Friday.

The feeling of ambivalence hardly strikes me these days. Because the past few months, my emotions have been on the extreme ends. Very good, or downright bad. I shall not fill in the details because everything should be tacit. But, these two days, it has been a mixture of the good and the not so. Yesterday I had my last lesson with Mr. Yeo's girl. Practically speaking I feel it is a load put down and in a way I have regained freedom for my Wednesdays and Saturdays. At the same time it is like a line checked on my life's tasklist because it was something I had wished to do after Mr. Yeo left. On the sentimental side, I feel a little blue because this could jolly well be an end to my bond with Mr Yeo's family, or for that matter, with Mr. Yeo. I guess, I don't know but I guess, it is my way of holding on. We all are scared of failing, falling and losing, consciously or subconsciously. I don't know about you. I always need something tangible to hold on to because the realness of it renders me a sense of security and of course as the adjective suggests, a sense of, reality. It is not like the bonds I have forged with Mr. Yeo's family are tangible, but they have painted for me a beautiful picture of the life Mr. Yeo had lived, paticularly one with his lovely family. A big part of me is going to miss the times I made my way to their place and spent a few hours with them, while a part of me, after having learnt a lot from these kind souls, is beginning to let go.

Even though my joy is often as vulnerable as an egg, I think it is still well-cushioned this week. I have enjoyed the little talks with people, the book I have been engrossed in, the weather, the mornings spent writing to people while having my breakfast. I dare not ask for more.