For once, the fleeting evening rain did not give me some peace. Instead, it gave me some silence. Maybe it is me who refuses to ignore the line between the two. (As a matter of fact, there is a difference.) That silence was deafening. I think it spoke volumes of the void I am feeling, and of my transitory optimism that always vanishes as quickly as it surges. I do not remember the last time I have felt this void particularly jarring, in my head or heart, I do not know. If anything, the past couple of days, even weeks, have very much been like a mirror, projecting the manner I had handled my feelings for sam some four five years ago. Skepticism. Like a relapse that never ceases along with time. So, I see myself on that stupid treadmill again. Except I see things more clearly this time, thus unable to feign ignorance the way I did.
A constant reminder I have set for myself: Stay calm.
There is hardly any more space for angst, with a mind and body as exhausted as this.
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