Tuesday is always the day I feel like there are 28 hours instead of 24 because it just feels so long and tiring. On top of that, I'm really beginning to feel the heat and haze in the atmosphere. The pool was such a savior today, but I only managed eight laps because I was swimming with so much resistance today and I had only forty-five minutes to spare. I believe the calories from the sumptuous meals in Tokyo have greatly increased my inertia. How disastrous. I was struggling to refrain from watching Storm in a Cocoon because I thought I had better get some things done for the week. Just thinking about Steven Ma makes me melt, so I decided I'll watch five episodes in one go during the weekend. The walk to LL laoshi's place is always long yet enjoyable. I left a packet of Tokyo Bananas at his place since he wasn't home. He called an hour later to thank me. It is always nice to hear from my favourite teacher :) Cute Angie read a poem on treasuring one's loved ones and she was so touched that she treated us to dinner. It was a short but certainly sweet dinner. I had enjoyed. After class I resumed my weekly routine of having supper with gee. It was so much fun sharing my Tokyo encounters with her. On my way home, I thought about what LH told me over whatsapp today. She said, it is best to belong to oneself. Most people don't seem to have such privilege, so she was happy for me. The irony, is that I have been wondering if I'm losing myself. Little things count. Like what W told me today, I wrote messily on the postcard, it showed how lazy I was. I was slightly upset. Not because of what he said, but of the fact that I was indeed guilty of being lazy. Ah, I must learn to be patient...
This CNY, I realised many things. I realised I have always envied families who go out as a whole for CNY visiting, or those who invite many relatives and friends over. I realised I am very afraid of the coming of CNY because CNY simply means watching movies and slacking at home for me. I love to watch movies, there is no doubt about that. Perhaps I just don't appreciate the latter because there is so much to face head-on. I hate the silence or otherwise awful hurlings at the dining table. I hate how I need to pretend to be hospitable to people I dislike. This year, I hid in my room when people I did not feel comfortable with came, then I was accused of being stubborn and impolite. Sometimes I really wonder if being myself is of imperative or being polite is. Whichever the case, I want to confess that I really feel tired and unhappy this CNY. The worst is that I feel that no one can understand because everyone I tried to rant this to tells me I should go home because it is CNY after...
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