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What hurts the most was being so close.

Talking to Joel yesterday set me thinking through a lot.
It's sad how I find it difficult to tell Ohana so many things when they are supposed to be my closest, tightest clique. While I say I care for them, care for them so much, maybe I'm just afraid that I'll lose them if I were to sit down with them and thrash things out. Maybe it's pure selfishness on my part. I care too much about the togetherness, about everyone staying as a group.
Is it because we haven't gone through enough? For all of us to be the most truthful with one another?
I don't like it when you all say Guolian = emo = lock blog. The only reason I hide my blog from you all is that you guys always don't understand what I'm trying to say... But to you all I'm perhaps just trying to 耍 my 小姐脾气...

When do I have the courage to sit down with 8 of you and speak up? I really wonder...
我也希望自己可以解释给你们听,你们听不懂,我就解释到你们明白为止。但我还没找到勇气这么做......

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I'll never understand.

Some people, you try to break them before you build them. Some people, you are only remembered by them when they need your help. Some people, you spend time trying to change them only to realise you were never someone who could impact their lives. Some people, they hurt you so much but you know, they are just not worth it. So, don't bother. ASPIRE 2010 was a screwed yet another learning experience for me this time. I'd really like to thank my fellow peers for going through shit with me. And thank goodness that I believe in miracles. You never know what happens until the last minute, really. I never felt so shagged, and devastated about people.

All the small things.

So blonde Neo came with a packet of sushi and my chrysanthemum tea and Mr. Bean's pancakes. We continued to gorge ourselves with cones (actually just 2) of Cornetto which I bought to reward myself after a long time of not having eaten ice cream. We studied and also watched The Family Court. I really feel sad for AhWU that everyones hates his Leshan role but I guess he's right that actors and actresses like to see audiences' reactions towards their acting. What a breakthrough for him! Had supper with Shirl and Eh Chris! at somewhere nearby. Continued to study with Angie and we (or rather I) had a bad night because she was coughing quite badly. Blonde Neo I tell you, you better start drinking bottles of water when you get home today. NO MORE CHIPS!!! I'm watching you.... So anyway, in the morning we had Mac breakfast and Angie FINALLY invited me to her house wheeeeeeeee. Happening hor? Meeting the climates (Auntie Rainbow, Sunshine boy and Rain) later to celebrate mid-aut...