Sunday again. Starbucks again. My soyed latte again. Today the craving for something sweet beckons so I have my beverage accompanied by a toasted banana walnut muffin. I like it when Sunday's like this. I don't care if people say I'm a spendthrift, drinking expensive coffee on such regular basis, I don't want to care. I need it.
The strap of my watch broke yesterday before I left house and so I have been spending the past two days "timelessly". It was kinda... good. A few times I lost track of time, only to realise later that time passes that quickly. That's something worth being thankful for, when days feel so endless. While I was contemplating to get a new watch or not, I tried to recall the time I bought the current watch. I surprised myself. Every little thing, these days, somehow just lead me back to all those times which I very badly want to erase. I suppose that's why the strap broke? Maybe it's a hint. At least that's what I thought. Or simply an excuse for myself to go on another retail therapy. And I did.
My eyes are bloodshot, my student told me. I told him I only had three hours of sleep this morning. He gasped. Last night the crooked lines group had a stayover. My room was filled with their laughter. And that was very nostalgic. I had frankly missed those times and sometimes I thought they were long gone. Because we grow up, we are busy, we stop having fun the way kids do. Well, apparently the child in each of them has always been around. Me? I don't know. I think my skepticism has murdered the child in me. When they were talking about the episode which to me is becoming like water under the bridge, I cupped my ears and buried my face under the comforter. It was cruel to hear about it, anywhere, from anyone. To be honest, though, every word was audible. M asked that we had a group hug because he felt I needed it. I didn't respond. Truth is, I really needed it. Or need it, still. I wanted to hide in their embrace and cry my heart out. But I decided I didn't want to be vulnerable at this point lest my effofts of climbing out of the black hole the past few months go down the drain. Or, if anything, perhaps I have found a comfortable spot in the abyss and don't really intend to try too hard to get out of it.
The most touching thing that happened yesterday was discovering that SIAC has yet to end. That gave my life meaning, for another week at least.
The strap of my watch broke yesterday before I left house and so I have been spending the past two days "timelessly". It was kinda... good. A few times I lost track of time, only to realise later that time passes that quickly. That's something worth being thankful for, when days feel so endless. While I was contemplating to get a new watch or not, I tried to recall the time I bought the current watch. I surprised myself. Every little thing, these days, somehow just lead me back to all those times which I very badly want to erase. I suppose that's why the strap broke? Maybe it's a hint. At least that's what I thought. Or simply an excuse for myself to go on another retail therapy. And I did.
My eyes are bloodshot, my student told me. I told him I only had three hours of sleep this morning. He gasped. Last night the crooked lines group had a stayover. My room was filled with their laughter. And that was very nostalgic. I had frankly missed those times and sometimes I thought they were long gone. Because we grow up, we are busy, we stop having fun the way kids do. Well, apparently the child in each of them has always been around. Me? I don't know. I think my skepticism has murdered the child in me. When they were talking about the episode which to me is becoming like water under the bridge, I cupped my ears and buried my face under the comforter. It was cruel to hear about it, anywhere, from anyone. To be honest, though, every word was audible. M asked that we had a group hug because he felt I needed it. I didn't respond. Truth is, I really needed it. Or need it, still. I wanted to hide in their embrace and cry my heart out. But I decided I didn't want to be vulnerable at this point lest my effofts of climbing out of the black hole the past few months go down the drain. Or, if anything, perhaps I have found a comfortable spot in the abyss and don't really intend to try too hard to get out of it.
The most touching thing that happened yesterday was discovering that SIAC has yet to end. That gave my life meaning, for another week at least.
Comments
Post a Comment