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失忆

大病一场之后,突然间,有些东西找不回了。
吃午餐的时候,朋友提起一些事,我很自然地在脑子里寻找这一期间的回忆。
愕然。
竟然是一片空白。
难道我的生日愿望要实现了?
有些事,还以为有多刻骨铭心,我竟然记不起来。
而且前前后后不到四个月。
近来后脑勺的某一处又开始隐隐作痛。我不知道这两者之间是不是有什么关系。我想最好是有。
虽然在那短短的五分钟里,我有点不知所措。
但这个阶段之后,我居然暗地里感到开心,感到庆幸。
我其实比较希望这段时间的所有记忆都被清除掉。
包括今天的。

我最近总是觉得,老天喜欢磨练我的心。
他不断拿些事来打击我。
我也不断让自己再站起来。
接着我便渐渐发现,心之所以会受损,是因为它太放不下。

老实说,我真的好想呐喊,就这么最后一次。
然后跨步,舍弃这所有该死的回忆。

心啊,你这次最好是死了。

我决定了,这个星期我要用工作麻醉自己。
彻底麻醉。

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