ww3

It can be very bad a feeling when you are afraid of stepping into somewhere you call home when many times it actually seems more like a war zone. I never forget her hardships while I have my fun outside, really, never. But talk is cheap when it is not attached with actions. And so I try. I try to be the best person I can be these days, making sure I do not make the slightest blunder (I still do...) lest I evoke any feelings of anger or unhappiness. Yet, while I am trying my best, I wonder if this is right. Or healthy. Is it healthy to be extra careful with every step you take just so you do not make others unhappy? I guess that is why my sisters do not do the same. I am the one who plays on the safe side and still does. I have always been the low risk taker. It is NOT taxing on me YET. I hope it does not come so soon. No one knows when this has started, but I think I have been relying on those who keep me sane since. Like the group I meet almost every Saturday/Sunday, I always secretly feel immense joy when I am with them, because it is certainly one of the avenues to relieve the equally intense pressure in me. Call me selfish, but many times I actually pray that the former does not cease because I need it quite badly to neutralise with the latter. I remember this line from The Smurfs 2 today, that it is not who you are, but who you choose to be. Frankly, it is easy to put that across, but we all know it is difficult to make a choice without having to make sacrifices. And the toughest part is, what to sacrifice?

 

I have so much to say, I have no more words to say. This is really, bad. But yeah, I am still doing my best to stay positive.