ineffective

1. Read a good book.

2. Watch a good TVB drama.

3. Sing Ah Mei's songs.

4. Finish a packet of Lays chips (has to be barbecue flavour).

5. A cold shower.

6. A beautiful sky.

7. Stare hard at the picture I took with AhWU.

8. Soyed green tea latte.

9. Receive a postcard.

10. Send a card to a loved one. 

11. Meet an old friend.

12. Grilled nuggets.

13. Talk to act-cute Shaun.

14. Retail therapy.

15. Wake up in the morning without the alarm clock. 

All these used to prove effective. For the past one week, point one to fifteen took place. I like(d) novels that use letters in their storylines. Last night, the lines in the book were just words and they were not registered in my head. Felt more like an eyesight test. Maybe SIAC (the latest favourite TVB drama) would help. I clicked on the episode I stopped at. Ten minutes later, I shut the window. I grilled myself seven nuggets. By the time I put the last one into my mouth, it struck me that I forgot I was eating nuggets. 

I spent 4.5 hours with P. She is one friend I would never let go of. She could just sit there and listen to me go on and on about everything which she probably was never interested in. She would not tell me anything about herself unless I asked. And she would share everything if I did. A part of me rejoiced when she said soyed green tea latte was nice. Another self-reproached. It was like an addict trying to quit drugs but at the same introducing them to other people. For once, I got myself a Venti, guiltily. Old habits die hard. Caramel macchiato has never successfully integrated into my life, I figured. I asked P if she would have considered E if he had confessed to her. She nodded. And I was honestly very happy. Too bad it didn't happen. Because the timings did not match. Some things just have to happen at different times. 

Best friend kept his promise and allowed me to sing all my favourite Ah Mei's songs. It used to work so well. The last Ah Mei's song was 真实. At the last note, I wondered, if anything else would work, now. I thought about the food I ate in the past one week. The laksa failed to make me salivate at the sight of it. The ramyeon soup tasted like seawater. The basil chicken aglio seemed like rubber shreds. Zhi's vegan chocolate cake was bitter. Clearly, it was my taste bud. Nothing to do with her baking. The worst of all, my soyed green tea latter today was. Bland. 

Shaun drove by at 11.30 p.m. He had failed to make me laugh this time. Twenty minutes ago, he told me in a whatsapp message, life should be full of hopes. 

Does that include dashed ones?

I am playing 真实 on my player again. I could sing this song over and over again....