Bomb

Just when I was all so optimistic about my life, a bomb had to drop. Worse, it does not seem to be going off any time soon. It is just here to intimidate me, isn't it? So... it's confirmed. I have a black mark. And it's hard not to feel anything now because it's probably going to cast a shadow over my life, my future, anything you can think of. (Am I exaggerating?) I don't know what to feel. I'm not even angry. If anything, I am just lost. And a little upset that there is someone out there who is so scary, to sabotage me. Then the next problem is, who to turn to? I really can't think of anyone who can lead me out of this. On a brighter note, I actually figured a way out. That if this issue cannot be resolved eventually, I will just try something else. Is that why the phrase, 留得青山在，不怕没柴烧？(When there's life, there's hope.) I am honestly not feeling bitter about it. I just don't know what I can do about it. Because when people come to know about this, the first thing they ask is, "Have you done anything wrong?" It's funny. I thought my character is more or less "guaranteed". Now I think nothing is so certain. Or maybe I have been too confident about myself. It sucks to know that every time I feel slightly more confident about myself, something comes up to kill that bit. Well, it's okay. Life goes on, I guess? While I am very sick of being judged and in fact have been skeptical about how people look at me with judgmental eyes these days, I am still going ahead with what I deem right. Like I said, maybe one day people will understand. I shall keep my thoughts this way for now while the tinge of positivity in me is considerably pristine. No wonder my sis says swimming builds confidence in people. Looks like my ten laps this morning helped.