breathe...

It was another day of very mixed feelings. Demoralised to receive two rejection emails from mdc. I thought I would feel better by eating Mac but apparently, I wasted $5.40 on accumulating calories but not making myself feel beter. Student made me feel so much better. He was so proud of himself because of one Math question he completed. And it reminded me of myself during secondary school days. Deriving joy from studies, Mathematics in particular. The gum issue has been very worrying. So I got myself a Colgate for sensitive teeth. I was scanning the directions at the back of the tube when the part on letting children use the fluoride brought back some fond memories. The first time my mum taught me how to brush my teeth when I was three. She stood beside me, squeezed the toothpaste onto my tiny green toothbrush and asked me to follow her while she pretended to brush hers with an imaginary toothbrush. Then she cupped some water from the running tap and asked me to drink from her hands and rinse my mouth. Some people say my memory is scary, because I remember too many things. Honestly, if I could, I would NOT want to. I almost had a relapse today, even while doing Math questions which were supposed to keep me focused. I could feel it escalating to the peak, but I kept them at bay. I constantly reminded myself, enough of bipolar. While I try not to let my emotions be manipulated by external factors, I failed again today. A simple hor fun for late dinner livened up my mood again. And then I switched on the TV and saw AhWU. Actually one reason why I stopped watching clif3 was because of today's episode. Yet I so coincidentally saw it today. The last time I felt AhWU this upset was in The Family Court episode 4. I have never appreciated sad endings, and most definitely not a sad AhWU to make things worse.

The appetite has been very good, by the way. Wonder if that is a good thing.