So we watched TFIOS finally. I didn't find myself "in a puddle of tears" as Hazel Grace would put it but I could feel the incessant flowing of warm and salty tears on my face. I had needed that. One of the things on my to-do list these days is watching a touching movie and let my tears flow freely. I thought that would be very healthy for the mind, and it probably was. It was not the romance between the two leads that touched me actually, but the mother's love for her daughter. She mentions something like everyone has to deal with losses but eventually they live with it. That particular scene got me. The muscles around my heart were literally throbbing and I found myself gasping for air. I wonder if it was because there were some losses I need(ed) to move on from. And am still figuring that out... It is a slight pity the director did not include a scene where Hazel frantically looks for the last pages of Gus' diary. I thought that would be very exciting and a small climax before the credits roll. Well, still, I appreciated the experience although the novel is certainly a lot more mindblowing.
Perhaps it is true to a certain extent. That when things go wrong, everything around you is capable of making you sadder. Actually I am not even sad. Let's just say, it is again one of those melancholic days, which I have attempted bidding goodbye to some time ago. On my way to the cinema, I bumped into an old friend K. I was not particularly surprised, and it did not cross my mind to pretend not seeing him because he is not one of those who will make me do that. But I was running late for the movie I could not afford to stop to chitchat. So naturally, we texted. Honestly I was hesitant about asking him if he had got over IT. it has been a year. My assumption was that he had. But I dared not probe. Maybe I could not get over my suffering after all. I was not at all ready to allow my curiosity to inflict any more hurt or cause any change to the peace of mind I have fought so hard for. Ya I know. The irony is, how my mind connects to all these thoughts probably already reveals that there is no peace to speak of. But really, I cannot feel prouder about the maintenance of a calm mind this long. I just wish him and everyone else well.
Whatever comes, let's deal with it when it comes. I am simply, too busy to care more.
Perhaps it is true to a certain extent. That when things go wrong, everything around you is capable of making you sadder. Actually I am not even sad. Let's just say, it is again one of those melancholic days, which I have attempted bidding goodbye to some time ago. On my way to the cinema, I bumped into an old friend K. I was not particularly surprised, and it did not cross my mind to pretend not seeing him because he is not one of those who will make me do that. But I was running late for the movie I could not afford to stop to chitchat. So naturally, we texted. Honestly I was hesitant about asking him if he had got over IT. it has been a year. My assumption was that he had. But I dared not probe. Maybe I could not get over my suffering after all. I was not at all ready to allow my curiosity to inflict any more hurt or cause any change to the peace of mind I have fought so hard for. Ya I know. The irony is, how my mind connects to all these thoughts probably already reveals that there is no peace to speak of. But really, I cannot feel prouder about the maintenance of a calm mind this long. I just wish him and everyone else well.
Whatever comes, let's deal with it when it comes. I am simply, too busy to care more.
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