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constancy

They say, change is the only constant thing in life. I could never agree more. In fact I have always believed that the most challenging thing in life is keeping up with changes. In all honesty, I'm a fickle person too. I have never, in any attempt, tried to deny that. But it does me no justice if I'm used as a comparison alongside another person who is hardly marked by constancy, too. Well, I will spare the details, since I know it in my heart that no words can render me innocent anyway. So, is there really no constancy to speak of in this world? This question set me thinking really hard. I got a few on my mental list during my 30-minute journey home from lessons.

Angie's faith in love is constant. For as long as I have known her (well enough, i.e. since we were sixteen), she has always asked me to believe in true love. It's not a matter of whether I    do or not, at least it doesn't matter anymore, but that she never gives up on that idea. I wonder how much courage it takes to do that. Because you need courage to believe in something so much, to think that it will not die on you someday. In stark contrast to her strong faith, my belief that everything is merely ephemeral just makes me feel lowly, and vulnerable.

SYX's way of finding comfort in food is constant. This is no joke. It struck me that 99 percent of his Instagram posts are on food. That's constancy to me. At the very least, he finds comfort in food whenever and wherever necessary. I could never achieve that, even if you place a box of nuggets in front of me.

My sister's love for swimming is constant. Ever since she read about Michael Phelps a couple of years back, she has started swimming, almost on a daily basis, sometimes regardless of the time of the month. When she's at her happiest, she swims, and tells me swimming gives people confidence. When she's pissed, she swims, to make herself feel more at peace. I wished I had that determination.

If there is one thing I can be constant about, it's believing in miracles. I would be ridiculously naive if I think I can make miracles happen, so that's not the case. But when things turn sour, beyond salvation, deep down there's always this angelic voice behind where the devil lurks, whispering to me, to believe that there might be a miracle.

This time, it's the same. It is probably the only thing that's keeping me sane. I mean, beliefs are what make people maintain a certain level of sanity in the first place right? Things change, people change. The world changes. A little faith in miracles would help, I think.

I read the news a while ago. Heart wrenching. My heart goes out to the kins and friends of the passengers. Since nothing has been found thus far, I will pray for a miracle.

At the end of the day, we are merely asking for things to be constant, aren't we?

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I'll never understand.

Some people, you try to break them before you build them. Some people, you are only remembered by them when they need your help. Some people, you spend time trying to change them only to realise you were never someone who could impact their lives. Some people, they hurt you so much but you know, they are just not worth it. So, don't bother. ASPIRE 2010 was a screwed yet another learning experience for me this time. I'd really like to thank my fellow peers for going through shit with me. And thank goodness that I believe in miracles. You never know what happens until the last minute, really. I never felt so shagged, and devastated about people.

All the small things.

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