everywhere

I don't know if I need to work harder on this. It's pretty tough. Sometimes I feel I'm coping just fine. But many other times I feel my insides eroding. These days I spend a lot of time alone. While it's good because I am so sick of talking these days, it is scary. The past (including those not too long ago) keeps playing in my head like an old cassette tape. Things were a little too much to take for the brain today it got me quite edgy. I barely hesitated before stepping into Macs for an upsized meal. I had appreciated that meal as a destressor but I immediately regretted it after I stepped onto the scale once I got home. And I kind of got more edgy after that. I thought maybe doing something constructive would help, so I cooked. But I prepared too much it seemed the food would go to waste. Thank goodness there is always YY the neighbour. I packed some herbal chicken soup for him and sent it to his doorstep. The walk to his house was a brilliant one. The evening air was refreshing. Sis said there was a deluge this afternoon. I never witnessed that. But I was thankful for that because it certainly gave the atmosphere a touch of hope. This probably further confirms that I'm a true pluviophile. The only sad thing now is that I jolly well know there is a heap of unsorted matters to be compartmentalised and are rapidly piling up in my head, but I don't know how to handle them. I can no longer relieve myself from the stress they give me through writing. If anything, writing only helps to suppress. This is so tough.