution which I have set for myself for the year, and I think I ought to continue under all circumstances, including this. Be a better friend.

Dear B2 It's your birthday today! Thank you for spending your so many birthdays with me. 16th, 17th, 18th, 19th, 21st. I think one major reason why I am part of Ohana is because you invited me to your birthdays. Thank you for always being so generous, spamming me with Fish's albums, even if they were part of your propaganda. Thank you for calling me from Taiwan two years back when I was going through a damn depressing period. Thank you for affirming my beliefs whenever I am beginning to doubt myself in people's disagreements. Thank you for always introducing emo songs then emo together with me. You are always generous with your money, some people think that's because you are rich. But I know it's because you simply want to make your friends smile. I couldn't possibly list all the things you've done but anyway, they are not listed but remembered! Thank you, you've been an awesomeeeeeeeeeeee friend. Have a blessed birthday because you totally deserve it :)...

真糟糕。我准备在考完试后做很多很多的事。但是，考试一结束，我就提不起劲，什么都不想做了。每天都睡不够，最多六个小时。起来后就什么都不想做，趴在床上看我的故事书。昨晚刚看完吴若全的《我们还会再见吗？》，结局应该是很感人的，但是我一点感觉都没有。不像以往读完一本书之后，总是感触良多。我这是在干什么呀？！所有之前非常向往的事，我也都不是很有兴趣和热忱了。再加上最近炎热的天气，我变得懒洋洋的，一天到晚就像赖在床上，连电脑都不是很想用了，连我最喜欢的港剧都不想看了！！！ Anyway，昨天和中文系同学会去了一趟动物园和Yes933。最后一次去动物园应该是十一年前的事吧。而且，那次也只是在门口，最后还是返回了。这一次回到动物园，感觉很多东西都不一样了。是不是因为自己变大了，所以所有的动物都看似变小了？无论如何，这次的体验到也不错。下一次我想去圣陶沙的海底世界，从没去过。之后到了yes933,见到我从小六就开始喜欢的崇庆。电台是个满好玩的地方。 真的觉得很没劲，就写到这里吧。等我找回动力再回来。我现在要继续趴在床上看书了。

It seems like a long time since I last posted a decent entry. As usual, there was the eager anticipation for the summer vacation, which I've planned constructively for. However, the last paper once again left me with a strong surge of emptiness. Immediately after the last paper, I had tuition, then followed by a day out with the uni good friends, Malaysia trip with chew and bf, and then Maxie's long-awaited birthday party. Like any other days before exams ended, I've been waking up to the sound of my alarm, which I really hate. But I guess it's a good start to a fulfilling vacation. No matter how busy, certain things are still deeply etched to my mind. I'm surprised how finding an answer doesn't mark an end to the issue. In arts subjects, we often have to argue for or against a viewpoint. There seems to be no solutions to speak of. In mathematics, however, the solutions are often of imperative in deriving at answers. Many times I tried to find solutions to the i...

Much as I know it won't, I better jot all these emotions down somewhere before they turn into hatred.

生日快乐，我对自己说。 并非我的生日。 对自己说，是因为不知道怎么跟你说。 认识十一年了。第一次跟你说‘生日快乐’是十岁的时候。 第二次，是十八岁的时候。还送上一份礼物。你说那是你收过最有创意的礼物。 第三次，是十九岁。用短讯发的祝语。你说了‘谢谢’。 第四次，是二十岁。还是用了短讯。你没回复。 应该没有第五次了。我不知道还可以用什么身份来送上我的祝福。朋友？好朋友？曾经很好的朋友？ 如果对你的祝福是对我的残忍，那这份祝福是给还是不给？ 也许是应该给的。因为祝福和礼物一样，不送给要送的人，那份祝福/礼物仍然是属于那人的。 只是，不管是祝福还是礼物，总是要附上勇气。这样东西，我弄丢了，还没找到。也许正在被你和她践踏着；也许是我自己粗心，随便把它拿出来用。 在我找回之前，我想我也只能够把附上你的名字和我的勇气的祝福收着。 怎么总是在这样的日子，我会觉得自己还在原地踏步？

If the government loves its people, shouldn't it love everyone including the opposition parties? Same goes to the opposition parties. I don't know what the personal attacks are for. But it seems to me that there are always people who will gladly condemn other people to bring themselves up. This is no doubt a compeition. But, where is the sportsmanship? Talk about democracy and freedom of expression. Talk about a cultured society.