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What hurts the most was being so close.

Talking to Joel yesterday set me thinking through a lot.
It's sad how I find it difficult to tell Ohana so many things when they are supposed to be my closest, tightest clique. While I say I care for them, care for them so much, maybe I'm just afraid that I'll lose them if I were to sit down with them and thrash things out. Maybe it's pure selfishness on my part. I care too much about the togetherness, about everyone staying as a group.
Is it because we haven't gone through enough? For all of us to be the most truthful with one another?
I don't like it when you all say Guolian = emo = lock blog. The only reason I hide my blog from you all is that you guys always don't understand what I'm trying to say... But to you all I'm perhaps just trying to 耍 my 小姐脾气...

When do I have the courage to sit down with 8 of you and speak up? I really wonder...
我也希望自己可以解释给你们听,你们听不懂,我就解释到你们明白为止。但我还没找到勇气这么做......

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