Totally beat. After waking up at 6.15 a.m. in the morning and a two-hour badminton game followed by a tuition session yesterday. Zhi accidentally whacked me in the left face with the racket my tooth hurt pretty badly. So I did absolutely nothing last night and crashed to bed straight.
At 11 p.m. or midnight perhaps, I had a nightmare. I dreamt that she stomp into the room and dragged her out of bed and started hollering at her. The choice of words was… Nasty. Crude. It lasted a while.
Then I realized it wasn’t a dream after all.
I was really on the battlefield myself, even though, I wasn’t the one who ensued the war, nor fought in it.
Things are getting worse by the days. I wonder sometimes if being positive is the right thing to do. It’s like being happy and celebrating the life of a dead person at his or her wake. But it just feels wrong somewhere? Perhaps because the typical or “mainstream” reaction is to be upset. In this case, it applies. Very frankly speaking, I foresee a disaster (very, very soon) but somehow I don’t know what I can do to stop it from coming. This very strong sense of helplessness and loss is devouring me, this time, worse than any times before.
I know. Very soon, I will even run out of words to express all these. I am seeing my increasing vulnerability and incapability to stay sane.
At 11 p.m. or midnight perhaps, I had a nightmare. I dreamt that she stomp into the room and dragged her out of bed and started hollering at her. The choice of words was… Nasty. Crude. It lasted a while.
Then I realized it wasn’t a dream after all.
I was really on the battlefield myself, even though, I wasn’t the one who ensued the war, nor fought in it.
Things are getting worse by the days. I wonder sometimes if being positive is the right thing to do. It’s like being happy and celebrating the life of a dead person at his or her wake. But it just feels wrong somewhere? Perhaps because the typical or “mainstream” reaction is to be upset. In this case, it applies. Very frankly speaking, I foresee a disaster (very, very soon) but somehow I don’t know what I can do to stop it from coming. This very strong sense of helplessness and loss is devouring me, this time, worse than any times before.
I know. Very soon, I will even run out of words to express all these. I am seeing my increasing vulnerability and incapability to stay sane.
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