I am typing this post with eyelids that weigh tonnes. Yes, I did realise. That I always have this tendency to not want to crash to bed early when it is a happy day. There seems to be this notion that retiring to bed early is as good as wasting the good day away, even if the day has come to an end. Maybe everyone, or is it just me, likes to have extended happiness. It is a shame on my part, that I was feeling a tiny tinge of reluctance to meet the uni people because the past two weeks have been a constant mad rush and I just wanted to have a day to myself. Of course, at the end of our picnic, I was extremely grateful. We really had so much fun. And I dare to say the rest felt so too. It is always nice to know, that feelings are mutual. Some things still hurt a little, when touched. But not so much anymore. I am especially relieved I did not coincide with anybody that might spoil the day for me. It was just good time spent on the grass with happy people. No wonder people say the colour green makes people feel at ease. I guess it makes some sense after all.
My friend is attached. Honestly, I cannot feel happier for her, because she is a very kindhearted lady who deserves happiness. I just feel, really, really bad. For the first thing that came to my mind to respond to her great news was, don't get scammed. I did not, of course. That was in no way an encouragement for a friend I care for. But clearly, the fact that something is very wrong with me really instills some fear in me. That struck me when I had the same idea after seeing A's post (I am extremely sorry, A...). Ashamed. I think I am ashamed of myself while at the same time pathetic to be unable to lift that dubitation in me. Sigh. This is a genuine sigh. I feel so, wrong.
Good thing being, I think I am beginning to be a little more appreciative of people who have been around long enough. I finally remembered to take a picture with WX. She is one of those people who care so much, but I think I have taken her for granted for far too long. On the other hand, I know this is random, the decent-looking guy who remembers my soymilk order. I am NOT going gaga over a guy who sells soyabean drinks. I just think it is very nice of him to remember my order and be very polite everyday, and such people should be appreciated.
As of now, I think life is a constant interchange of losing and gaining. Be it things, people or mindsets and beliefs. The next time I lose something again, I do not know when it would be. I do not even know if my life would crumble again (I can hardly imagine that recurring though...). I just try to be neutral about things, if there is anything that keeps me at peace.
Last note, I had my soyed latte today. Happy to know, it has now become unnecessary. Stilltasted as good, but it used to function as a healing potion and has to be consumed on a regular basis lest a relapse occurs. Perhaps all along this has been a despicable excuse to wallow in self-pity. Now, probably another beverage I would still drink whenever I feel like it.
My friend is attached. Honestly, I cannot feel happier for her, because she is a very kindhearted lady who deserves happiness. I just feel, really, really bad. For the first thing that came to my mind to respond to her great news was, don't get scammed. I did not, of course. That was in no way an encouragement for a friend I care for. But clearly, the fact that something is very wrong with me really instills some fear in me. That struck me when I had the same idea after seeing A's post (I am extremely sorry, A...). Ashamed. I think I am ashamed of myself while at the same time pathetic to be unable to lift that dubitation in me. Sigh. This is a genuine sigh. I feel so, wrong.
Good thing being, I think I am beginning to be a little more appreciative of people who have been around long enough. I finally remembered to take a picture with WX. She is one of those people who care so much, but I think I have taken her for granted for far too long. On the other hand, I know this is random, the decent-looking guy who remembers my soymilk order. I am NOT going gaga over a guy who sells soyabean drinks. I just think it is very nice of him to remember my order and be very polite everyday, and such people should be appreciated.
As of now, I think life is a constant interchange of losing and gaining. Be it things, people or mindsets and beliefs. The next time I lose something again, I do not know when it would be. I do not even know if my life would crumble again (I can hardly imagine that recurring though...). I just try to be neutral about things, if there is anything that keeps me at peace.
Last note, I had my soyed latte today. Happy to know, it has now become unnecessary. Stilltasted as good, but it used to function as a healing potion and has to be consumed on a regular basis lest a relapse occurs. Perhaps all along this has been a despicable excuse to wallow in self-pity. Now, probably another beverage I would still drink whenever I feel like it.
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