I have been so busy and tired that I wrote less, much less than any time before. In the past, when negative feelings accumulate and hit the peak, the natural response is to pen some thoughts down. Sometimes it would be a one-liner thought, sometimes a chunk of rants as if I never spoke for a week. Now, I yawn everyday. In all honesty, I don't dislike my job. At all. In fact, I quite like what I have been doing. I like that I am learning and have something to work on. But as a matter of fact, too, I haven't really compartmentalised my feelings which are all over the place. I feel, there are bits and pieces of pain in every part of me.
There have been eventful days. I was just lazy to spell them. There was the first singing session with the colleagues last Friday. They are very nice people to be with. But I just cannot be me when I am at work. I don't know why. And then there was a captain ball's practice today. I appreciated the adrenaline. The last time I perspired this much was last month, I think. When I reached the peak of Bukit Timah Hill, soaked in perspiration, sis called to break the news. I recall we walked very quickly down the hill and cabbed to the hospital.
Then I never went to climb the hill again.
That period I went every week. In fact, twice in some weeks. But after that day, I never really dared to go again. It's a pretty scary feeling. Imagine yourself at the zenith, and the very next moment, you go right down. Last evening I met the longest primary school friend JH for dinner. He said that people often say, when you hit rock bottom, the only way to go next is up. I guess it really depends. Because somehow and somewhat, I find myself settling down in my comfort zone at rock bottom.
These days, frankly, I wish people care a little more. I am so tired to find people to talk but I hope they talk to me. People have been telling me how I seemed more cheerful because of my picture on Facebook. Actually I wanted to say, that picture was taken last year. And, who takes pictures of themselves breaking down and uploads on social media? But I think explaining things really makes the whole process a lot more tiring so I decided to give that a miss.
The thoughts are very incoherent. They are the same in my head.
There have been eventful days. I was just lazy to spell them. There was the first singing session with the colleagues last Friday. They are very nice people to be with. But I just cannot be me when I am at work. I don't know why. And then there was a captain ball's practice today. I appreciated the adrenaline. The last time I perspired this much was last month, I think. When I reached the peak of Bukit Timah Hill, soaked in perspiration, sis called to break the news. I recall we walked very quickly down the hill and cabbed to the hospital.
Then I never went to climb the hill again.
That period I went every week. In fact, twice in some weeks. But after that day, I never really dared to go again. It's a pretty scary feeling. Imagine yourself at the zenith, and the very next moment, you go right down. Last evening I met the longest primary school friend JH for dinner. He said that people often say, when you hit rock bottom, the only way to go next is up. I guess it really depends. Because somehow and somewhat, I find myself settling down in my comfort zone at rock bottom.
These days, frankly, I wish people care a little more. I am so tired to find people to talk but I hope they talk to me. People have been telling me how I seemed more cheerful because of my picture on Facebook. Actually I wanted to say, that picture was taken last year. And, who takes pictures of themselves breaking down and uploads on social media? But I think explaining things really makes the whole process a lot more tiring so I decided to give that a miss.
The thoughts are very incoherent. They are the same in my head.
Comments
Post a Comment