I'm tired. Really really drained. It has been a long day, but I felt it has been a week... I knocked out after a game of badminton last night. I loved the adrenaline. But I only slept at 1.30am and woke up 7 hours later. Mr. Yeo has passed on for months and I have always hoped to see him in my dreams. He finally appeared. In the dream, he flips open two dictionaries and tells me to be careful when I use dictionaries. Then I see him joke with his daughter in his living room. Mrs. Yeo and I sit at a corner, I am tearing while talking to her. When I woke up, I felt emotionally exhausted. I didn't quite want to return to the waking world because I had not spoken to him. Over lunch today, I shared with his family my dream. I hope he appears in theirs too. The first mad rush came when I hurried to meet mum and sis. After procrastinating for years, I finally brought my mum to the national museum which she always wanted to visit. I suggested the trip today. Probably because I felt I really needed to bring her out to kill her boredom on Saturdays. The museum is always one of my favourite places. That white infrastructure alone is a majestic beauty to me. Of course, the crowd can be slightly annoying. I made my way to PS after waving mum and sis goodbye. Finally, M&S. Been waiting to pass by this place to get my chocolate coated pretzels. Before that I was actually trying very hard to resist the temptation of stepping into Starbucks for a cup of latte. I did it! Good attempt, no? Thereafter it was lesson with three out of my quadruplets cousins. Honestly, by 8pm, I was mentally dead and physically worn out. So today I have considerably been a good daughter and cousin and teacher maybe? I really put in a lot of efforts in the things I do today. All I wish is for people around me to be happy. And maybe that will make me a happier person. That said, I'm going to knockout again, for it's going to be yet another long day. I hope AhWU wins at least one award tomorrow. Please please please.
This CNY, I realised many things. I realised I have always envied families who go out as a whole for CNY visiting, or those who invite many relatives and friends over. I realised I am very afraid of the coming of CNY because CNY simply means watching movies and slacking at home for me. I love to watch movies, there is no doubt about that. Perhaps I just don't appreciate the latter because there is so much to face head-on. I hate the silence or otherwise awful hurlings at the dining table. I hate how I need to pretend to be hospitable to people I dislike. This year, I hid in my room when people I did not feel comfortable with came, then I was accused of being stubborn and impolite. Sometimes I really wonder if being myself is of imperative or being polite is. Whichever the case, I want to confess that I really feel tired and unhappy this CNY. The worst is that I feel that no one can understand because everyone I tried to rant this to tells me I should go home because it is CNY after...
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