I think Heaven is very nice to me these two days. It sent me rain to calm me. And indeed, I have loved the weather. Student has been very nice. Yesterday he gave me a snack his aunt got him from Korea. I ate it. Delicious. Today he gave me another one his mother got him from Candy Empire. It looks yummy. I decided to share it with my best friend tomorrow. I guess I'm learning how to derive joy from the slightest thing, if that's the fundament to true happiness. I didn't use to like snacks. In fact, I actually didn't like it when my friends gave or offered me snacks. Because I'm not the snacks kind of person, I only eat them when I have the craving. But these days I recall this good friend of mine who used to be easily contented upon receiving snacks. To me it has always been a joy that's purely innocent. And that was why I had enjoyed giving her snacks all the time. Snacks are still not my kind of thing, but I'm going to learn to appreciate the little little things. I will try.
This CNY, I realised many things. I realised I have always envied families who go out as a whole for CNY visiting, or those who invite many relatives and friends over. I realised I am very afraid of the coming of CNY because CNY simply means watching movies and slacking at home for me. I love to watch movies, there is no doubt about that. Perhaps I just don't appreciate the latter because there is so much to face head-on. I hate the silence or otherwise awful hurlings at the dining table. I hate how I need to pretend to be hospitable to people I dislike. This year, I hid in my room when people I did not feel comfortable with came, then I was accused of being stubborn and impolite. Sometimes I really wonder if being myself is of imperative or being polite is. Whichever the case, I want to confess that I really feel tired and unhappy this CNY. The worst is that I feel that no one can understand because everyone I tried to rant this to tells me I should go home because it is CNY after...
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