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i dread HAHA-ing all the time when i don't mean it.man, this sucks.

we share the same surname.
but receive different treatment?
do they think it's fair?
well, if they think it is. then to me, it has NEVER been so.

why can she get away with a bloody stupid excuse and whatever i say, no one believes me?
because i'm born a liar? i am?
then why do i lie?
for goodness, i don't lie for the sake of lying.

tears are on the verge of flowing but nope, i won't let them flow.


english assignment - 12 compositions.

out of the 12, i don't know how many but definitely more than 6, are just A PACK OF LIES.
why?
simply because i painted a beautiful picture in every piece of work.
people who don't know anything will probably think i have a wonderful family with loving parents.
people who know something will probably think i'm desperate for familial warmth.

i never liked to say, "no one understands how i feel.".
because i know somewhere out there, there's bound to be a bunch of great friends who understand it.
but who can get me out of this living hell?

"oh you have a such a big house. man, you're so rich."
that's what people like to say. how appealing to the ears, isn't it?
and SO WHAT?
no point having a BIG house when all it contains are just EMPTINESS and LONELINESS.
i'd rather have it small and feel the love in it.

but fuck, this is just a desire.
i can only reminisce the happy times in that 3-room flat at bukit batok.
worse, the pictures i can depict in my mind are blurring.
soon, i will forget everything and all that's left is some lingering misery.


if there's such thing called reincarnation, let me be an orphan in my next life.
it's better to not know who my parents are though they may love me than to know who they are when they don't love me as much as i thought they do.

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I'll never understand.

Some people, you try to break them before you build them. Some people, you are only remembered by them when they need your help. Some people, you spend time trying to change them only to realise you were never someone who could impact their lives. Some people, they hurt you so much but you know, they are just not worth it. So, don't bother. ASPIRE 2010 was a screwed yet another learning experience for me this time. I'd really like to thank my fellow peers for going through shit with me. And thank goodness that I believe in miracles. You never know what happens until the last minute, really. I never felt so shagged, and devastated about people.

All the small things.

So blonde Neo came with a packet of sushi and my chrysanthemum tea and Mr. Bean's pancakes. We continued to gorge ourselves with cones (actually just 2) of Cornetto which I bought to reward myself after a long time of not having eaten ice cream. We studied and also watched The Family Court. I really feel sad for AhWU that everyones hates his Leshan role but I guess he's right that actors and actresses like to see audiences' reactions towards their acting. What a breakthrough for him! Had supper with Shirl and Eh Chris! at somewhere nearby. Continued to study with Angie and we (or rather I) had a bad night because she was coughing quite badly. Blonde Neo I tell you, you better start drinking bottles of water when you get home today. NO MORE CHIPS!!! I'm watching you.... So anyway, in the morning we had Mac breakfast and Angie FINALLY invited me to her house wheeeeeeeee. Happening hor? Meeting the climates (Auntie Rainbow, Sunshine boy and Rain) later to celebrate mid-aut...