Sunday

It's going to be Monday again tomorrow and really, I have hardly rested. I have been pondering actually, but I haven't quite found the vocabulary to describe my situation/mood of late. Maybe I have been too exhausted to think deeper. Or maybe it is not necessary. Life, as I have expected, is resuming in the way it should. But perhaps the incident is too recent, we all need time to digest. I never heard from anyone, but I guess we all think about it. After all, we have been staying under the same roof for more than two decades and now, what's left is just dust, which has since been dumped into the vast waters. The scene kept playing in my head. My job that day was to scatter the dried flowers and before I made my way to the bow of the vessel, I turned back to steal a glance of my mum. I think I kind of regretted that action. It made me teary. I don't know what was the song that played in my head when the boat left and the flowers gradually disappeared from our sight. I know I was sitting sideways facing outwards so that I could pretend it was the seawater splashing onto my face when I wiped the drips of tears off my face. I thought maybe the smell of death would linger. But nope. There is nothing. I figure I probably will not use vulgarity anymore. Because nothing can make me more agitated, anymore. Yes, it is a big chapter of my life closed. It came a little too fast, that it does instill a bit of fear in me. But I think whatever it is, I got to move on.