I'm sorry. I have to change back to this skin. Because my world just isn't colourful. No matter how I try, I see nothing but black and white.
Colourful isn't me.
I have been very unhappy. So unhappy that like what my mum says to me, I'm going to be a very lonely person because of my attitude. Yes, maybe. I have an atrocious attitude that almost nobody can put up with.
A levels are like 50+ days or less away from now and I'm still slacking away. So, so, so slack. Everyone says, "Wa biang your results so good you scared cannot get into uni meh?"
HELLO! DO I NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE SCARED?
Yet, I don't even put my words into action even if I say I'm scared.
A levels and O levels are worlds apart, totally different, does anyone understand that?! I can get through O's does not mean I can do the same for A's! I'm so afraid of retaining! So afraid of not being able to survive A's!
I haven't been going to the library that often now. I want to. I want to study and get good grades. But everything's just so draining. I'm merely frequenting the library to study for my big exams! But why does my mum hate it?! And then when I'm at home, she likes it. But I don't do a single thing at home! I slack, I sleep, I walk around, anything but study!
O levels, it was like this. A levels, again it's like this.
Haven't I proved to her with my O levels results that I can study better outside than home?
I don't have a family. I don't have a home. I've even lost a place I can hide and cry.
Why does the problem always lie with me?
It's almost heartwrenching to know, not no one understands me, but no one is willing to spare a thought for my feelings.
No one even bothers to ask what I'm going through.
I'm really scared. But I don't know how on earth I'm going to walk out of this fear, alone.
Colourful isn't me.
I have been very unhappy. So unhappy that like what my mum says to me, I'm going to be a very lonely person because of my attitude. Yes, maybe. I have an atrocious attitude that almost nobody can put up with.
A levels are like 50+ days or less away from now and I'm still slacking away. So, so, so slack. Everyone says, "Wa biang your results so good you scared cannot get into uni meh?"
HELLO! DO I NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE SCARED?
Yet, I don't even put my words into action even if I say I'm scared.
A levels and O levels are worlds apart, totally different, does anyone understand that?! I can get through O's does not mean I can do the same for A's! I'm so afraid of retaining! So afraid of not being able to survive A's!
I haven't been going to the library that often now. I want to. I want to study and get good grades. But everything's just so draining. I'm merely frequenting the library to study for my big exams! But why does my mum hate it?! And then when I'm at home, she likes it. But I don't do a single thing at home! I slack, I sleep, I walk around, anything but study!
O levels, it was like this. A levels, again it's like this.
Haven't I proved to her with my O levels results that I can study better outside than home?
I don't have a family. I don't have a home. I've even lost a place I can hide and cry.
Why does the problem always lie with me?
It's almost heartwrenching to know, not no one understands me, but no one is willing to spare a thought for my feelings.
No one even bothers to ask what I'm going through.
I'm really scared. But I don't know how on earth I'm going to walk out of this fear, alone.
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